A missing condom....Did he cheat on me?

[liz22]

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[Scout]

Well, there is no way of knowing for sure. However, you can pay attention to red flags, and this certainly qualifies as a glaring red flag!

 

Let me ask you something - why do you check his wallet, and why didn't he get angry when you confronted him that you had checked his wallet? Frankly, in a healthy relationship I don't think it's "ok" to go through our partners personal belongings. Not to say I haven't done it myself.... ...but, the urge to do it was usually when I was not in a healthy relationship.

 

Are there other issues that have come up in the past that have given you reason to be distrustful of him?

[Scout]

Well, I think that it's strange that he just happened to decide to throw away the condom when he was away in another city. I would be concerned if I were you.

[Bloodblade]

i wouldnt jump to conclusions, it is possible that he gave one to a friend or somthing

[onix88]

um, if your boyfriend has even the smallest brain he would not have used that condom because there is a VERY good chance that it would not work right. you should never keep a condom in a wallet because your body heat weakens the latex, and after 2 years, it will definitely be no good. so unless your boyfriend's an idiot he would not have cheated on you with that condom. so don't freak out too much yet

[San123]

It's kind of odd that he said it should be in there, then when you told him it's not he claims he threw it away... it seems like he would have remembered!

[Princess777]

yeah I find it odd too that he first said it should be in there and then said he must have thrown it away.

 

I think you will probably never know what really happened. Unfortunately this is exactly where trust is involved. You either have it or you don't... it sounds like you don't trust him, and the fact that you went through his wallet suggests you didn't trust him before this ever happened, right?

[Ash]

My take on it all ...

 

I personally would think you would be more upset that he would carry the condom in his wallet when you are around. That would indicate to me at least he thinks there's a chance he might use it.

 

If he did use it when you were away, and didn't want to have you know, I'd have thought he would make damned sure he replaced it before you got back.

 

Like Princess says though, it really all comes down to trust. He may have forgotten, his buddies may have bugged him about not using it and he was embarrassed to tell you that, who knows.

 

Think whether you trust him. Don't let the misunderstood disappearance of a single condom get in the way of a good relationship.

[Day_Walker]

This all comes down to trust, if it wasnt the missing condom in his wallet then it would be something else. Are there any other reasons why you dont trust your bf? I would suspect the answer is yes. If you believe that you cannot trust your bf then why are you with him? Do you want to worry what you bf is up to all the time? The answer should be No. If you feel that you cannot trust him then you should find a guy that you can trust.

[mahlina]

Liz22, Girl, I feel for you. I know how the pain feels. What you're feeling is not your fault at all. People may dish out a million possibilities, but the main point is, no matter what, your hunch knows that something's not right. It just stuns me how his excuse changed from one to another.

 

I know that this whole incident will be tough to get over. The more that you love him, the more you would care to analyze the situation. Because you care, you're trying your best to find the 'right' answer to make sense of this whole thing. Does it feel as though half if you wants to stick things out/work on the relationship? If so, then basically, you have to ask yourself if staying with him is worth it. You know that deep down inside, what is 'right' or 'wrong' for you. Dating should be about enjoying each other, being happy, honest, and loving each other. When given a reason to doubt (cheating wise), that's when it's important to realize that if the relationship is not stable.

 

It's like building a house over unstable ground. In the long run, the longer you stay, the harder things will collapse on you. I know that you're not just jumping into conclusions. People on the outside, especially strangers, might underestimate you, and automatically label you as 'jumping to conclusions'. In reality, you're the one who's in the relationship. You know what's going on. You're more keenly aware, thereforeeee they aren't, so they have no rights to say that you're wrong for feeling the way that you do. I was in a similar situation, in which the ex didn't shove his condom in his wallet, but left a open package under his bed. When confronted, he had several excuses. Some people told me that they thought I jumped to conclusions. In the end, the truth finally came out. They were wrong. My hunch was right. I regret listening to their advice, doubting my hunch, sticking it out, keeping my mouth shut, and in the end, getting hurt and screwed over. As a result, it really set me back in my studies and long-term goals. I felt as though I lost myself. I'm still repiecing what I have left of myself. I hope that things won't fall apart as badly for you as it did for me.

 

thereforeeee, I don't want to do a disservice to you by giving some kind of generic advice. The best advice I can offer you is to: Listen to your hunch. Base your decisions on consequences that you think are best in the 'long' run for your future. Hang in there.-Mahlina

[Boiling Point]

so what do you think you could get out of it when you confront him again?

we really don't know whether he dId it or not, but his answer is likely to be negative toward your accusation.

 

For me, I would take his explaination and give him benefit of doubt.

[Princess777]

I agree it doesn't look good and if it were my boyfriend, I'd definitely be worried too. I think some women have good intuition for things like that. And let's face it, there aren't many people in general who are just going to come out and tell you "Yeah, you're right, I had sex with another person". That's why I think my initial question of whether or not you trusted him before this matters a LOT. You could throw away something great if it truly is innocent but you could also be playing the fool if he did cheat.

 

Sit down with him and have a serious talk about this. Tell him you need to know what happened to the condom for your own peace of mind. Ask him to reverse the situation so he will better understand. The problem with your problem is that you will probably never really THINK you know the truth unless he actually admits to cheating because I suspect that even if he really did throw it away or it fell out, you wouldn't believe him anyway. Your trust issues with him are the root of all of this. Even if you dig for information from his friends, I don't think you will ever really feel confident with whatever information you uncover because they could be covering for him or they could be inflating it to get to YOU.

 

I hope you find out the truth. Please keep us posted. I'm sorry this is happening and I definitely wouldn't ignore it. I doubt any guy out there would ignore it if their girlfriend went away and had gone out partying and something of the like occurred.