I'm jealous of the way my girlfriend dresses. What can I do?

[netman]

I've been with my girlfriend for a while now and she's everything I always wanted in a girl; loving, affectionate, very attractive, respectful, etc. Most importantly, she definitely proves to me everyday that her interest level is very high. Although our love seems very strong, I get these jealous impulses almost every day for no reason even though she had not given me any reason at all to feel that she can't be trusted.

 

I think that it may be some insecurity on my side that I think stemmed from a past relationship. I was engaged a few years back and very early on in that relationship my ex-cheated on me. I loved her so much that I stayed with her even though she did what she did, but I became extremely jealous and possessive with her after that. Everything bothered me from how she dressed to how she spoke and interacted with other guys; even my own friends. She did everything she could to try to convince me that she'd never cheat again, but the jealous feelings NEVER went away. After 4 years of that stress in my head, I finally had the courage to fight the love I felt for her and break up with her.

 

Back to my current issue, the biggest problem that I have in my head with my current girlfriend is the way she dresses. She is very, very pretty and has a very nice body, and now that the weather is becoming nicer and warmer, she's starting to wear her tight jeans and tight shirts which really accentuate her beautiful Coca-Cola figure, especially her back side and it's driving me a little crazy inside!!! It drives me nuts picturing guys staring, flirting, and gawking at her all day long. She even admits that guys flirt with her on a daily basis, though I do believe it in my heart that she doesn't reciprocate. It still kills me though.

 

It's scary because I'm feeling the same tenseness in my chest and the same pain I used to feel with my Ex, and I can't explain why. I hope that someone could help me or show me how I can get over these feelings that I have inside before the feelings in my head get worse. I don't want to screw this up since we're doing so well and we're already talking about having a future together.

 

What can I do to get these thoughts out of my head for good? Anybody out there ever go through the same thing? I'd love to hear guys and girls perspective on this. Thanks.

[-touch-of-heaven-]

netman,

 

You've got to keep in mind that however she dressed, and no matter how many guys stare - you're the one who it's for. It's to keep you interested and turned on, and after all, you're the guy who peels off those layers of clothes at day's end and snuggle up beside her. You, and none of those other guys out there.

 

Keep cool!

[RobzGr8]

Why are you jealous of the way your girl dresses? Aren't you with her because she is fine? You didn't have a problem with the way she dressed to catch YOU, now did you? You're not jealous...you are insecure...

You can't help it if she cheats...she'll do it anyway...regardless of how she dresses...so why drive yourself crazy over it? If you trust her fine...if not...fine too. She'll do what she wants when she wants and you have no say in it.

If you try to put her in check...guess what? She's gonna *beep* the first guy she meets and tell you all the XXX details just to prove my point!! Why do that to yourself? Just get over it.

[netman]

Thank you so much for your honest response. You're totatlly right. If I act jealous towards the way she dressess, she'll lose interest and I'll lose that fine girl of mine. I guess it is insecurity on my part.

 

I did have a little talk with her about it, and she definitely tried her best to reassure me that I'm the only one she thinks about and the only one she loves and wants to be with. She says she feels comfortable dressing that way (and it's true; she's dressed that way as long as I know her) and she doesn't do it to get attention because she'll get attention anyway. I guess I just have to calm down and just accept that my woman if fine and men are always going to flirt and gawk and look, and she's not going to pay mind to it. Well I hope anyway.

[netman]

Well, now that the weather is getting nicer and nicer, my girlfriend's dressing is getting more and more revealing. I think that I'm gettiing better at dealing with this issue, but I can't get thoughts out of my head telling me that she dresses this way for attention, which bothers me a lot. I've been good at holding my tongue about this topic with my g/f to avoid arguments, but it bothers me inside and I don't want to explode one day.

 

Yeah, like I've mentioned before I have some insecurity issues but I think it's beyond that; I'm dealing with my issues and I do trust her and stuff. Isn't a girl dressing this way opening up invitations for men to approach them more? How can I know for sure that she doesn't do it for the attention? Should I be worrying about this? I'd love to hear some women's point of views on this topic. Any body out there ever feel the same way as me?

[Dan78]

Hey,

 

It sounds that things are not looking up so well for you as of late. I read your message, and I feel and wonder the same thing as you do. Are girls really dressing the way they are in order to impress other guys? Believe me, you are not alone in this one. I don't know why girls do it, or maybe it is a girl thing, just do that they can feel good within themselves.

 

Anyhow, since we last replied to each other, myself and my g/f have become a little more intimate with each other, however, there are days when she won't see me, and she will go with her family places and not see me instead. I have been feeling very left out and jealous about this whole thing. Another situation that I have encountered as of late are panic attacks. That's right panic attacks!!! We have to watchout for ourselves and not worry at all, b/c I have been so stressed out lately that y body can not handle it anymore so I have been diagnoised with panic disorders.

 

Reading your other messages, you described chest pains and that too is an early sign of panic attacks. So relax and try not to think and jump to conclusions about your g/f.

 

I think we both have a pyscological problem. We suffer from some kind of panic disorder. I learned that when we panic we must tell our sub-conscious that nothing is going to happen b/c if we don't then we become aphopic to certain cases within a relationship and our daily lives. So fight the sub-cocious when it thinks your g/f is wearing certain clothes for attention. Our minds tend to wonder a lot, so remember seeing is believing, until then don't worry be happy. That is what I am trying to do within myself, and lately my panic attacks have eased down greatly.

 

Take Care.

[dajo4evr]

Tell her your feelings about the way she dresses. Q: Is she dressing appropriately and does she concider your feelings on the subject? Ask her. She will either take your concerns to heart or she will blow you off. The big question is...Is she dressed appropriately?

[pimpcess]

I think u should just be proud! This gorgeous lady with the coca cola figure is your gorgeous lady with the coca cola figure!

 

Do not let these feelins tear u up, she comes home 2 YOU, she loves YOU, shes with YOU! Keep talkin, u can get through this, tell her how u feel, but be proud that shes on your arm, dont let this jealousy get the better of u.

 

Good luck.

[secret_agent_man]

Hey, netman!

Thanks for the kind PM, I will definitely give you my input!

 

I have wondered this for a while myself. Why do they do it. But I guess you need to understand human nature. No one likes to feel like a slob in public. Personally, I don't think women, or your woman in particular, are really "shopping around", but they like to know that they still have their looks! You can't blame them for that.

 

I guess I look at it like when I go fishing. I hate the taste of fish and I stick to steak and chicken. Yet, that doesn't mean I cant enjoy catching a fish and throwing him back, just for the pleasure of knowing I accomplished it. Everyone likes when the fish bites the hook, even if they're gonna go home to their steak dinner anyway. Even a huge fish, the most I would do would be proud and hang it on the wall, I've still got no need to eat fish when I got my steak. (Ok, and maybe I'm weird for fishing when I don't eat fish, but I go all the time )

 

I know it sounds odd, but think about it. You're her steak and chicken, man. She's not doing this to replace you, she's just being human.

 

I know from being in your place that what probably concerns you the most is not what she's going for, but it's the other guys that you don't trust. Just realize that since you know that's not what she's after, she's not gonna change her mind unless that steak is tasting way too bad recently.

 

Get me? I know, I'm a little strange, but I like to step outside the box and really take different prespectives.

 

Hope this helps and I didn't just confuse you with my upside-down look at things.

 

S.A.M.

[Adulthood_Not_Quite_Ready]

Netman-

Hey, I have been in the same situation as you. I think that if you can get over it on your own,then good. But I also think that you could try some counseling. It is just a suggestion, but I think that it might help you get over or face your insecurities. You might be able to confront your insecurities and rid of them once and for all. It might do you good.

Sincerely,

Tashley Jade