90_hour_sleep Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 yah...well. realizing i've never posted in this part of the forum. probably because...i don't really date. funny realization for me. not something i've really thought about in the past. but it's true. i'm one of those people who just kind of meets someone...spends completely informal time together...and then very informally steps into a relationship. it doesn't feel at all like conventional dating. maybe i'm wrong. maybe what it really is, is that i've never been the one that takes the plunge. i'll go to the very edge...but i'll never put myself in that position to be rejected (and that's a topic that's probably worth a bit of discussion...some other time). i'm not sure it's even about rejection though. it's something different. i was thinking about it today...and it seems i think more about what will happen if a girl says 'yes' than i do about what will happen if she says 'no'. i'm starting to realize it's not really to do with rejection at all (but then...maybe i'm trying to avoid future rejection? does that make any sense? sounds nuts to me actually). anyway...i'll go out of my way to convince myself that something doesn't add up. i'm actually really good at it!! woo...practice makes perfect. yep...self-sabotaging. every relationship i've ever been in...it was ALWAYS up to the woman to make it sort of 'official'. can't help but wonder about all the opportunities that i've neglected. in the past month...there have been at least three women that were very definitely showing interest in me. and while i was receptive...i didn't go out of my way to take it further. and they were doing the hard part!! ugh. it's a bit ridiculous. a little change in attitude...and i think i could really get into the whole 'dating' world. so...what's stopping me? haven't figured that out yet. thinking it has something to do with taking the benefits of getting to know someone out of the picture...and focussing more on why it could never go anywhere. which is nuts...because i don't even really know these woman. so many assumptions. so much reading into things that may or may not be there. a lot of just LIVING IN MY HEAD. time for a change... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 If they continued to approach you and get to know you, would you be receptive? Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 yep. i'd say that's fairly accurate, ms D. don't get me wrong...i'm receptive even with relative strangers...but there's a part of me that feels like i should just man up...take a chance every once in awhile. i really avoid that scenario. and i'm a bit tired of being that way. i seem to meet people fairly consistently...and i just think that i could be exploring the options a bit more thoroughly. you know? sure...sometimes things play out a certain way...and there are good reasons for that. but...there are just so many missed opportunities. i think i've been exploring the idea of seriously dating. of actually making it a conscious thing. making a point of meeting all kinds of different people. having fun with it. so...i guess 'serious' is the wrong word. 'conscious' is more accurate. if that makes any sense. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Hamlet, all I can say is break out of this analysis paralysis and make the decision to go on at least three dates this month. Make them fun and enjoy the companionship. It's gonna get lonely in your head eventually. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 Hamlet, all I can say is break out of this analysis paralysis and make the decision to go on at least three dates this month. Make them fun and enjoy the companionship. It's gonna get lonely in your head eventually. i should've picked last month!! no...seriously. you're so right. it does get lonely in the head. there's something to be said for having fun. that's something i'm just learning how to do again. it's been a long time coming. thanks for telling it like it is. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I know you can do it! I am seeing a guy who lives in his head ... he's there so much he's got an apartment complex and he rents out the extra rooms. When you get so reflective about love and relationships, it can be easy to sit back and think about other people's situations versus just living out your own. I would advise you to do two things. 1) Commend the women who have approached you in your mind. Thank them for reminding you of what you have to offer. 2) Get out there and do stuf that you like. Have fun. Dating is the great 'adult play date' opportunity and hopefully it gets you laughing. Good luck, I know you can do it. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 apartment complex! are there cats in his apartment? lol...i like that analogy. it's a good one. this is really encouraging, Ms Darcy. glad you've shared your perspective on things. it's really about stepping out of that box i've put myself in. because you're right. these women have seen something in me. a bit of gratitude for that is in order. some recognition...for them...and for myself too. some added incentive to actually take the initiative. less think...more do... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 No problem, just let us know how it goes! Link to comment
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