Is it normal to think that every guy is a player and will hurt me

[Reflective]

It sounds typical. But. This is really debilitating for me.

I have this weird... belief that men will only hurt me.

 

Reasons, my two most prominent and meaningful relationships in a way "scarred" me. It's my belief that the moment I let my guard down, I get hurt. And that's exactly what happened. I really took both relationships seriously. To end up being used, abused, cheated on. Most of all, have someone i cared for, end his life. Ever since than I just could not be in relationships. I closed off emotionally, I really did. And its been... around 3 years. I rarely get involve with guys since than, I've been asked out quite a lot and have absolutely no interest. I became emotionally detached just

to avoid going back there again.

 

I met a sweet guy around december last year. It freaked me out with how froward he was with me. I got player vibes. I wasn't involved emotionally and he wondered why. He was letting me in and it freaked me out. I liked him but the fear of being vulnerable took over. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I did. It didn't last because the fear took over. I unintentionally refused to check in emotionally, he wanted to get physically intimate with me and sexually and it freaked me out as well. He apologized if he hurt me and wanted me to be comfortable before we did anything. He also mentioned marriage and wanting to get serious sometime down the line (he was 25 at the time and really serious with his career as a nurse and didn't want to date party girls which thankfully i was not) One night, the last night I seen him that year he tried to get intimate with me. I wouldn't let him, I avoided all ways to get close to him. That's when he said "You know, I am afraid of falling in love with you. I don't want to. But it's happening." I said "Why!?" he said "Befause I don't think you like me you are not into this as I am." I laid there in his bed and said nothing. I contemplated why I just couldnt open up, why i was behaving like a frigid b**** to him. Why he was letting me in and I always was silent and said nothing. That's when I said "I like you. As a friend." I think I hurt his feelings, because he disappeared for months and I was okay with it. Until he contacted me again. I told him to stay out of my life and never to contact me.

 

 

He contacts me a few days ago, asking me how I am and how I've been. I was confused because I recall telling him to never contact me again. He, asked

me out on a date, and proposed to take me out. I said no, and he continued to asked me out. He asked why i would not I informed him that I thought he was using me and whatnot, and that he did hurt

me during that time. He apologized and asked me to forgive him. He than said "Give me a chance. Cannee try this again, I want to make it work. I want to see you, please?" I mean.. I just don't know. I really hate that I have this fear of vulnerability, I generally think all men are users and will only hurt me. Time and time I've been proven this from my experience. It's so hard to go back to that place. I accepted his offer but feel like backing out now due to fear.

 

Should I tell him I don't want to go this date anymore and explain why? I just have a difficult time opening up again emotionally or being intimate with another being. Ive really closed off.

[Deeplydepressed]

I do think you should let him know you do not want to go on the date and explain to him that it has nothing to do with him, but you are going through some things at the moment and cannot date at this time. I went through a similar situation where I could not open emotionally to anyone I dated because of fear of being hurt again. I found seeing a therapist very helpful. I think that this just kind of happens to those of us who experience constant rejection and disappointment in relationships. It makes sense that one would become more catious or just emotionally unavailable after experiencing pain over and over again. Good luck and hopefully you'll be able to trust again at some point.

[CuriousShe]

You will only get what you think about the most. Not all guys are cheaters. Change your way of thinking and circumstances will line up with it.

[EgoJoe]

Look at the Getting Back Together, Healing From Divorce/Breakup etc. sections and you will see that not all of us guys are like that. We all get lost from time to time. Keep your head up and think positive. You will meet someone who will take your breath away!

[MakeItCount]

This does explain a lot of your threads. I don't think it's normal, but it is to be expected if you've been burned a lot. I think you have to work on yourself and your trust issues. Don't condemn one guy because of what other guys have done to you in the past. Don't try to rush it either. Be honest with the guy, explain your situation to him and hopefully he'll understand. It will take time, but you need to be proactive in this.

 

Good luck, and like egojoe said, not all of us are the devil