gluestick Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I've always thought love is something you develop and feel towards your partner after being with them for a while. The more you do for one another, the stronger that love grows. I came accross a post yesterday from a dumper's perspective that he didn't realize that love is a choice until he lost the love of his life. Now, this got me thinking...is love a feeling or a choice? Or both? I believe that if you really truly loved someone, that love never dies. You can't shut off love like a light switch. You just learn to live without that person. Now I've been thinking that when my ex broke up with me, it's because he chose to stop loving me by giving up on us. What do you guys think? Is love a choice or a feeling? Link to comment
quantumst8 Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I think real love is a choice/action. The feeling is just fluff. It's pretty nice fluff, granted, but the feeling itself is just something that happens as a result of doing the action. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Love is a feeling, not really a choice. Plenty of people do what most people would consider "loving actions" towards their partner but yet do not feel love for their partner. They fake their way through it. Then there are those people who don't treat their partner properly but do indeed love their partner and are completely heartbroken when the partner dumps them. All the "loving actions" in the world does not mean one feels love...or they love the person as a friend but no longer as a romantic partner. Romantic loving feelings towards someone (beyond infatuation) comes from deep within. It can't be forced into a person simply by doing loving actions. Either you feel it or you don't. Link to comment
endy Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Love is an action and how you treat the other in a relationship to me. Love is something we are all capable of, and it comes from within us. It's the divine energy inside of us that connects all of us together. To love is to notice that all suffer. You have understanding, insight, compassion and then love comes. you take care of your emotions properly when they come up. You do not react out of anger, or spite, but rather take care of it first. I believe to love anyone correctly you must first love yourself. There would be no pain and suffering if there was not love. a lot of people feel love only when they meet a new partner or "fall in love" That is not love to me, but the love inside of yourself being recognized and reflected off of another. It's always inside of you. Your goal is to feel that love first and foremost without another. Understand it, and then utilize it. I don't see many people that love themselves anymore. They talk down to each other and themself. They don't respect their bodies or have gotten completely out of touch with spirituality. They go day by day not taking time to rest. Overwork themselves or watch tv constantly to drown out any negative feelings. Part of love, and an important first step if you don't... is taking care of yourself. Link to comment
quantumst8 Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I'd like to add that I think there's a world of difference between love and romantic attraction. People often talk about being "in love" which I personally think has no relation to real love. It just means there's a strong romantic attraction. But that's my two cents. Link to comment
hazelnut321 Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 The answers to this post clearly show a difference in that way men and women think. Men are more pragmatic. Women "feel" more. Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 check this link link removed I think its very interesting Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 The answers to this post clearly show a difference in that way men and women think. Men are more pragmatic. Women "feel" more. It also has to do with what type of energy you are. Are you a feminine energy, a masculine energy or more balanced. That will have a lot to do with how you give and receive "love". Link to comment
endy Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 It also has to do with what type of energy you are. Are you a feminine energy, a masculine energy or more balanced. That will have a lot to do with how you give and receive "love". A man is masculine at core, woman feminine. Obviously most women are more emotional and when they are balanced by the right partner... Yeah a lot of the times they look at that as love in my experience. I think love is still a lot more than that, and it's damn near impossible to define. Most people do look at it as a feeling, and that being the in love feeling. That feeling comes and goes in a relationship. If people treat each other the right way, the energies of masculine and feminine polarize right for most of the time... both love themselves... That feeling can resurface from time to time. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Depends on your definition of "Love", there are all kinds of love. Each kind is part feelings but a larger part is choice/action. Link to comment
Jetta Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Love is a feeling, you don't choose who to love, love chooses you. People who are of different socioeconomic, racial, religious or otherwise fall for each other because of a spiritual connection, not because they want to be in love with someone completely different from them. Think about it. Love is a feeling the only choice in love is if you follow your heart or your head. Link to comment
gluestick Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Love is a feeling the only choice in love is if you follow your heart or your head. I agree with this statement. Love is a feeling that just happens, but choosing whether or not to act on that love is to either follow your heart or your head. I think women tend to be more emotional and thereby follow their hearts more, whereas men tend to think more logically and follow "mind over heart". Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I agree with this statement. Love is a feeling that just happens, but choosing whether or not to act on that love is to either follow your heart or your head. I think women tend to be more emotional and thereby follow their hearts more, whereas men tend to think more logically and follow "mind over heart". I disagree. There are lots of men who follow their heart over their mind..which is why just as many men go for the bad girls as women go for the bad boys. If men followed their minds over their heart, they wouldn't be running after the women who treat them like dirt. Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I followed my heart and well........her I am on here with all the other heartbroken people. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 How you feel is a choice. If you choose to nuture that choice, it will grow to the point where you no longer know how you ever could have felt any other way. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I disagree. There are lots of men who follow their heart over their mind..which is why just as many men go for the bad girls as women go for the bad boys. If men followed their minds over their heart, they wouldn't be running after the women who treat them like dirt. Men are running after the women who look like they give the best sex...or look the best undressed...that's following their mind through and through... Link to comment
thejigsup Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 To me, love is a verb. It's action that helps develop the feelings. That feeling that most people describe as love is not love at all and they are always hurt when the relationship only lasts a year or two. Real love grows. That "in love" feeling fades after awhile. THAT is the difference! Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I fell "in love" with my ex more and more every single day. I loved her 1000x more three yrs into our relationship than I did in the first year.( the honeymoon phase ) I was truly, madly,deeply in love with her the day I caught her with another guy. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Men are running after the women who look like they give the best sex...or look the best undressed...that's following their mind through and through... I guess it depends on the location of the mind...up above or down below! To me, love is a verb. It's action that helps develop the feelings. That feeling that most people describe as love is not love at all and they are always hurt when the relationship only lasts a year or two. Real love grows. That "in love" feeling fades after awhile. THAT is the difference! Yes...but you have lots of couples who do all the actions but don't develop the feelings of love. Lots of couples will do kind things for each other, be considerate, help each other when the other one is ill, have sex with the partner etc, but still only feel like they love their partner as a friend more than in a deep romantic partner type way. Yes, real love grows...but romantic love is part of real love and goes deeper than the infatuation love that people feel at the beginning of the relationship. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I guess it depends on the location of the mind...up above or down below! There is only one male mind. It's popular myth that the one down below has any cognitive capacity - one popularized because it neatly separates the undesireable pervert from the desireable Romeo. Hate to break it, but, they're one and the same. Link to comment
MK9 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 love is a choice and can be with feelings. you have feeling for a person and you chose to be with them or act upon it. or you can have no feeling but still act displaying love and care. feeling alone is not love if one does not act upon it. For instance, this girl once gave butterflies in my stomach when I don't even know her. I was thinking about her, but I never told her or act upon it. So there was no love or act of love, thus she is almost forgotten. Maybe I was attractive to her, but did not love her. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 My definition of love (in a person) is when you feel familiar and comfortable enough with someone that they become a regular part of your life and someone that you care above the others. That said I also think that a person can "love" many, many people at the same time. The love with a mate being perhaps equally as strong as the love for their family or even friends. You just love them for the different things they offer you and vice versa. Usually a mate is the closest only because they are the person you spend the most time with and perhaps are the most comfortable with. Otherwise it's entirely possible for someone to love a family member (such as a twin or parent) more if they are very very close to them. I call it "mental memory" as opposed to "muscle memory". It's usually the people you have the most "mental memory" with that you love the most. I know this post was probably a bit confusing to some but I'm tired and it's quite honestly difficult to put into words! To answer the OP's question: I believe love isn't a choice or a feeling. It's just familiarization. The people you connect with the most and are the most comfortable with are naturally going to be the ones you love the most. This is also why "love at first sight" simply does not exist to me. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 love is a choice and can be with feelings. you have feeling for a person and you chose to be with them or act upon it. or you can have no feeling but still act displaying love and care. feeling alone is not love if one does not act upon it. For instance, this girl once gave butterflies in my stomach when I don't even know her. I was thinking about her, but I never told her or act upon it. So there was no love or act of love, thus she is almost forgotten. Maybe I was attractive to her, but did not love her. What you are describing is simply infatuation..which a lot of people often mistake as love. Link to comment
gluestick Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 I fell "in love" with my ex more and more every single day. I loved her 1000x more three yrs into our relationship than I did in the first year.( the honeymoon phase ) I was truly, madly,deeply in love with her the day I caught her with another guy. I felt the same way with my ex of 4 years, except for the cheating part. Link to comment
gluestick Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 It's usually the people you have the most "mental memory" with that you love the most. The people you connect with the most and are the most comfortable with are naturally going to be the ones you love the most. This is also why "love at first sight" simply does not exist to me. If this is the case, then why so many long term relationships end? I read so many threads where relationships over 8+ years end or people who were engaged and ready for marriage break up because of GIGS or they simply fell out of love, etc. Link to comment
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