What the hell is wrong with me?!

[sonicfan287]

Im sorry if im posting this in the wrong forum, I just saw that it dealt with work, education and the like and it seemed relevant, but if not, I'll gladly move to another board. First off, I just want to say that this entire forum has been a God send for the better part of the last few years, helping me with breakups and other dissapointing things.

 

Basically, Ive been in college for 6 years (well, this is my 6th year). I started as a journalism major at a small school which I loved. I had a lot of friends there, the view was nice (right on the water) and it was a very encouraging atmosphere. My first year I thrived there both in academics and socializing but unfortunately, my 2nd year is when I started to get off the straight and narrow. I got distracted by things like girls, various sports and games my school offered and fell into a vicious cycle that I have yet to break, where i'd start missing class or getting too distracted causing myself to get increasinly angry at myself and my behavior, making it even less likely that Id be productive. That said, my grades weren't THAT bad, mostly C's and maybe even a D but unfortunately that was just the beginning.

 

I really wasnt into journalism and after 2 years of school, I didnt see myself getting more into it, so i turned to a more lifelong passion of Art. Ive loved graphic art all my life, designing logos, and informational graphics, Ive always studied other logos and seen what theyve done right or how I would design a popular company's logo if they didn't already have one. The reason i didnt start in this field is because I thought it'd be harder to break into and i really do enjoy writing to an extent but not enough to pursue it as a career... so I took a leap of faith, changed my school to a school thats more art based, and am currently pursuing a major in Graphic Design.

 

Basically, once I got to this new school though, a whole new host of problems arose, that have come and gone. I was at my first school for 2 years and this will be 4th year at this new school, and I'm only going for a bachelor's and this is my 6th (most likely will go to 7 or even 8 years) year and not only am I not progressing but i'm making very poor mistakes that I dont think I can recover from.

 

I don't know if anyone can help me... unless anyone on here is a professional psychologist and can diagnose over forums (lol doubtful) I just think it comes down to some mental problem on my part, maybe not a major one but definitely something. Basically, I skip classes... a lot. I know that's not uncommon but my reasons for not ... coming back after skipping are different. Its not that I'm too lazy to make up what I've missed, it's not that I hate the teacher or there's some reason I don't want to be there, but it happens almost every semester. I miss a class early on for whatever reason, i rationalize it in my head and say "ill make it up later", but then I get afraid of what the perception of me will be. Idk how else to explain it, but if i miss 1 class and come back to attend the next one, before I actually go I'm like "well, wait, im not really prepared, everyone's gonna think Im a loser, what I should do is email the teacher and ask them about what i missed before i go back to class, that way when i do get back, ill be prepared." I know this sounds lame but this is my thought process, and I hate confrontations and communication. I really just want to be seen and heard as little as possible in these situations. I want to take care of my own business and hate asking for help but then why do I always put myself into situations where i need it?

 

The sad thing is, Ive had teachers who've been more than willing to help me work through whatever it is I'm going through and ive still failed those classes because I just didn't show up enough. Id get piles of emails from them and only respond occasionally and say I'd show up to the next class, and then I usually would but i'd end up missing more after that. Even this semester, I fell upon some financial hardships and wasnt able to get all the materials I need for this one class, so I haven't been attending regularly since last month. It used to be that I wasnt attending because I didnt have the money to buy the materials but now I do and i have the materials, but i dont show up because everyone's gonna stare at me and my teachers probably just gonna say "are you even kidding me? showing up after missing 2 straight weeks? forget it" but if I dont ever show up, Im obviously going to fail. I understand that, so that gets me back to my main point "what the hell is wrong with me?!"

[blueidealist24]

I think you really need to talk to a professional about this. That's being self-conscious to the extreme, worrying about coming back to class after missing it for a couple of weeks and being embarrassed (a lot of students skip MANY classes and return, from my school experience), and you've had this problem even if the teachers were willing to help you. It sounds like you have some serious self-confidence/anxiety/motivational (probably tied to the other two) issues and a professional's probably going to be the only person who can help you get yourself out of this mess now.. I could say just get your butt to class, and stop worrying, but I know that's easier said than done when you have a mental block around it. You need to address these issues before you start your career because if you're so insecure and unmotivated then you'll have trouble finding and being successful at a job.