Is love a choice or a feeling?

[Lonewing]

If this is the case, then why so many long term relationships end? I read so many threads where relationships over 8+ years end or people who were engaged and ready for marriage break up because of GIGS or they simply fell out of love, etc.

 

You rememebr what I said about feelings being a conscious Choice?

 

If you don't nurture your relationship and continue to make that choice to have that feeling - including seeking those opportunities that empower that feeling - it goes away!!! Shocking, isn't it!

 

All these relaitonships fail because one partner thinks the relationships "happen" automatically. And then they stop having that feeling, and make the decisiont o NOT have that feeling anymore...becasue there's *obvioulsy something wrong* if they've fallen out of love [the horror!]

[LDRohnos]

If this is the case, then why so many long term relationships end? I read so many threads where relationships over 8+ years end or people who were engaged and ready for marriage break up because of GIGS or they simply fell out of love, etc.

 

Thats just the thing, I don't think love is black and white and to put it simply I don't think some people understand how to handle it or more importantly *they have a difference in how it's interpreted.*. They feel "affection" or "lust" for someone and they immediately assume it's love. As I said people have the ability to love more than one person and have the ability to be attracted to THOUSANDS of people at the same time. GIGS is just a byproduct of someone who either truly was never in love with that person or still doesn't understand what love means to them or how to act upon it.

 

When two people live together for a long time doesn't mean that they're connecting with each other anymore and perhaps fell out of love long before they were divorced. When I say "mental memory" I mean it in a completely non-physical state. I see my co-workers almost every single day, that doesn't mean I love them.

[forlackof]

I think that love is a feeling cemented by choice.

 

As to why people get GIGS mentioned above--I think so many unhappy people think that the second they see someone else they "like" who seems more compatible with them, they would rather pick the easy way out rather than the more difficult rebuilding the current relationship path. People instinctively like things that are new and experiences that are new.

[gluestick]

I think so many unhappy people think that the second they see someone else they "like" who seems more compatible with them, they would rather pick the easy way out rather than the more difficult rebuilding the current relationship path. People instinctively like things that are new and experiences that are new.

 

Would you guys rather work things out with your SO or take the easy way out (if there aren't issues like cheating or violence)? If I truly loved someone, I'd want to work through our problems. So many people would rather give up than keep trying whenever things get tough. My ex is like that and I have to say, I deserve so much more. I mean, no relationship is perfect and it's very hard work. Some people don't realize it's the ones who stay and work things out who we should keep in our lives.

[forlackof]

Would you guys rather work things out with your SO or take the easy way out (if there aren't issues like cheating or violence)? If I truly loved someone, I'd want to work through our problems. So many people would rather give up than keep trying whenever things get tough. My ex is like that and I have to say, I deserve so much more. I mean, no relationship is perfect and it's very hard work. Some people don't realize it's the ones who stay and work things out who we should keep in our lives.

 

 

Well, I am in the same boat as you. My ex and I had never been in a serious relationship outside of ours. He believed that we were not compatible and that love is all about proximity. We both had our faults, but he didn't think we were growing in our relationship and he choose to end it. I think, that if someone can't stick it out for the worst, then they don't deserve to be there for your best. I don't blame him anymore but I guess everyone has a breaking point, and maybe they just can't stick it out for the worst.

 

That's why I think love is a feeling but then a choice. You need to first feel it, but then you have to make a commitment. If there is no feeling, but just commitment, that's not the right kind of love anymore--it would be a hallow relationship. So when it's time to let go, let go. I'm starting to believe that if it's meant to be, it will be.