stevef20 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Hi all, It's been 9 months now since I was dumped and to say its been a rough ride would be an understatement. I've been through the wondering how ill get through the day stage and having the suicidal thoughts and come out the other side somehow The last 2 weeks though have been hell, I find myself in a very low place again wishing something I never thought I would. I'm calm now and my thoughts are considered, I realise that she really was the one, my true love and my soulmate, the woman I want to be mine forever but will never have. I cannot explain to you all how I feel right at this moment in time but I wish for death, I have no desire to commit suicide or harm myself in any way but I do find myself looking to the skies asking for the pain to end and for ne to be allowed entire sleep now, forever. I want this so much now, I sob as I write this and wish all of you a swift recovery from what is the most painful thing you will ever go through, I just want to leave the world now though. Steve Link to comment
wartorn Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 That is rough. I'm sorry for your pain. Your definition of The One needs to be re-evaluated. She might've been The One on paper, in terms of attributes, behavior and personality and so on, but if she leaves you high and dry, for whatever reason, and doesn't want to stay with you, then she wasn't The One at all. You can't control others' behaviors, and you can't go in the past (only learn from your own), so you need to accept that fact. And learn what you can, in a self-compassionate way, from your mistakes here with the False One. On the more optimistic side, The One is still out there, ready and waiting, possibly hiding someplace, but you'll never find her while you're stuck depressed thinking about this other False One. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Breakups are hard, especially if you believe you have found and lost a 'soulmate'. However, I don't believe there is only one person in the world that is meant for you! As painful as it is - she chose not to be with you. That already doesn't make her the right one for you. You need to let go of the idea that she is the only one and will for ever be the only one. Yes, currently you can't imagine loving someone else, but don't cut yourself off from the possibility of love finding you again. You are not alone. You have your children. That right there is a lot of unconditional love coming your way. Of course it's a different kind of love, but it's love nevertheless. Stay strong and take it one day at a time. Link to comment
xStitches Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I can understand your pain. I've been pretending I'm okay for everyone, but I keep hoping for an accident that will put me out of my misery. I'm in such intense physical pain. I have constant nightmares. I can't eat at all. Maybe we'll meet someone else that will never hurt us again. That is the thought I hang onto. I hope you can hang on to it too. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 Thanks Penelope, This all feels different now though, I just want to move on and leave this existence behind. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 Thanks guys, War I get what you're saying and I wasn't her one, she does however hold my heart which is a pity. X, I feel your pain and wish I could say something to help, sadly though as I wish for my own demise I am not the person to listen to Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 It is tough.....I am sorry that you are where you are. Know that it is a necessary evil to healing. While you feel the way you do about her and the relationship that was lost right now, over time, you may learn and realize differently. Not asking you to accept that. Just asking you to keep an open mind about it. Have you considered counseling at all? Sometimes it helps just to have someone that you can unload on and who you pay not to get bothered to bend their ear week after week about the same subject. Helps you to not wear out your friendships and have a place to vent and hurt in a safe place. They can also help to start guiding and steering you in a direction away from the tide pool that you are swirling in.....when you are ready. Stay strong......keep the focus forward. You will get there. It just takes time and no one can tell you how long. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 thanks learning, I've done the counselling thing and it helped me for sure. I'm in a different place now though, I feel strange, feels like my time to go, my time to be at peace. I know noone will understand this because I don't. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 thanks learning, I've done the counselling thing and it helped me for sure. I'm in a different place now though, I feel strange, feels like my time to go, my time to be at peace. I know noone will understand this because I don't. Actually, it makes perfect sense. Truly. There are days where I get so pissed and frustrated with myself because I want to realize the acceptance 150% and get on with it already. And then I stop myself, allow myself the kindness I deserve from myself first and foremost and then the patience (which I have never been good at - drew the short straw on that attribute). Time, time, and more time........ Link to comment
stevef20 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 It's a very strange place to be, almost feels like I'm stuck between life the next place. I've never felt this before. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 It's a very strange place to be, almost feels like I'm stuck between life the next place. I've never felt this before. I am with you there..... I have to believe that this what the end of the process feels like......before we get better, for real. I hope so anyways...... I told a friend of mine that I hope these past two years (breakup, losing my job, panic attack, etc....) is my mid-life crisis. I told her that if I still have that to go through....it just might take me out! LOL. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 I wish you well learning, sounds like you've been to hell and back. My time I hope is up though. X Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Steve, one day you will be with someone who loves you the same way that you love her. There is nothing like recepicated love... Link to comment
stevef20 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 I wish you well learning, sounds like you've been to hell and back. My time I hope is up though. X Link to comment
doyathink Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I know exactly where you are. Ive been 'here' for the last 6 months. Maybe bc I believe the other side is better. Link to comment
Aloneagain10 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Hi Steve, i readed your post and can relate to it. trought my life I had those same feelings, after the dead of my father for example, or after one girlfriend left me, but is part of life. Then someone new would come, or a new project would arrive and life got meaning again. I think the key to feeling good about ourselfs is to find a purpose in life. Sooner or later something is gonna go wrong but you can focus on other things. Hang in there, this feeling will pass too. I had a recent BU and feel the same, I understand how U feel, be patient good things will come, thats what keeps me going Link to comment
lonelylittle1 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I agree with the others. Take it one day at a time and focus on other things. You might not have that person, but who's to say that you don't have anything (or anyone) at all? Think of it as an opportunity to know and appreciate yourself. Because when people leave you, by choice or not, that's all who you will truly have: yourself. Link to comment
stevef20 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Thanks for all of your comments guys, it doesn't change how I feel but its nice to know there are nice people in the world. Link to comment
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