Sometimes, I find things to be a little weird....

[im_the_undead]

So... my ex bf, or bf.. (what ever works) and his family creep me out sometimes.

Back when he used to talk to his female cousins (who were my friends, once upon a time... before they got psycho jealous of my relationship)

They'd always sit on his lap... even with me being right there next to him. They'd also kiss up on him..

I recall one of the cousins taking a picture of her kissing him on the cheek and he put it up on his Myspace as a profile picture.

That's when we were first starting to date. I remember it particularly bothering me because all the comments were congratulating the cute and seeminly happy couple. Literally, I was like what the F#$@!$knjkjdsksajd!?! The girls would also call MY phone to look for HIM, whether I was with him or not, and would invite him out to clubs/parties... but they wouldn't invite me. One of them especially took more of an interest in him hanging out with her than the other. She'd come up to him while he and I were together, start a conversation about partying, or whatever, and completely ignore my existence. If I ever had pictures up on my profile, she'd only ever comment on the ones with him.. or OF him. This being that the girl was my friend before anything. If i ever called the house, one of them would answer the phone, cuss me out, and hang up. Ugh it was all just soooooooo disgusting to me. Especially the whole lap thing..... I have never in my life sat on a brother/cousin/uncle/friend... only a boyfriend. Being over the age of 12 and doing that just seems inappropriate. When I pointed these things out to him after we all stopped talking, in his defense, he claimed "they were the only example of a cousin I ever had. I didn't know that stuff was weird." To me, that's dumb, but what ever I let it go.

 

Now recently.. my bf (or whatever)

was eager to show me a picture of his sister's new baby.

he bragged about the kid being beautiful, and I was actually quite excited to see the new baby.

He pulls out his phone... and the first picture is a serious close up of his sister nursing the infant, nipple and everything

in plain sight. So i'm like O.o .......... uhm................................................. I can't really see the baby since pretty much all I can is

is... well you know. I literally felt REALLY creeped out, idk how normal that is for people.. but even me, being a woman, knew to give privacy to my nursing sisters. Actually, they've even told me they prefer their privacy. I guess walking into a nursing mother is one thing.. but to take pictures of it I found creepy. I can't shake the grossed out feeling I have.... Idk how to bring this up with him without offending him..

[annony]

In my neck of the woods, public nursing is common, and encouraged. I wouldn't think anything of it.

[im_the_undead]

What do you want me to say, that she has a large areola? Idk how, but her nipple was showing.

I'm not against public nursing, either. I'm just.......... not comfortable with my bf having pictures of it on his phone and showing people. If it's a man's gf/wife or something, I'd definitely understand then, no questions asked... but a sister

i mean witnessing it is one thing, the child is hungry and you just happen to be there.. it's nature, can't help that..

but taking pics on your cellphone to show your gf and buddies....I honestly didn't need to see that.

 

I mean, I really feel bad, you know? I know it's normal in third world countries and bus/train transportation...

But I can't help it.. I can't shake off that creeped out feeling

[somethngwrng]

My sister has breastfed in front of me. I wasn't really comfortable with it, I didn't know where to look. I sure as hell wouldn't take a photo of it. The whole cousin thing does sound really weird. But I guess it's just how his family works... they don't find it out of the ordinary.

[redhood]

u r having sex,he is taking on u dates, and ur worried about his sis breast....since everything was handed down to u,u need something to complain about...smh

[im_the_undead]

u r having sex,he is taking on u dates, and ur worried about his sis breast....since everything was handed down to u,u need something to complain about...smh

 

really? wow. it's not even about that. if i didn't feel awkward, i wouldn't feel awkward and that would be that, but i wasn't raised to be out in the open like that. so i do feel a little weirded out. And Idk what made you talk about my sex life, as if that had anything to do with anything.

[FathomFear]

I'm not sure why you're worrying about this unless you believe his sister would actually have a problem with it? I think you're making the mistake of trying to make the picture sexual, which it isn't. Heck, my sister even has breast feeding pictures posted on Facebook.

[fiasco128]

I understand what you have both said.

[im_the_undead]

My sister has breastfed in front of me. I wasn't really comfortable with it, I didn't know where to look. I sure as hell wouldn't take a photo of it. The whole cousin thing does sound really weird. But I guess it's just how his family works... they don't find it out of the ordinary.

 

The whole cousin thing was just creepy. Everyone at church would come up to me and ask my why i was messing with So&So's

(THE COUSINS) boyfriend.

 

 

&That's how I feel. My brother has also literally told his wife to "cover up" when she's breastfed... He feels it's private. If I breastfed in front of him, he'd be like... "Okay, I should leave now." Or "Please cover up" if I'm in public.

[im_the_undead]

I'm not sure why you're worrying about this unless you believe his sister would actually have a problem with it? I think you're making the mistake of trying to make the picture sexual, which it isn't. Heck, my sister even has breast feeding pictures posted on Facebook.

 

No, not sexual. I just feel that he has no understanding of when things are inappropriate. I mean, he by now knows I've had to deal with a lot of things that make me uncomfortable... and I happen to feel a bad that this is one of them... but I simply can't shake the feeling. Like what's next? What else is he going to feel comfortable doing................ giving his mom the phone while she's in the shower? Since everything is normal these days..

[im_the_undead]

lol uhhh i'm not clicking that. i don't even want to know.

i don't understand why i'm supposed to just accept and be a-o-kay things that make me feel uncomfortable

[FathomFear]

That's how I feel. And my brother has literally told his wife to "cover up" when she's breastfed... He says it's private. If I breastfed in front of him, he'd be like... "Okay, I should leave now."

 

He "told" his wife to cover up? Wow--if I were her I would have politely reminded him that I had jurisdiction over my own body.

[FathomFear]

lol uhhh i'm not clicking that. i don't even want to know.

i don't understand why i'm supposed to just accept and be a-o-kay things that make me feel uncomfortable

 

The 20/20 segment uses actors to guage how random public would respond in different situations. Everything from racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. In the clip the baby is just a doll, but the other people in the restaurant don't know that.

 

In any case, it's perfectly within your right to find it repulsive or "private". The point is that this is not a view everyone holds, so don't be shocked if other women in your inner circle don't act as if you would. Many women are not phased by breastfeeding in public. It's just not an issue for many.

[im_the_undead]

I understand that, but I'm not talking about people. I could care less about what my friends would do, I'd simply give them privacy out of respect, the way I'd like to be given.

But this is my boyfriend of so and so years, I don't mind him having witnessed nature in action, but i do mind him having pictures in his cellphone of a close up where there's a clear view of a little too much. All I want to do is have him understand that I don't think it's appropriate, without offending his traditions, or what ever that would be. As a woman I can see another woman's breasts and not think anything sexual of it, that being said, i still don't feel comfortable seeing my in-law's nipples. That's a bit intimate

[plattapus]

I'd say the sister and her boob part is normal enough--probably the only reason it bleeps the radar is the weird cousins.

 

I've sit on male friend's laps, and (fairly) non-flirtingly. Only once when one had a (present) girlfriend, and only because she and I goof around all the time and she knew I wasn't flirting with him. (She "offered him" to me rather than give me her spot and sit on him herself.) Anyway, you basically have to figure out if the ex-friend cousins are flirting with him because of actual interest in him, or are they just doing it to get into your head.

[im_the_undead]

Maybe the whole sketchy, creepy, cousin thing does play a part in why i think this is just plain odd.

and i know for sure one of the cousins had an almost obsessive relationship with my bf.

she tried breaking us up for years.... threatened and harassed me, called me a * * * * and all that good stuff.

she'd even send him lovey dovey texts about loving him and missing her little cousin and begged him not to forget her or her sister.

lol

[FathomFear]

I'm not sure what value there is in trying to force the issue with him. If you don't like the pictures then don't look at them. If you're legitimately concerned that his sister wouldn't approve of the images, maybe suggest to him that he clear it with her prior to showing the picture to more people. Beyond that it's really not your business or something that really affects you.

[im_the_undead]

It became my business when he showed them to me.

It affects me because it made me feel out of place and uncomfortable.

This also isn't a little boyfriend I've been dating for two weeks who I have no say in...

the man is basically my husband, I have a concern, and need advice on how to kindly

tell him I don't like it... without saying what I really think... which is "Babe..you're a guy. What the crap?"

[tinkerbellkj]

I'm not sure what value there is in trying to force the issue with him. If you don't like the pictures then don't look at them. If you're legitimately concerned that his sister wouldn't approve of the images, maybe suggest to him that he clear it with her prior to showing the picture to more people. Beyond that it's really not your business or something that really affects you.

 

I agree with this. I'd be far more concerned with the prospect that his sister would be uncomfortable, however, given the the way you describe the family and their openness, I don't think that would be the case.

 

You say he is not a 'little boyfriend' and 'basically your husband' yet you cannot distinguish (given your first post) if he is indeed your boyfriend or your ex-boyfriend, for me, that would be my first concern.

[FathomFear]

tell him I don't like it... without saying what I really think... which is "Babe..you're a guy. What the crap?"

 

This is his sister. I still think you're viewing these pics sexually, IMO, and that's really one of the underlying issues. Keep in mind that when he showed you the pictured he was bragging about the baby and saying how beautiful she was. You're the one fixated on the fact that the picture has some mommy nipple. It didn't sound like it was on his radar at all.

 

All that matters here is whether or not his sister approves of the images. If she's okay with them and doesn't care that others see them, then that's that. If the images make you uncomfortable then just don't look at them again. I really don't see where the dilemma is here.

[im_the_undead]

i talked to him about it.

fortunately, he agreed with me and said he felt the same way.

i was quite surprised, to be honest. but it was a pleasant surprise, nonetheless.

I'm most excited that he didn't get offended and we had a quick, normal conversation.

he also told me he didn't take the picture, which brought me a sigh of relief, and he had erased it before i even mentioned anything.

thank goodness we see eye to eye on something. wish i wouldn't have hesitated in discussing this with him rather than trying to make random people understand my level of discomfort.

all is well, we are very content