why do looks matter

[dpressedone89]

ok well im wondering for all those people who think looks do matter in a relationship ... why? why does having a beautiful partner matter, is it so others will be jealous, i really dont understand but it seems to matter to alot of people im wondering why

-stitches aka The Antihero

[Vert]

My friends and I always joked that we could never marry a woman that was incredibly beautiful and sexy. Why? Well, mainly because we'd rather not live a life of insecurity wondering when or if she'll cheat on you, and also having tons of guys oogling her eveywhere she goes. It's a double edged sword, but in the end I just want a normal girl that loves me with all her heart. I had that once and lost it. My ex-gf was not a supermodel and had an average body, but she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Looks aren't everything, but at the same time we all need attraction.

[drahcir]

One thing to remember is that usually looks are more important to guys searching for a girlfriend than the other way round. Girls usually place less importance on looks.

 

Often when a girl is non-attractive and hasn't had a boyfriend she is much more easy to get then one who is attractive. Attractive girls can be demanding.

[jennifermlaw]

looks aren't everything sweetie, it's what they are like on the inside. If you really like someone you won't care what others think. =)

[ShroudedSorrow24]

physical looks are what initially attracts people to each other, thats the way our brains are programmed. If I had to choose between a great looking girl with a horrible personality, or the exact opposite of her, I would choose the opposite.

[johnagent1911]

I'm sorry but from what I've seen looks plays a lot in life, in general. Studies show "better" looking people being more successful in life than people who are less attractive. I've also read things about how people accept attrative people more than unattrative people, which in return kind of makes sense if you think about it. (i.e. People that have long hair and don't dress like the "norm" get judged all the time. I'm sure you can think of other examples.)

[tahlia]

There normally is something small that you are physically attracted to when you are with someone. It doesn't mean that they are neccessarily good looking though. For example I find guys with a nice smile or nice eyes very attractive, even if they don't have a great face or body. Usually there has to be at least one small thing that you physically find irrestable. Personality will get you everywhere thats true, but if theres absolutely no physical attraction well for me anyway it doesn't really work out. I fell for this guy once who was a bit chibby, really hairy and quite unfit but had a fantastic personality and I could stare into his beautiful eyes all day. Of course he ended up cheating on me...

 

Don't get yourself down. Everyones got different tastes lucky for us. In teh end your heart can't see what the person looks like, blind people fall in love all the time!

[Massari]

I'm sorry but from what I've seen looks plays a lot in life, in general. Studies show "better" looking people being more successful in life than people who are less attractive. I've also read things about how people accept attrative people more than unattrative people, which in return kind of makes sense if you think about it.

 

 

I don't agree with this.. especially when you are tryng to generalize this Idea that great looks get you in ahead in life.. some jobs required looks and no tallent.. and some relationships rotate around looks and outer beauty.. brain that is what gets you in life most of the time.. an intelligent conversation can trigger inside a girl and creat that burning love.

[goddess23]

yes its true. "better" looking people are treated with some extra advantages. but the idea of having an attractive partner, i agree with sorrow24. the looks is how we've been programmed, its the initial attraction, and no matter what we need to be attracted to our partner. but in the end its not everything. in the end we need something so much deeper. so really looks is a personal preference.

 

hey just because a girl is more attractive doesnt mean shes more demanding. honestly sometimes i feel being attractive isnt all that great...but i do know it does play a factor in our life. and sometimes all i long for is for my bf to look me deep into my eyes and tell me how beautiful i am (for me he doesnt do it often enough). why do i care about this? even though its not the most noble of things it is what i want, something i need. and sometimes i feel guilty that i care. but i do...even if its 10% of the whole thing i do. why do looks matter? because its part of human nature. but thankfully we have evolved and most of us realize that theres so much more to look for in a person, so much more that matters.

[Meow18]

I think you have to be at least a little physically attracted to a person in order to date them, or be with them. If you thought that they were unattractive, could you really get close with them? Would you really want to kiss them & do other intimate things with them? I don't mean to sound shallow, but they have to be at least kind of attractive.

 

However, whats attractive to one person isn't attractive to another.

 

I agree with the fact that I would rather be with someone who wasn't so attractive, but was a great person, than someone who was "hot", but was a jerk.

 

Your personality changes your appearance a lot though. Jerky people have bad attitudes, which just shows through & it makes them look bad. No matter how good looking they are, their bad personality just isn't attractive. Of course you will always find people who don't care about personalities & just want someone who they think is good looking. Then people who aren't the most attractive people can be found very attractive to some if they have great personalities. Good personalities make you seem more confident, which is always more attractive.

 

I was once friends with this guy, who when I first met him, I thought he was really weird looking. I didn't find him good looking in the least bit. But then, the more I got to know him, the more I found myself falling for him. He was a great guy & he became a really good friend I suddenly found myself being pyshically attracted to him as well. He was the kind of guy who everyone else thought was "ugly", however, I really fell for him. He was the first guy I ever had that strong of feelings for, but of course it didn't work out.

 

I don't think looks are the most important thing. I think there are definantly other things I would want more than a good looking guy. However, like I said, he would have to be at least attractive to me. I don't care who else thinks he attractive, others can think he's the ugliest guy.

 

So, looks are sort of important, but not more important than other things. If looks are all you care about, then you should go for the supermodels that have only their looks going for them. Otherwise, you should look deeper than looks because its really your personality that makes your looks what they are.

[Meow18]

You have to think though, what is attractive?

 

We could all name people we find attractive & qualities in a person that we find attractive & I'll bet that every person will have something different. You can't define attractive because everyone has their own idea of whats attractive. Just like you can't define whats normal or whats cool.

[lusitana]

What is attractive, indeed. I showed my friend a picture of this guy I'm hopelessly attracted to. My friend just sputtered, "What? THIS is the guy? You mislead me, I figured he was at least somewhat good-looking! Why the hell do you keep chasing these horribly ugly men?" [said friend has no tact whatsoever.]

 

I don't consider myself huge on physical appearance but I guess to me, imperfections make a person even sexier. I hugged some guy I had a crush on and discovered he had a roll on his hip and I practically started drooling. Weird, I suppose. Or I was watching Love Actually and was all into Carl (the dude the American woman wanted) until I saw him without his clothes and the perfectly sculpted body...it just turned me way, way off. Maybe if he'd had a good layer of fat obscuring his abs...or maybe I'd just liked his overcoat!

 

And the studies johnagent is referring to controlled for external variables, meaning that test subjects were presented with candidates with pretty much equal credentials and would overwhelmingly pick the more attractive candidate even though looks theoretically don't matter in a business setting. Stuff like that.

[kungfumaster]

Why do looks matter?? Well, to get down to the nitty gritty science of physical attraction, or if you want to call it, our primordial self, it comes down to survival of the fittest and our desire to pass on our genes (this is all just conjecture of course, but its just interesting to think about).

 

If your partner has good genes, then your children will be more likely to survive and live longer (and hence have a better chance of passing your genes on for another generation) than if you choose a partner who has "weaker" genes. And, usually, a healthy, good looking fit person is perceived to have "better" and more healthier genes than one who looks pale, thin, ugly and gangly (although he/she might be smarter... heeee heeee). I guess you can think of it, as in the really old days, the strong, fit, (maybe good looking) men were of better hunters than the ugly men (just my guess here, but you get my point right?). And the beautiful, more "shapelier" women who carried more fat around their hips has a better chance of giving birth to babies than their more thin hipped counterparts (not true of course, but you get the point right?).

 

So, I guess that's why we value good looks so much - its because we want to give our children the best possible chance of survival by giving to them the best possible genes, and we have this perception that good looking people have better genes than the average looking person - which is not true of course. But I guess its up to the individual to decide what kind of genes he or she wants their children to have

[abcjmt]

Ah the age old question of why do looks matter. Well there really is no easy answer to that one. Well my believe on this is that the reason that looks matter for so many people is, well its been hammered into their brains over and over again, by the media, movies, television, and everything. It is sort of caused by well just nature, well some what. See nature has programmed animals to seek out the best mates, healthiest, strongest, etc. So with this in mind, subconsciously we humans look for those qualities, just part of us. But mainly it because it has been driven into us what to look for, the good looks.

 

See looks are the attractor of human relationships; we all have something that we see first when we gaze upon some one new. Even if the person is the hottest in the world, that is still not enough. There needs to be a connection, between the two people other than looks, for it to last. Well because looks fade with time, as do such things. In the end looks, are not what people won't, its just an folly though that's been pounded in every ones head. Peer pressure does the rest. For example, Person A is hot and well person B is not. If you were to get with person B you wouldn't feel like you have something special, seeing personality is something learned over time, and looks are, well intent; peers would only see looks. Then if you were to go with person A, people would be commenting to you about your partner, and that to must people just feels good.

 

All and all I would say it's the worlds image of looks matter that time and time again has been pressed into us, that has created such a "Looks matter" attitude with the would. For look on TV, you hardly ever see an "ugly" person on it, and normally if you do, that role is portrayed as negative and unwonted. With in turn impresses the thought that "ugly is bad." So in my humble option, it's the way every one else thinks that influences most of us to think.

 

So be your self, be true, and form you own options.

[Trigve]

to the original poster--

 

 

think about it this way. you walk into a room, and there're 100 guys. you don't know them. Each of them could very well have a good or bad personality. How do you know? The only way to find out is to get to know them.

 

ok, well, there's a hundred of them, how do you choose who to get to know? (see where's I'm going with this?). so you tell me, "get to know all of them and give them all a chance". Okay, how do you choose who to get to know first?

 

the fact is, at this point all the information you have to judge these guys is, well, their looks.

 

 

yes, personality is what matters in the end. but unfortunately, personalities aren't displayed over our heads. Looks are.

 

How far would you really get if you choose your dates based on personality? Well consider these two things, 1. How many people can you honestly say you know well? 2. and then how many of those would you date? We usually just have to judge people/choose dates initially from their looks, the same reason why packaging on a merchadise is important even though it's something you throw away once you get home.

[jurupa]

The reason why looks matter is that looks are the sign of health and well being. But everyone has to deal with the bad and the good sides with their looks. I can point out some examples, but I think you guys/girls can think some up.

[Shinobie]

Wow if looks dont mean everything to girls then why r they never attracted to me?bingo.Because im ugly and girls do not want an ugly guy so u cant say girls dont go for looks cause i never seem to get that same glance from a women as my friend who girls think is attracted.They usually just look away from me and dont give me one chance cause im ugly.

[johnagent1911]

Here you go:

 

link removed

 

Do some searches to see what I'm talking about. I don't think this link is that great of a source but it is a book you can buy.

 

Again do a search and you'll find some better stuff written on what I'm talking about.

[dpressedone89]

my oppinion is simple, they matter because, much like envy of any kind, people want there partner to be better looking than the next persons, but they shouldnt because looks can change in an instant, lighting the bbq could change someones life, looks change the personality stays the same any more oppinions

-stitches aka The antihero

[Shidoshi]

I think looks matter, as many people have stated, because we are still hardwired to be attracted to physical appearances. I can remember when I was a little kid, I saw an older female pass by and she had this look that made me feel verrrrry strange. I had never felt that way before from just looking at a person, her beauty captivated me even at the young age of like 7 or 8 maybe. I think for the most part, attraction is beyond our control, I can't just make myself physically attracted to a person, it happens on its own.

[S1asher6]

Much was said, so... what can I say? It's programmed into our heads, it's the media, it's nature, etc.. But to distinctly point out, it's just a classification of standards. You look like a Britney, you want a Justin. If you're a Donald Trump, you'll want that sexy and competent bimbo with a business mind. And if you're that intelligent smart-ass who's always keen on things, would you take a bimbo who thinks 1+1 equals an H? Simply said, look matters as well as personality. Physical appearance just comes first.

[under_the_pressure]

Well, I didn't look through all of the replies but just my opinion, looks simply do not matter. It may be the first thing you notice about someone but to me they don't matter. If you got good looks then yay, goodie for you, if not, oh well. Beauty is on the inside. Everything that matters is on the inside. just my 2 cents.

 

under*

[dpressedone89]

i do think looks matter to people sadly as it may be.beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different taste, everyone is beautiful to someone and im sure some people must be beautiful to everyone but if you never go deeper than a simple outside glance at someone you will never truly know them. true beauty can never be seen but it is on the inside and is felt through deep loving conversations , any oppinions on this

[S1asher6]

Well, I didn't look through all of the replies but just my opinion, looks simply do not matter.

 

I stand at 5 feet 11 inches tall, weighs a meager 108 lbs., looks like a monkey with the slumping low-lower lips, though have eyes twice as small as a monkey's. There's a birth mark on my volley-ball-sized forehead that looks like an apple, and one of my arm is half a foot longer than the other. I'm a sensitive, caring, loving person with the heart of a tiger, and I have a bank account that pays me 20 thousand dollars in interest each year. Would you like to go out on a date with me?

I hope you'll truthfully answer to yourself whether or not if you would go on a date with a person of the physical bearing I've described and not to say yes just to stand firm in an opinion. And among a population of millions, I wouldn't doubt that someone would take a person of that description. But those are rare instances. Among the general population, physical appearance matters, at least, to an extent.

[dpressedone89]

if someone looks past physical appearance and gets to know someone then a relationship can take place, the problem is most gurls and guys wont look past it to get to know someone.im certain if a gurl got to know someone like you described and the person was as nice as you say he is then of course a gurl would date him. gurls tend to look past physical appearance more than men do for some reason but yeah

-stitches ak a the antihero