octour Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 My ex gf broke up with me not quite 2 months ago after being together for 3.5 years. We had a very good relationship. No fighting, name calling etc. We would have our little arguments like everybody but nothing that an apology couldn't make up for. Two weeks prior to her breaking up with me, she met somebody at a work function. She was in contact with him for the next two weeks and even hung out with him before she had the stones to say anything. When we met up for coffee she said, 'i need a break, we're okay, but i just need a break.' So I was thinking that she was going through a lot at the time and needed some time for herself. She was having trouble at work, her sister's divorce, she just got into a car accident. The following week we met up again and that is when she really told me the truth and gave me the line of 'i love you, i just not in love with you'. Terrific. I made the mistake of doing things with her afterwards mostly at her request. We had some really great times and a lot of fun. So I was hopeful that this was just a passing fancy and it was nothing we couldn't handle together. Boy was I wrong. She has been hanging with this guy ever since and drinking and partying almost every night since then too. Also her psoriasis has acted up to the point where it's the worst I have ever seen. It feels like she is using this 'just a friend' person to get over our breakup instead of standing on her own two feet. Basically, I let my stress and work affect our relationship. I was heavily overworked, burdened, and in worry that I was going to lose my business and suffer a tremendous financial loss. It got so bad, I had to sleep in my restaurant for almost a year because I couldn't afford a place to stay. I would think that she would have some kind of understanding as to how stressful this could make a person's life. It feels like my best friend totally betrayed me. But I do know that while we were together, she tried and tried. She just hit a wall and now refers to that wall as 'just a friend'. Believe me, he's more than just a friend. Now, she still texts me, wants to meet up, makes plans for us in the future etc. A few weeks ago I would have agreed but I am in the beginning phases of NC. Today is my 3rd day. It's really hard because I love her and want her back. BUT, I know that I need to make some professional changes in my life in order for me to give any relationship the the time and care it deserves. I am not doing this for her, I am doing this for me and I can't wait. My new job will cut my hours in half, pay me twice as much, as be a lot of fun. Bye Bye 80% of my stress. Is her relationship that she refers to as 'just a friend' a rebound? What should I do to give myself the best chances to getting her back? I know it sounds crazy, but I do blame myself for letting work come between her and I. I would do anything to make it up to her, but she is very resistant to listen to anything. Even though she still wants to remain friends and stay in contact with me. Do I have a chance? What should I do? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Heal thyself. Get on with all your great new plans, find things to do in your newly found spare time --- let her see the difference in you. I would not stay in contact at this point -- you don't have to ignore her, but turn down chances to get together --- and just get on with your life. This rebound will either run its course, or not. Not something you need to witness. Link to comment
mactownman Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 She is with someone else. She disrespected you and the relationship you had together. She was not there when you needed her. Continue no contact and move on with your life. Sounds like you have some exciting changes in the near future. Focus on your new life and what makes you happy. Contact with her will only hold you back and bring you pain. Link to comment
octour Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 Okay, this weekend we are both running in a race and I know that I will see her. What do I do then? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Act as though she is a friend, because she is. But you are not in a relationship with her anymore, so don't act like a boyfriend. I am sure you can run the race without being by her side. Really, just get on with your life. Link to comment
octour Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 And when she asks why I haven't responded to any of her texts? Tell her I have been so busy lately? What about telling her I don't want her as a friend and that I wish her well? Keep in mind, I really do want her back. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Tell her that right now, with her involved with someone else, it is too hard to be in contact with her. That you cherish what you shared, wish her well -- and are going to get on with your life --- new job, new this, new that. And smile and walk away. You cannot affect whether or not she will come back. But you can make yourself a more attractive partner by improving your life, and treating her decision with dignity and respect. Link to comment
octour Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 My main concern here is to make myself look as strong and attractive as possible. What is the best way? Link to comment
TriColors Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 My main concern here is to make myself look as strong and attractive as possible. What is the best way? You are letting her walk all over you. You need to stop letting her make plans with you when its convenient for her. Do you really want to be her fallback plan when she clearly has another guy? Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Okay, this weekend we are both running in a race and I know that I will see her. What do I do then? Run the opposite way. Link to comment
endy Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 My main concern here is to make myself look as strong and attractive as possible. What is the best way? The best way is to grow some balls and man up and not let her have her cake and eat it too. Why in the hell are you in contact with someone that left you for someone else? You value yourself that little? What you need to do is realize that you're all that you need. Believe it, know it and it will show to her. Do what mhowe said above. I would simply say, I don't owe you a friendship or even contact. Please do not contact me anymore as I need to move on from this relationship. Good luck in life. Then disappear from her life. What you need to do to look strong and attractive is get back and strong on your own two feet without her. The person you were before you met her. This usually takes 6 months to a year. Sometimes longer for other people. Value yourself way more than you do. Someone that value's themself and loves themself will not be a backburner, and they will simply not put up with being treated like that by another person. You OWE her NOTHING. I wouldn't even want that person back. Why should you be second best? That's what I would start working on, is valueing yourself more. Link to comment
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