Having that gut instinct & the ex making contact?

[donpeel83]

Hi guys,

 

Random question which has been racing through my mind today and that i've wanted to post. Have any of you had that familiar hunch/gut feeling that an ex who left you and went onto pastures new (not necessarily to pastures greener) would one day (maybe months or years later) reach out and contact you (either because they realised you werent a bad person/the relationship wasnt bad/they might miss you/enter any other generic reason for the gut instinct) and then low and behold, eventually, had that premonition come true and the ex made contact?

 

If so, just curious as to what happened, what were your thoughts and emotions like etc??

 

 

Thanks guys

 

xAx

[Batya33]

For me it was exactly the opposite -I was positive that we'd never be in contact again other than the occasional mostly impersonal email to catch up and/or if something happened to a mutual friend. Nothing prepared me for meeting up for a friendly catch up dinner 7 years later (we met up once before after about 5 years) and feeling incredible sparks. One month later we were back together and have now been married a few years.

[beacon]

^^^ wow...!

[lapse]

Well, sort of. I always know it's coming when I don't want to hear from the anymore.

 

Last ex - unfortunately I thought I was "safe" and wanted to offer comfort. Took him a couple of months, but eventually I gave him another shot. It was *not* a good idea!

[Yang]

My last ex did reach out. We tried to reconcile and work things out, but then I realized that we are going down that exact same path that broke us up. I left again and I stopped answering his calls, texts, and FB messages. A month into, he had someone else in his bed (the bed I shared with him for almost two years) and they are now so in love. They're still in the honeymoon stage. Let's wait until that ends and the new gf finds out about his past and his financial issues then she'll really think twice.

[hausser]

My ex reached out after 30 days NC after I saw her on a night out, I kind of had a feeling she would be in touch at some point. The thing that freaked me out wasn't that she got in touch, it was that she had the self-discipline not to beforehand as she said she had a business card of mine in her purse all that time. I knew then that this was not the same person I had known and loved and there was obviously an external influence i.e. a new man on the scene. And I was right lol.

 

Also, my ex broke NC not to recon, purely as a friend.

[donpeel83]

For me it was exactly the opposite -I was positive that we'd never be in contact again other than the occasional mostly impersonal email to catch up and/or if something happened to a mutual friend. Nothing prepared me for meeting up for a friendly catch up dinner 7 years later (we met up once before after about 5 years) and feeling incredible sparks. One month later we were back together and have now been married a few years.

 

That is quite intense!! I take it during your time apart did you see other people??

[mat347]

Not really contact but I get a feeling that I am going to see her driving or at a store and it always happens. Happened again yesterday actually.

[1guygirl]

lol don...this gut feeling thing hmmm yeah.

 

last week, for some reason i used his small expresso cup to grab a drink of raw milk to take edge off a tab. i sit down, pull up an email that had jus been sent...it was a reading about my ex. and my mobiles flashing, so i look at number cos it had no name...it was my ex back from seven days of NC i requested

 

oh syncs dont ya jus love em

 

as for a hunch as to whether he will contact (again)...i do have a hunch, i def get feeling he wants to contact but maybe wont after my second request of NC, but also a maybe that he will....lol

 

either way, im not tucking into crumbs...theres gotta be a rump steak and chips on the menu before i respond

[1guygirl]

DON lol....ex jus text...eeesh

 

sorry jus laughing abit at the timing lol...

 

he simply said "Got me tshirt thank you x"

 

now i sent that tshirt back TWO WEEKS AGO by first class post...and hes only jus got it??....boy am i gunna have to complain to Royal Mail...£1.92 that bugger cost me

[donpeel83]

Well 1GG just be careful that he isnt throwing you breadcrumbs because he wants you to dangle there waiting for him. Keep on being the strong cookie I know you are and keep trying to move forward.

 

Going back to my original question about the hunch, I want to focus on what Batya mentioned about with a considerable amount of time had passed if I may, not so much on the fresher incidents. Has anyone encoutnered the hunch that the ex might contact in a several year period and then low and behold....it happened? etc

 

Thanks. xAx

[1guygirl]

Well 1GG just be careful that he isnt throwing you breadcrumbs because he wants you to dangle there waiting for him. Keep on being the strong cookie I know you are and keep trying to move forward.

 

lol don...ayes....

 

but im jus bit hmmmmm because he would have received that tshirt at least 10 days ago, so lame, and if its as you say, pretty selfish again. but if its his attempts at reaching out onto something else im gunna have to do my 3 strike theory...basically reminding him that 1 contact) cant be friends, 2 contact) cant be friends and not to contact unless he wants to work things out. 3 contact) ignore until he specifically says he wants to work it out....hes just used one of his contacts

[donpeel83]

HUn, he is basically thinking of way to instigate contact. Its an old old trick. My ex did when she called me to ask how an interview went (back in APril) and then quickly let her true reason be known when she was asking who these different girls were on my facebook, and she had dumped me 3 weeks previously.

 

Seriously hun, dont contact him. Dont remind him. All that shows is that you still have lingering feelings and hope for him. If you love someone enough you will move a mountain. Let him move a few first hun instead of you "reminding him" about NC.

[1guygirl]

HUn, he is basically thinking of way to instigate contact. Its an old old trick. My ex did when she called me to ask how an interview went (back in APril) and then quickly let her true reason be known when she was asking who these different girls were on my facebook, and she had dumped me 3 weeks previously.

 

Seriously hun, dont contact him. Dont remind him. All that shows is that you still have lingering feelings and hope for him. If you love someone enough you will move a mountain. Let him move a few first hun instead of you "reminding him" about NC.

 

thanks fo that...youre so right, think i just needed to hear it direct to me on the forum...seems to sink in better that way ;

 

[Batya33]

That is quite intense!! I take it during your time apart did you see other people??

 

Yes, we were both seriously involved with other people (but never married).

[donpeel83]

Yes, we were both seriously involved with other people (but never married).

 

See im viewing this from two mind sets in my situation.

 

- As my ex, who i admit, i still care about, has returned to a guy who screwed her over when she 18 (now 30) and he was about 21/22 at the time, part of me wonders if she is following your pah in that she had heavy relationships in the last 12 months, one night stands, FWB's etc and now shes found the "one".

- The other part of me I guees hopes that one day our paths accross again and that her and I might be destined to venture off else where with our lives type of thing before maybe one day reconnecting.

 

I guess ultimatley for me I need to stop focussing on the dynamics of the ex partners relationship and allow nature to have its wicked way with that in time. It is very interesting hearing your story though Batya. Quick question, did you ever hope subconciously maybe that the two of you might have rekindled at one point when you were seperated? x

[donpeel83]

thanks fo that...youre so right, think i just needed to hear it direct to me on the forum...seems to sink in better that way ;

 

 

Well sometimes, if we're honest with ourselves we know the answers to the questions we seek. It just takes someone else telling us for it take effect and sink in.

 

I truly believe with your case hun, you need to be strong and treat this relationship as being over and start getting over him so that you dont feel emotionally connected to him etc. From there, your not ruling out another chapter with the guy, your simply putting yourself first and saying "I value my own happiness above yours, and I want to have a better life". If you cut the attachment (easier said then done) you can allow more positive things into your life, focus on your personal growth etc and really better yourself. This is why sometimes i feel its better to be the dumpee. As the dumpee we are required to have moments of reflection to truly heal and these should hopefully lead us to a more healthier and enriched way of life. From my experience, the dumpers often refuse to accept their own shortcomings and as such arent as aware of their flaws etc.

[Mustang]

You make a good point there. Although, I'd kind of love to be my ex at this point in time. I'm pretty convinced she cheated on me before kicking me out on the street and then led me on after my mum's death and now she's ignoring me. I imagine that she's with someone else and having a great time knowing that despite how horrible she's been, she knows I still love her.

 

I'd rather be her at this point in time than me. Yes, in the long run, I'll be a better person for it but oh how nice it would be to not have a heart or conscience and just dump someone and start afresh with someone else.

[1guygirl]

agree don...even tho i am technically the dumper, i left because i felt neglected and taken for granted. add that to him loving me but not saying it, or complimenting me....so i had no words nor actions...tho he did love me, he just couldnt express it due to some fear, and insecurity about me. i had my hang ups from abusive relationship previously too.

 

but about this gut hunch thing ...i said to my friend that i felt he text me about the tshirt to test the waters, because i had feeling he would go to this past life regression thing on wednesday (today) and sure enough.....

 

(oh hes jus text again...its juicy....bugger lol)

 

first text tonight: "Regression was good yep u certainly were the btchbrains behind the operation died before we were 30 if im right X"

 

second text jus now "Ive just found a little something on't net.Bit of a bombshell. If you dont want 2 know ok fair do's. Im pretty sure we'll bump into each other again X"

 

Im so proud me lil self not replyingg but yes im very intrigued into our past lives we shared together...they hold the key to what we went through with each other this life...but maybe another time ey

[1guygirl]

You make a good point there. Although, I'd kind of love to be my ex at this point in time. I'm pretty convinced she cheated on me before kicking me out on the street and then led me on after my mum's death and now she's ignoring me. I imagine that she's with someone else and having a great time knowing that despite how horrible she's been, she knows I still love her.

 

I'd rather be her at this point in time than me. Yes, in the long run, I'll be a better person for it but oh how nice it would be to not have a heart or conscience and just dump someone and start afresh with someone else.

 

in time she would rather be you....

[Mustang]

in time she would rather be you....

 

How do you mean?

[1guygirl]

How do you mean?

 

jus that you will have gotten over her, aspired and become the best you can be, due to the break up, while the s... will only jus be hitting the fan with her as all her actions will be coming back to haunt her, whether in feelings or turn of events. she will likely hear about you, or even snoop somehow and see what she lost through her own selfish deeds.

 

it usually happens like that, the universe has this weird way of doing things...

[Mustang]

jus that you will have gotten over her, aspired and become the best you can be, due to the break up, while the s... will only jus be hitting the fan with her as all her actions will be coming back to haunt her, whether in feelings or turn of events. she will likely hear about you, or even snoop somehow and see what she lost through her own selfish deeds.

 

it usually happens like that, the universe has this weird way of doing things...

 

Ah I see. Yeah, maybe. Although considering how she handled the break up and the way she's been since, I can't see her ever looking back in any shape or form. She stayed with a "friend" one night and despite how upset I got over it, she stayed with him again the following night. And then again a week later. And then invited into our flat at 5am the following night. Then when my mum died, she led me on and made out that she wanted to get back with me before completely changing her mind two weeks later. Now she ignores me. Not one bit of remorse from her for any of that.

 

If she can do all of that whilst still claiming she loves me but doesn't feel bad, what's she going to be like when she doesn't love me anymore?

 

She'll bury her head in the sand and just carry on doing what makes her happy until I'm forgotten. It's just a feeling I get. If she had any conscience, she'd have at least tried to apologise by now.

[Timefornc]

DON lol....ex jus text...eeesh

 

sorry jus laughing abit at the timing lol...

 

he simply said "Got me tshirt thank you x"

 

now i sent that tshirt back TWO WEEKS AGO by first class post...and hes only jus got it??....boy am i gunna have to complain to Royal Mail...£1.92 that bugger cost me

 

I know you joke, but 14 days for royal mail first class is fairly standard delivery time. Fricking useless

[donpeel83]

Thing is mustang you have mentioned some cracking points in your post without realising how great they are. What I mean is this:

 

- She stayed with a "friend". Regardless if they had sex etc, this to me tells me she has an inability to be on her own. SHe is emotionally immature and insecure in that after finishing with you she has to have comfort from someone, anyone, because she is unable to process the feelings that come with being alone. You on the other hand have had no choice but to face this, and instead of sinking your slowly swimming to shore. From doing this you'll learn alot about yourself, about your inner strength and character. You might not, no no, I gurantee you wont realise it now but as time goes on and you become reflective and look at lessons learnt etc (which we all do in these situations) you'll start to realise how much youve changed for the better etc.

 

- "She'll bury her head in the sand..." ok, i didnt bother quoting past this bit as you have basically raised another trait. She is treating the break up and her flaws with the classic "If i dont see it then it isnt real". Both my exes did this. My most recent ex would refuse to accept she has ever done anything wrong in a relstionship, despite the fact guys have cheated on her in the past and our relationship became strained. SHe was the sort of person who when i tried to air concerns she would put her barriers up. Because of this, and little things she has said about previous relationships, i know that she has always been like this and because of that guys will often get fed up with trying to flog a dead horse to make the relationship work if you get me? The point im making is she would bury her head in the sand because it was easier for her to deny she had things to work on then it was to look at the relationship and herself and go "Actually, so and so has a very goog point". Because of this mentality in the break up too she probably wont evolve as a person and I truly believe that in these life changing situations, as hard as they are, you have to try your hardest to find the positives and learn what you can obtain from them! People like my ex (and probably yours) wont do this as they dont realise they have stuff to work on!!