Trust

[LonelyGirl]

Okay, I'll try to make this as short as possible! My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. We've had our hardships and appeared to have gotten through them. However, he still lies about little and some big things. I have a very hard time with this. Trust is hard to come by and I just don't trust him. He lies about trivial things (for example he says he doesn't smoke but I find a pack every now and then in his pockets) but sometimes he lies about bigger things. Last week he lied to me about him going out. I know for a fact that he did (long story but I've got proof) and he took out a good amount of cash for the outing. I asked him and he said no and that I was crazy. I asked him if he was interested in someone else and he said no. I don't understand why he lied and said he didn't go out. I had my suspicions when he went to work that morning dressed up more than usual. But let it pass because I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But when I found out he went out he still denied it and that was that. Why would he go out and lie about it if he wasn't up to something? This makes me feel like I am really crazy! I can't stand not trusting him and I don't want to worry about where he is or what he's up to all the time. I never used to be like this but he doesn't give me any reason to trust him.

[american dream]

Hi there,

Well first off I don't like the lying. Do you blow up at him a lot? Should he be afraid to tell you things? If not, then what he is doing is way out of line. Honesty and trust are the fundamentals of a relationship so even if he is doing things you don't like, he should be honest about them. I know I can't be with someone who is untrustworthy.

 

Sit him down, talk to him honestly and get it out. If you have proof like you say you do, allow him the chance to come out and tell you, then if he still lies, bring out your proof. Be vague about what proof you have though and see if he still lies. If he does, then it may be time to end the relationship. If he can not be honest until he knows exactly what you know then he can't be trusted. My ex was that way, and she was doing bad things behind my back.

 

But a word of warning: If you are going to go out and lay it all on the table, your proof had better be unshakeable. Don't go off of what people told you or something like that. Have solid proof.

 

Good luck to you!

[Zipp]

If you don't trust your boyfriend things will only get worse. If you guys can sit down and talk then you should try to work things out. If not everytime something seems out of the ordinary you will wonder what he's up to. Constant suspicion will drive you both crazy. Trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. I think you should trust your gut, it's usually right.

[OceanEyes]

Well, lying about smoking cigarettes is something I've done. I just didn't want him to be disappointed. I didn't do it to be deliberately dishonest, I just needed a smoke and didn't want him down my back about it. To be honest, I didn't think the decision was his. So in saying this, the cigarette thing shouldn't worry you too much. He probably just didn't want you to worry or get on him about it.

 

Now, the lying about going out. What is the solid proof that you have? I ask because I've suspected my boyfriend of lying about certain things, only to find out later that he really wasn't and that I was being paranoid. Sometimes we can work ourselves up too much and not believe that our partners are capable of doing right by us.

[TRY_9527]

Every Couple will face the problems, because they know too much of each other, but most of these things a bad things, like they smoking, liing to each other. In this period, the relationship of each couple is the most dangerous. So, If people want to keep their relationship, it is time to do something, or changing someting. Like you, first, you can try do not question him every times, because he may feel you do not trust him, you do not respeact him, and he would always lie to you, at least, the result I think you will know. Try to give him some time, and give youself some time. Do something you want to relax, then find some time and try to talk to him, remember, just talk, no argument.

I still not work, try to give up, I know is hard. So try to do every thing before choose this. Good Luck!

[LonelyGirl]

The proof is in the receipt I found for that night (from the place he went to).

 

I have gotten upset with him before when he's gone out but those times were also suspicious. Like one time he went to the same place for a good 7 hours and he said he was by himself. It seemed weird to me!

 

ALSO...In the past when confronted with proof and the truth he still tried to lie and deny. So what am I to do?! Sitting down and talking about it will only result in the same thing.