Was I too harsh?

[kauaiangirl83]

my former best friend and I are no longer friends. We were roomates for one year in college and we hit it off great. We hung out 24/7 and we had so much fun. We got to be so close that I considered her my sister vice versa. She was there for me a lot when my grandpa passed away and when I was having trouble with my bf.

 

After I left that college and came home we had to talk on the phone or email and we didn't get to talk nearly as much as we would like to. Our conversations started to only be about her and when I would try to tell her what was going on in my life, she wouldn't listen.

 

On top of that, she always gave me bad advice about my bf (this girl has never dated anyone, but she wanted to give me advice). She said horrible things like my bf is just making an excuse to break up with me. Everytime we talked she wanted me to break up wtih him even though she knows that i truly love him so much...

 

she would not stop calling my house. She just would call way too much all the time and super early (there's a big time difference between hawaii and michigan and she always forgot about that). At first i'd have someone else answer the phone and tell her that i wasn't home. But then I answered the phone and told her to not ever call me again. I've changed my email and cell phone number to avoid her because I just think that she's being rude.

 

My question is i don't know if i was too harsh on her. I've tried telling her before that she needs to listen to me, but she wouldnt'. She would have no problem running up my cell phone bills with her phone calls that were about nothing important. I guess i just feel bad... IF anyone could help, that would be awesome! thanks

[daredevil]

U was harsh... did u tell her how much u loved him, and that u would not listen to anything about breaking up.. or did u just let her talk... I think u need to take another look on the situation..

[Francis]

It seems your girlfriend is a bit egocentric and it is a bit unfortunate that you were not capable to let her know your feelings with respect to her topic of conversation, to her calling very early. She does not seem like a very considerate person, but she was still calling you long distance!

 

You should write to her and let her know how you feel and at least provide an explanation to her. Then she will have the chance to improve her behaviour.

 

With respect to the bad advice, though, you should be very careful. You must determine whether she gave you bad advice with good faith or whether she did so because she envied you. If she gave you bad advice in bad faith, then you should certainly distance yourself from her. I personally don't stay in contact with people who give me bad advice or who debase me during conversations, or who belittle me. It is just really bad for your self-esteem.

 

Hope this helped. Take care!

[Ated]

Hey, not trying to put you down, but i do think you were harsh. I mean, you were like sisters as you said, and she probably never had anyone so close to her... And i am sure that it breaks her heart to hear you say the things you are saying. And the fact that u just changed ur number and email to avoid her emphasised that.

 

Lady, i know you love ur man. BUT as the saying goes, 'boys/girl (friends) come and go, but true friends don't... I think she just wanted u to break up with ur bf because ur spending less time with her...

 

I am not sure, but i do agree with what others have posted and that is to write her a letter. Don't break a frienship cos of that... I don't believe its worth it.

 

 

WEll keep us updated!

[Celadon]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation. It really is awful to lose a close friend.

 

I agree you are/were in a very tough place. I've been on both sides, having gone through some rough emotional stuff and needing to talk with someone who really understood me. But also having been treated pretty rudely by a friend who was going through a divorce and took out her anger on me. I had to end that friendship because she was accusing me of things I never did.

 

Whether you were too harsh depends on how much you tried to get through to your friend that she was calling too often and too early, and that she was not allowing you to talk. If you only mentioned those things once or too politely, she genuinely might not have gotten it.

 

She does sound rather self-absorbed though, or like she's really needy. Sometimes, all people can see is their own need, because it hurts so much.

 

I agree you should try to give this friendship one last chance to heal. Write the letter, tell her how you feel and what you want. Apologize if you feel that's appropriate (apologizing does wonders to healing friendships, too). You may never get back to that closeness you once had, but good friendships are worth holding on to.

[kauaiangirl83]

Thanks so much for all the feedback. She was very aware that I love my boyfriend very much and that we are planning on getting married within 2 or 3 years. I've talked to a mutual friend of me and this girls' and she said that she thought that Jody was just jealous of Sterling (my bf).

 

I understand that she needed her time with me or whatever, but seriously, I don't think that she should have been giving me bad advice just to hurt me.

 

I have tried to tell her time and time again to respect the time difference because there are other people living in this house that are sleeping when she calls.

 

As for the letter idea, I think that's a good way of possibly getting my feelings out. Thanks for the good tips. If anyone else has any suggestions, please let me know...

 

Thanks a lot!