How to bring back attraction and avoid the friend zone

[BigMac]

Hi guys,

 

I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago after 4 and a half years together. Im 26, she is 25. I'm her first boyfriend and know she has not been with or is not looking for anyone else at the moment. Her reasons were that she didn't want to "rip my clothes off" anymore, loved me but was not 'in love' with me and generally felt like she could live without me.

 

The full (long) story is in another thread.

 

Anyway I know that the root of my problem is lack of attraction. She frequently made comments whilst in our relationship that I asked her opinion too much and didn't take the lead, I also moaned a lot about most things, preferred to stay in and watch TV, picked fights and was generally not much fun. These are all things I am working on improving for myself but which I believe will also improve attraction.

 

Since we have broken up we have remained friends; very good friends. We see each other a couple of times a week and talk every day. I am very close to her parents and I go over for dinner once every couple of weeks. I even went on holiday with them and my ex for a week about a month after we broke up. It's gotten to the stage now (within the last month) where she invites me to stay over and we sleep in the same bed. I have to stress that there is no sex, we just cuddle. She says that whenever this happens it makes her feel more attached to me and she doesn't want to let me go. She also cuddles up to me when we watch a film/tv etc.

 

My question is, am I sinking into the friend zone or is any of this a good thing? I know she doesn't want to get back together, but I know that this is because of the lack of attraction - she's mentioned that a lot recently. I want her to be attracted to me again and I know she wants to be attracted to me again but don't know the best way to go about it. I've been trying NIC over the last 2 weeks and she has started getting very insecure about me 'not loving her' anymore and started making plans about us hanging out more and even going on holiday together.

 

Do I go on holiday with her?

Do I sleep over at her house?

If not then how do I change this behavior subtly so she doesn't think it's because I have a hidden agenda?

How do I maximize my chances of her being attracted to me again?

Is reconciliation even possible in these circumstances?

 

Sorry for the list of questions; I'm just battling with myself about whether I'd be shooting myself in the foot either way.

 

I'd appreciate your feedback.

 

Thanks,

 

BigMac

[exgirlfriend28382]

Oof. From a girl's perspective: you are getting used, BIG time, as a cuddle pillow. She's probably confused about how she feels about you, but if you want to have any chance of her being attracted to you again, at the very least stop cuddling. Heck, I'd stop touching. If you want to keep the friendship that's your choice (I'd recommend not hanging out so much) but you need to remove yourself physically from her for her to start wanting you again. She's treating you like a non-sexual boyfriend. Go to the gym/increase your working out, get a haircut and some new clothes, feel attractive and wanted from the inside, hit on some other girls and flirt a little, and remove yourself from this relationship. She sounds like she's still attached to you emotionally, and pulling away from this is the only way she's going to be attracted physically.

[dabbledave]

^ agreed

 

You're so close to getting her back; all you need to do is create some distance ... ironic, huh!?

 

Lucky you!

 

DD

[22n32]

^^^^^ this is my thought on it.. and when the day comes when she might meet someone that intrest her in a romantic way.. u will officaly be friendzoned..

 

on the postive note, she might be one of those rare girls that is just getting closer to u.. but why no sex or intamicy then????

 

just step back, be a man take charge and sweep her off her feet..

[learning2relax]

There is a saying that states it all quite nicely and clearly.... "you always want what you can't have." So, if you keep giving her love and support. she will never want or desire. If you want to see if the desire can return, you have to let go and vanish.

[WindowTo]

You need to tap into some of that old school masculine energy while staying a new age man. She has clearly defined that you dont take the lead enough and have a wishy washy attitude. Essentially what she is saying is that you have taken on a bit of a gender bending role, at least by the standard of old stereotypes. You need to focus on yourself and becoming an assertive male who has a clear purpose. I would read David Deida's Way of the Superior Man. It is a bit corny, but can be inspiring and at the least it will give you an idea of what women are talking about when they say that you ask for their opinions too much. Plus it is a free on scribd.

[HeartGoesOn]

^ agreed

 

You're so close to getting her back; all you need to do is create some distance ... ironic, huh!?

 

Lucky you!

 

DD

 

This says it all!

[Vaglar]

The ball is in your court now, but believe all the advice given here as they are true. You're lucky she has got no one on her radar at the moment so it's really the best time to pull away. You will need a lot of strength to pull this off, sometimes you'll want to give in and crawl back to her... but remember you'll reap the benefits later even if you think going away is gonna screw the whole thing.

[Eocsor]

Her reasons were that she didn't want to "rip my clothes off" anymore, loved me but was not 'in love' with me and generally felt like she could live without me.

 

In my experience, when you hear this it's the death of the relationship and theres no coming back from it. I'd be very wary of getting your hopes up as this has a bad ending written all over it. You are being used as a psychological crutch until she gets her feet under her and finds someone else.

[BigMac]

Thanks a lot for all the advice, it's much appreciated.

 

We're all on the same page in terms of using NIC and LC to assist in building attraction and I agree that's an essential step. Being less available. Putting it into practice is a little more difficult. As I said in my original post I tried NIC for the last week and even so I received at least 2 text messages and a phone call each day. I ignored some of the calls and waited a while before responding to the texts. This is out of character for me and my ex knows this, so she started asking questions "Have I done something wrong?" "Are you ignoring me?" etc I put her mind as rest by saying I had simply been busy but she isn't buying it.

 

Last Saturday (5 days ago) she went away on holiday with a friend and since then I have been completely NC and she has not contacted me. Before she left I wished her a good holiday and said I would see her when she got back.

 

I've just received a text from her saying "When I come home are you going to stop being an a**e?"

 

I literally don't know how to respond and thats what makes putting this into practice so difficult. On the one hand I want to acknowledge her message and concern, and be nice, but maintain that I'm not being an a**e or ignoring her etc in a concise way that ends the conversation until she comes back. On the other hand I don't want to put her mind COMPLETELY at rest or admit that I was acting different and when she returns I plan on carrying on being less available, so what do I say?

 

How do you maintain your cool, be less available and ultimately change your behavior without being questioned about it? And if you are questioned about it, how do you explain it?

 

Thanks,

 

BigMac

 

--------------------

 

Eocsor - I hear you and I have to say I'm also learning towards the same conclusion; that I'm being used as a psychological crutch. In saying that I can't be sure and I know she is a good person and wouldn't be consciously using me; therefore if there is any hope, any at all then I want to do what I can to maximize the chances of a reconciliation whilst being mindful that it may never happen. Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst right?

 

WindowTo - Thanks for the recommendation on the book. I've read some of it tonight and will read the rest later. You're right it IS corny but there is also a lot of sense there.

[Melting]

I don't see how you can bring attraction back?

 

You are either attracted to someone or you aren't. If I am physically not attracted to someone any more, it doesn't mean I want to stop hanging out with them, I just don't want to have intimacy with them. By pulling away or going NC, they will only miss the emotional side, not you as a whole.

[raton44]

Here's my opinion...in my relationships...I have had 2 where i wasn't extremely physically attracted to these guys. But, as i got to know them, their personalilty made them much more attractive. as these relationship went sour..the attraction went away for me. This made it very difficult for me to want to be intimate, etc. Ultimately leading to the end of things. But, I also never would've been cuddling, etc with any of these guys after i BU with them, so that's a bit odd.

 

My most recent ex has been very attractive to me from day 1. I think that's part of my problem with letting go. I see him and I basically melt. lol. His personality was just icing on the cake.

 

I don't know if this guy's ex falls into the categories that I was in with my other two LTR, but if that's the case it may be possible for him to gain her attraction again. But, it also may not. It would take a lot of work i think

[waves]

wow....

I think it is sad she is saying you are being a a**e just cause you aren't jumping to attention everytime she breathes. She wants you on a leash.

I never treated an ex like this right after breaking up...it is too confusing. And it will only prolong your hurting.

I would politely explain that you are responding, but are busy with such and such(expand your life to include new things. It is essential for healing). You are not doing anything to hurt her.

No more cuddling. She needs to miss you in her arms...how can she?

Do things to improve how you feel about yourself, do things to improve your appearance. And focus on moving on. Cause that is the best thing you can do in case she doesn't want you back.

good luck.

[EgoJoe]

I hope to high heaven you didn't respond to that. You don't respond to negativity, PERIOD.

 

If she brings it up in an actual conversation say something like this, "I think everybody has moments where they are unrealistic about their perspective with regard to someone else, don't you? You're fairly well versed about this topic."

 

Be sarcastic, not "funny" watch how she reacts. Other than that. Just play it super cool. Don't be a stooge.

[HopeArises]

BRO BRO BRO......You are NEVER going to re-attract her if you're seeing her twice a week and talking to her every day. How can you not see that? DUDE, you are WAY to available to her. You have NOT allowed her to miss you. She will not fear you moving on, if you are always there for her. It's crazy bro. If you want to seduce this girl, get your own life. Don't be as available and accessible as you are. You're giving her the confidence to be with someone else and when she finds someone else, you'll be left in the dust. Dude, back off. Distance yourself a little. Stop talking to her every day. You say you're good friends. Don't you see that you are DOING THIS? Stop being so available. I can't emphasize this enough. Reduce the # of phone calls. See her MAX once a week (if that) and stop being such a good "Friend", because at this rate, you'll just be continuing to bury all chances of getting her to see you any other way. PERIOD.

[oreogod]

Easy. Never dial yourself down to make others comfortable. Be non needy about it but be honest verbally and non verbally. Like I told my ex when she suggested friends 'I'm not that guy, it's not in my nature to be content looking at you, you're way too cute to be just my friend ' I also told her I'm the most honest guy shell meet, won't lie to her, manipulate her or play with her emotions but I have every intention of taking it further because she's cute and if she can't handle that I'll miss her face we'd of had a lot of fun.

 

Then you be non chalant about it, Just be fun sexy and keep it light without presumptions. My ex knows what I'm all about and she decided to keep hanging out with me meaning she knows I'm not just her friend and she is complicit in anything that happens between us.

 

It's not up to you to decide to be with her, it's up to her to convince you to be with her.

[Angler]

Easy. Never dial yourself down to make others comfortable. Be non needy about it but be honest verbally and non verbally. Like I told my ex when she suggested friends 'I'm not that guy, it's not in my nature to be content looking at you, you're way too cute to be just my friend '

 

I said something very similar, albeit a little less cocky, when I was floated the friends line.

 

Basically, I have no intentions of being 'just friends'...once there's been a romantic relationship, for me it's either try to work it out, or get completely out of each others lives, there's no in between.

 

She has since initiated get-togethers, and has said things here and there about our future...here's hoping.

[oreogod]

Nothing cocky about it. It's stated in a smiling, easy, light, playful and like "hey you're way to damn cute to be my friend!" sort of way

[oreogod]

And also at the same time I do believe it is important to be 'friendly' and build neutral trust and such...basically just have a relationship with no intentions of putting a label on it.

[Thorshammer]

Hi guys,

 

I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago after 4 and a half years together. Im 26, she is 25. I'm her first boyfriend and know she has not been with or is not looking for anyone else at the moment.

 

Dont believe this. She is no longer loyal or committed to you, she is free to do as she wish, and that includes leaving out any details to her goals. If she is a good person, she will tell you beforehand, but it will happen when someone catches her eyes. So many ex's stick around their ex thinking their presence will stop another man from coming in, it doesnt.

 

Her reasons were that she didn't want to "rip my clothes off" anymore, loved me but was not 'in love' with me and generally felt like she could live without me.

 

Oh, really? You guys broke up 6 months ago, she hasnt yet "lived without you". I have had ex's come back longer than that. She is not living without you, your presence is still available. When someone is living without someone, that means that person is gone, and they are gone forever. They dont stick around. You make it easier for her to believe in that when you allow yourself to play her "friend" role, you slip into that role and make her comfortable. Having the man, but not be committed, and not be worried about being attracted. Basically, you are doing the work and not getting the sex. You accept this when you stay in this "role", you make it easier for her to transition to this new life, UNTIL, the new guy shows up.

 

Dont help her, dont pep talk to her, dont be there for her.

 

The full (long) story is in another thread.

 

Anyway I know that the root of my problem is lack of attraction. She frequently made comments whilst in our relationship that I asked her opinion too much and didn't take the lead,

 

Thats a major issue. Some woman think "man", they think leader, or ambitious, its a role that we are stereotyped in, and we are expected to fulfill. Its sexy when a man takes charge, its a trait that a woman looking for a protector of her family and home wants. A protector leads.

 

I dont know about you, but when a women helps me with food, or I got cut and she bandages it, or show somes nurtering nature, I want to obliterate her right then and there (seriously, even if we had a fight and shes acting cranky). Same concept, some people think of a sex, and think of the traditional role, and they look for that, they want to mate with that. This isnt true for all sexes, but shes pretty much told you it bugs her, its a pretty easy interpretation on what she wants.

 

I also moaned a lot about most things, preferred to stay in and watch TV, picked fights and was generally not much fun. These are all things I am working on improving for myself but which I believe will also improve attraction.

 

Yes it will. A man who stays home displays no value. Its like he "gave up", hes not a protector, hes not a leader, hes not a catch.

 

Since we have broken up we have remained friends; very good friends. We see each other a couple of times a week and talk every day. I am very close to her parents and I go over for dinner once every couple of weeks. I even went on holiday with them and my ex for a week about a month after we broke up. It's gotten to the stage now (within the last month) where she invites me to stay over and we sleep in the same bed. I have to stress that there is no sex, we just cuddle. She says that whenever this happens it makes her feel more attached to me and she doesn't want to let me go. She also cuddles up to me when we watch a film/tv etc.

 

I miss the cuddling, but not so much my ex. I want to fill that gap of being united with someone (with someone else), but I am waiting it out until I can think clearer. She could be just using you to fill the gap of loneliness. If shes not sexually attracted to you, then shes not seeing you as her mate.

 

This could be a good or bad sign though. Maybe shes confused, so its not so bad. Though I would not get my hopes up just yet.

 

My question is, am I sinking into the friend zone or is any of this a good thing? I know she doesn't want to get back together, but I know that this is because of the lack of attraction - she's mentioned that a lot recently. I want her to be attracted to me again and I know she wants to be attracted to me again but don't know the best way to go about it. I've been trying NIC over the last 2 weeks and she has started getting very insecure about me 'not loving her' anymore and started making plans about us hanging out more and even going on holiday together.

 

Do I go on holiday with her?

Do I sleep over at her house?

If not then how do I change this behavior subtly so she doesn't think it's because I have a hidden agenda?

How do I maximize my chances of her being attracted to me again?

Is reconciliation even possible in these circumstances?

 

Sorry for the list of questions; I'm just battling with myself about whether I'd be shooting myself in the foot either way.

 

I'd appreciate your feedback.

 

Thanks,

 

BigMac

 

Ok, think of what she told you:

 

--Not sexually attracted to you (btw, love but not in love with you means, she loves you, but doesnt find you attractive, and since that attraction isnt there, then its not lover love, its friend-love).

 

--You stayed home

 

--You never was a leader.

 

It doesnt take much thought, you have to do everything in reverse. Going back to that list:

 

-- Attract her, obviously, her complaints were things that hinted what she found unattractive to you. Dont do them, do the opposite.

 

-- You stayed home, dont stay home. Staying home means, I GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH MY LIFE, I HAVE NO VALUE, NO ONE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME, I WANT TO ONLY GOT OUTSIDE FOR MY GIRLFRIEND, BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT LIKES ME. This doesnt mean you leave your house and chill with her, thats the same thing as not going outside, it still sets off the feelings that you have nothing else better to do (especially since shes your EX!!! And you are hanging on her!)- I dont mean to sound harsh dude, but this happened to me too, so this applied to me too.

 

-- You never was a leader. You go to HER house, hang with HER family, go with HER TO HER VACATION. You still arent a leader, you are still following. Next time you want to see her, its because YOU need something. "Hey, I am going out tonight and I need to buy a new shirt at the mall, come with me." If she asks where you are going, say with friends, when she asks what kind of friends, tell them, I dont know, just a bunch of friends, and they are bringing other friends. Dont bring her along (even if you arent going out), she isnt your gf, dont bring an ex to hang with friends (I see soooooo many dudes get their ex's snatched from under them this way). "Hey, I need to pick up something for my mom, come with me for the company, I am going to see my friends later tonight, so i rather not drag any of them along right now." Meet on your terms for your needs.

 

Now you have to analyze the deeper meanings of her complaints. You are too available to her (no one else wants you around so you stick by her), and you arent fun. Act busy, be busy, let her think there is someone else, let her think you are getting tired of this BS friendship stuff. If she gets upset, tell her, "hey, calm down, we are friends, and i dont mean to sound mean but, my other friends want to see me too". Be cool, be confident, and dont chase her.

 

... then sneak in some teasing. Throw in some positive memories of good times, "remember when i made fun of you in bleh bleh, that was classic". Confidence, being busy (showing value, PEOPLE WANT YOU), teasing, positive energies, and the biggest thing of all... ONE BIG CHANGE (clothes, working out, car, work, whatever).

 

I would have went NC, but she is doing some confusing stuff. I would pull and push. Push away, then pull back in. Everytime there is contact, its for something you want, "I am bored, my friends are all tired from last night, what have you been up to?"- you are bored, make on a day that wont make you look like you are stuck in the house (weekday).

 

Regardless, if you lose her doing this or what you are doing now, it wont matter, you already lost her a long time ago. You might as well not make it easier to forget you as BOYFRIEND-YOU, not make it easier for her to get used to FRIEND-YOU.

 

Keyword thats missing: be careless, and dont expect anything. She is a friend, note, a friend, not a close friend.

[jonr87]

Thorshammer gets it, straight up. Great great post

[jonr87]

I have a question relating to this thread, a situation akin to mine in some respects.... I've been reading The Way of the Superior Man (which I recommend to ANY guy or girl in ANY situation that has brought them to this board, I haven't come accross a piece of literature that his helped my personal development more in my adult life). Just as I read and praised Thors' post, I had finished the section on female attraction, which is perhaps why I was in such admiration...rings true.

 

I won't go into my own story here too much, but having been pretty needy and clingy and 'feminine' in the BU (6 months ago now), and in what I recognise in reflection as an attempted reconciliation on her part around 3 months ago (I still want her back now), I'm particularly interested in this sentence that the author includes in Chapter 29 (for reference):

 

‘Once she feels your neediness, once she feels that you need her more than she needs you, she will never trust your masculine core’...

 

Just for a bit of context for posters unfamilar with the book, this quote leads on from the below theory of polarity in relationships:

 

‘The priority of the masculine core is mission, purpose, or direction in life. The priority of the feminine core is the flow of love in intimacy. If a woman feels your feminine is stronger than hers—if she feels that the intimacy is more important to you than to her—then she will naturally animate her masculine. She will want space, she will want freedom to pursue her own direction, and she will be repulsed by your clinginess.’

 

I think it's fair to say a lot of the new wave of members on this board (Thorshammer, EgoJoe, The Man Who etc) have taken giant strides in understanding attraction and are pretty admirable from where I sit accross the pond, or south of the border. I'm on a similar path myself now, a few steps behind. Guys, I'm interested to hear your thoughts on the above...do you agree with what the author writes in bold? Once you've demonstrated this needy and pretty repulsive clingyness post BU, is there anyway back to her trusting your masculine core again (ultimately building successful attraction)? Or is it a case of NEVER and game over / damage limitation?

 

Happy Tuesday

[Thorshammer]

Surprisingly, I couldnt keep reading the Way of the Superior Man. Even though its saying most of the things I knew and read elsewhere, it seemed a bit too sensitive for me, and it seemed to branch off to things that didnt relate to me. Maybe I am too used to reading books that went straight to the point, or I am forgetting that the book was written with other purposes besides relationships.

 

Besides the cheap wannabe quick-fix schemes to get your ex back books (they actually have good information, it explained a lot of what I did wrong), I also (dont laugh!) read books on pick up artists, and it helped further develop all these concepts in a bigger way than just a GET YOUR EX BACK scheme.

‘Once she feels your neediness, once she feels that you need her more than she needs you, she will never trust your masculine core’...

 

Society puts us in roles, not only in what we do in life, but in what sex we are. So, for a lot of women, they will see men as protectors, providers, and in control of themselves and their emotions. Then there is the typical stereotype of the needy wife, the clingy housemom, etc, but now, we have this in men, which isnt so much our stereotype. You play against this role, you look unstable and chaotic, you seem abnormal. This is why the trust is screwed up, you are not playing your role that she expects, some might feel that you are not fulfilling their needs, so they wont know what your purpose is.

 

I guess in the most simplest of terms, using my ex as an example, I am not her rock, I am not her support, I am not her hero. She cant come to me for help, because, emotionally, I am not in control of myself (needy, sad, etc.), I am closed off and very single-minded, with no prospects of life (staying home). You dont go to someone who clings to you for support when they have nothing to stand on, they cant truly take your judgement about serious issues, they would rather get that from someone who is ambitious, and in control of themselves (because that reflects them being in control of OUTSIDE themselves). Once you lose your strength of character, you wont look as attractive to a female. I always use the old tribal leader in history analogy. Woman sought the most powerful and stable person in the tribe to mate with, they were the best protectors and providers. These qualities were the only selling point back then, they guaranteed mate and offspring for the male. If you were a weak tribal man, you were not trusted by the woman for her safety.

 

As to get that "back", is hard to say. The best way that I know how, I got from a pick-up artists perspective. You need a change that reflects a big change in you. I was once very emotional with one ex, I was going through the worst time in my life when i dated this girl. She saw me very weak. My big change was my intelligence, I grew up and I learned to love history and politics, I awed her with this. This reflected a change of intelligence, that it was easy to have it reflect a change in me. Also, bulking up a few lbs in muscle helps create further that, "me... strong man!" These things reflect change and control. I changed my mind and my body, I controlled myself to perform these 'not so easy' accomplishments.

 

Also, there is other simpler things to do. Call less, wander off when you see her, text people as you talk to her, look away or be interested in something else when you are around her, woman are good at picking up hints, and they will see this as you being less needy and clingy, since you are less involved and hanging on to each and every breath they make. I like to just vanish when I am on a date with someone, they turn and I am not there, they think, "huh... this guy left me", then I pop up a few minutes/seconds later with a shirt I want to buy. Its being a bit careless. Probably might not make sense to some, but to a lot of people, they see you are about yourself too, you arent sucking up their air-space, you are here for yourself too. I would also try to be a bit physically distant, I wouldnt crowd her, this will show you are very needy by being too close ("i want everyone to know i am with you, so guys back off!"). Thats why I say, always contact an ex because its something you need (like a second opinion, or you need something solved, but not to get their attention, and not because you want and need THEM FOR THEM). Always on your time, you are on the pedestal.

[HopeArises]

 

 

 

Oh, really? You guys broke up 6 months ago, she hasnt yet "lived without you". I have had ex's come back longer than that. She is not living without you, your presence is still available. When someone is living without someone, that means that person is gone, and they are gone forever. They dont stick around. You make it easier for her to believe in that when you allow yourself to play her "friend" role, you slip into that role and make her comfortable. Having the man, but not be committed, and not be worried about being attracted. Basically, you are doing the work and not getting the sex. You accept this when you stay in this "role", you make it easier for her to transition to this new life, UNTIL, the new guy shows up.

 

Dont help her, dont pep talk to her, dont be there for her.

 

Bro, this is a huge misconception. I totally agree with you that if you stay in their life and are being a friend and just a friend, it will KILL all your chances, but if you know how to play your cards right and seduce them when they are in YOUR presence, by offering emotional fulfillment, while remaining independent AND have your OWN life (dating OTHER girls), you BECOME an object of desire to them and in doing this you can RE-attract their desire button for you. This can NEVER be done when you are completely removed from their life. I agree that a period of time has to elapse after the breakup, so that they don't feel bombarded by you. So, you remove yourself from them for a while (so that they do experience your absence..1-2 months) and during this time you make yourself into a better person. A more attractive person and a more confident person, you knows how to play the game and when you do and if that window of opportunity is still there with your ex to have contact with you, TAKE IT and you can lure them back in. This works and it works WELL, if you know how to do it and I stand by that conviction 100%.

[jonr87]

Hopearises I agree with you here, but also see where Thor is coming from...it depends how you play your cards I suppose in terms of your availability...as previous threads have noted it's like feeding a bird:

 

I guess in the most simplest of terms, using my ex as an example, I am not her rock, I am not her support, I am not her hero. She cant come to me for help, because, emotionally, I am not in control of myself (needy, sad, etc.), I am closed off and very single-minded, with no prospects of life (staying home). You dont go to someone who clings to you for support when they have nothing to stand on, they cant truly take your judgement about serious issues, they would rather get that from someone who is ambitious, and in control of themselves (because that reflects them being in control of OUTSIDE themselves). Once you lose your strength of character, you wont look as attractive to a female.

 

On the above, if you fulfill this role...is that it game over? Do you believe once she has seen this side of you that you can't regain the masculine polarity in a relationship?