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women's advice please- problems with sex at the beginning of relationship


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This is a little embarrassing.


The first time I'm in bed with a new woman, I lose my erection. It's completely psychological; I'm generally a very highly sexed individual and after I get comfortable with a woman there are far from any problems - like a rock lol!. The problem stems from the first time I tried to have sex, at 17. We were both very drunk and it didn't work. The second time (about a month later, same girl), it didn't work either because I was HOPING it wouldn't go the same way as last time.


I've had one girlfriend since and there were problems at first, but she was very understanding - after the second time it was no longer an issue. I'm sure it's all about feeling comfortable and knowing it doesn't matter if it does happen.


I'm single again, and while I'm generally very confident in myself and attract women fairly naturally - I'm nervous about when it comes to sex. It feels like I need to become close and comfortable with a woman emotionally before we get to the bedroom - I know, I probably sound stupid! I'm nervous that if it happens with a woman, she'll feel insulted or angry at me. If a woman did get this way (after me explaining it isn't her, she's sexy as hell and i just need to feel comfortable because of xyz), I know she isn't the kind of woman I'd want to be with anyway - but it would still be annoying!!!


How would you, as a woman feel/ react, if a man was delaying having sex with you until he felt more comfortable around you? How would you feel/ react if he lost his erection the first few times while being with you but explained the situation?


Any advice really appreciated. Thank you.

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I think as long as you explained the situation when the time came, and your girlfriend is as understanding as she should be, you might find it may become a non-issue, because your mutual understanding of the situation will lessen the stress that causes your psychological disfunction.

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I totally understand where you are coming from. I was in a very similar situation after getting out of a 6 year LTR where I tried to have sex with another women 5 months after I had been broken up. I had an erection before we proceeded to have sex but once I put my condom on I totally lost it. As this has NEVER happened to me before I felt extremely embarrassed, but what can you do? It probably didn't help that I was drinking beer at a tailgate earlier in the day. I also find having a close emotional relationship with a women always seems to cure this issue for me. It's all about feeling comfortable with someone.

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This actually happened to me recently with a guy I've been seeing.. and honestly? I thought it was really cute. He was just like, I'm really sorry, but nerves... and my first thought was that it was really sweet that he was so nervous for everything to go right that he lost it. I took it in a very positive way that he actually cared enough to want both of us to be comfortable, and OK with the situation, and everything to go well. The next time around he was perfectly fine, and he even laughed it off no problem ("I've always been more of a morning person" - smirk lol). The point is, unless you're going for a one-night stand, you'll be fine - and comfort comes with time. So, I wouldn't worry about it at all.

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