lilbit Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I am 24 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years! We have been engaged for 6 months. Our wedding date is 8 months away and I think he is cheating. We have had our talks and he told me he just needs more trust. Problem is he never has his phone around me and when it is around he has a password so I can't see anything. I asked him to let me see it and he said No, that I was trying to act like his mom and control his decisions. I asked him straight out if he was talking to anyone or seeing anyone else. Of coarse he said no! He siad he would tell me if he wanted to be with anyone else but I don't think he would! The last couple of weeks he has been acting very differant! I can tell something is going on...He tells me I am crazy and we shouldnt get married if I don't trust him but how can I? We both have made mistakes in the past but I thought we were passed the mistakes! I just don't know what to do at this point. I know he is the man for me, but I guess you can't make someone love you. I'm trying to look the other way but I don't want to get walked on either. I just don't know what he is waiting for...waiting for me to catch him in the act. Obviously he can't admit it to me! I don't know if I should just walk away and let him see this other girl! If I meant so much to him he wouldn't be doing this..or maybe I am just crazy??? Help! Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Has he ever given you any other reasons to believe he's cheated in the past? In what way is his behavior different now? Usually there's at least SOMETHING that triggers distrust or suspicion, even if it seems small. Link to comment
lilbit Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 Yes, I have caught him talking to several girls in the past, but he never admits it ever! I have seen the texts, heard the voicemails in the past and he would still deny it! He has been acting differant in several ways. He gets home late, not to late but later than usual and doesn't call or answer my calls if I call him. As soon as he gets home he changes and tries to avoid me. I can just tell he is doing something wrong! Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 You minus well ask him to give you his password to his email address and whatever else.. May I ask why it so important to you that you have to see his phone? I mean you have very little evident and a lot of assumptions that he is cheating. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Has anyone cheated on you before? Or when you say "talking to other girls" and voicemails, are they well accross the line of "friendly?" It sounds like at one time you had access to his phone, but don't anymore? Link to comment
lilbit Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 I use to have acces to his phone but not anymore! He doesn't want to give me passwords, he said that is fatal and we should not need to look at each other's phone. He has cheated before...convos were more than friendly! i understant I am not gonna be the only girl that he is going to talk to but their is also a line u should not cross! That's the same question he asks me! Why do I need to see his phone? If he wasn't acting weird I would care less about it but its the way he is acting! I can almost guarantee I would find evidence that he was cheating if I could see him phone but like you said you can't find the right person until you let go of the wrong one! its just harder to do than I thought! Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 I think you should break off the engagement at the least until the trust issues get resolved. GL Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 If you don't trust this man and he's not willing to give up his privacy to help you get through it I would break off the engagement as well. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 So far we have: At one time he didn't have a problem with you seeing his phone, but now he does. You've caught him in "naughty conversations" with other women, and receiving voicemails that crossed the line of friendship And he's avoiding you, coming home late, not answering your calls If it was ONLY the first and last things, I'd say maybe it's because of your insistence on something going on. However - he's given you REASON not to trust him, and his actions show he's not willing to do what it takes to rebuild your trust. I'd be thinking twice before going through with getting married. Heck, I'd be thinking twice about even sticking around unless he showed some drastic improvement in how seriously he takes your relationship. Do you really want to marry a man you can't trust? Link to comment
Anonymous 6 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I'd be thinking twice before going through with getting married. Heck, I'd be thinking twice about even sticking around unless he showed some drastic improvement in how seriously he takes your relationship. Do you really want to marry a man you can't trust? Ditto I've got to say I can honestly understand how you are feeling right now, and if it is one thing that I have begun to realize, is that It's no way to live your life. The worries and "thoughts" that you are having right now, how many times over the past years that you have been together have those thoughts begun to control your life? As no offense they seem to be doing right now. If he can't be honest about the mistakes that you BOTH know that he has made in the past, how can you expect him to fess up to any mistakes that he will ever make in the present or future? So BEFORE you turn into damaged goods from all of the stress he has put you under, explain to him that you need the truth; If he can't be honest with you then, I know it seems very harsh but- I would walk- Link to comment
lilbit Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Yes, I agree all of you are right! I have no business in a relationship if I don't trust him. I think the thoughts and concerns have already taken over and its no way to live. I love this man and I can picture myself with him as we grow old, but we are still young and maybe I am living in a fantasy world. Thank you all for the advice! It did help me open my eyes... I know what I need to do and I am not gonna let it take over my life anymore! Thanks again... Link to comment
Liraele Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Yep, if he wasn't doing anything shady, he wouldn't have an issue with you having access to his stuff. Private people are ALWAYS private, they don't just suddenly become that way (I'm sure there are exceptions, but...)... the fact that you had access to it before, and now he refuses is a pretty big red flag. I'd definitely be re-evaluating whether or not I wanted to marry this person, and also re-evaluating whether I wanted to stay in a relationship with someone I didn't trust. Link to comment
Glowguy Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 He has already demonstrated to you that he isn't trustworthy. Why would it be any different this time? I agree with the others who said to walk. This relationship doesn't sound healthy at all. Never stick around with a cheater. It will only make you miserable in the long run. I hope you find the strength to walk away and demand better for yourself. Link to comment
vickyylove Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I guess I'm different to everyone else. I don't understand why he wouldn't let you see his phone if he isn't hiding anything. Link to comment
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