Epiphany! Makes me want to embrace Life.

[peaceOfmind78]

I jsut realized that I was drunk driving last night and ran over a red light. Please try not to be too harsh. I know stupid is an understatement, but hear me...

 

Every time I would go out, a family member would ask me if I'm going to drink. Not knowing what could possibly happen for the night, I say no. And I try to keep my word. Eventually, a really good friend and I drank...then, I sent a text to family member saying that I'm just at friend's house and will be coming home. Instead of just staying the night, I don't because I already said I was going home. I feel the pressure from self and expectation from family member that I'd be comin home. If I don't come home, then I would hear about drinking and not coming home. So, I guess I would rather be home and not hear about drinking.

 

If I got into an accident last night, then I probably wouldn't be alive writing this. I don't know how else to deal with what I just realized but to embrace the fact that I'm still alive. I don't know if I should confront my older sister about her asking if I will be drinking. I don't know what to do about this. I feel horrible but at the same time grateful somehow that I'm still living. The more i think about running that red light makes my headache worse and turns my tummy. Uggh. I think I'm going to puke...

[Kitkat973]

How are you going to put this revelation into action?

[ForumGuy]

Unfortunately, most people talk about change but never do anything about it until something actually does happen (wreck, dui). Hoping you might be the exception.

[flaminghair81]

I want to add something for you to think about here and maybe you will really realize how lucky you are right now and how you honestly need to make a grown up decision on how to lead your life when it comes to drinking and driving.

 

9 years ago, when I was 21, I was in a car wreck that nearly took my life. It was a head on collision, I was in a small 4 door car and the other vehicle was a old, large truck. I was really lucky because when I crashed, it was in front of a doctor's house who happened to have just gotten home and a nurse was behind me. Between the two of them, they were able to climb into my car and keep me alive until the ambulance got there. I was taken to the trauma hospital here in my city. The engine crushed my legs. I almost lost my right leg, but they were able to put it back together. Both bones of my ankle were in pieces, and the ball of my femur was broken into three pieces. I had internal bleeding in my stomach that was caught when I was crashing while they were doing Xrays. My shoulder was broken, my left hip dislocated, had fractures in the vertebra in my neck and back and the ligaments in my left knee were ripped in half.

 

The driver of the truck had a broken leg. He was a 55 year old man who was drunk at 5:30pm on a Sunday afternoon. Going around a blind curve at 50 miles an hour, he crossed into my lane and slammed into my car. I had no chance to avoid him. He took years of my life with his bad decision.

 

My family went through hell. They were told to tell me goodbye before a few surgeries because there was a good chance I would not make it. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks and I have had over 8 surgeries since my wreck and unfortunately I will have more. I live in pain daily. I have arthritis at 30 years old. So bad that a doctor said they would have thought my xray of my back and hip was that of a 65 year old. I have memory issues not because the hit was so hard, it caused some frontal lobe damage. I am scared that I won't be able to have children. If I am able, how will my body handle it? Can my back handle the bending and stooping that comes with having a baby? I have a hard time now getting up and down off the ground. I won't be able to get on the ground and crawl after my baby because I can't feel my right knee and it does not bend like it should.

 

I am very glad that you did not have an accident last night, not only because you are safe, but because someone else was not the victim of your poor decision. Everyone is guilty of driving when they have had a few, even I have done it before. But you have experienced a realization this morning. What you do now that you have realized this is what is important. I hope that hearing my story, the one of someone on the other side of a drunk driving accident, helps you make your decision on how to deal with your problem.

[Betweenthebars]

Oh my god I've never been much of a drinker but reading that story I will never drink and drive. I'm so sorry for you. I hope that man was forced to pay for your medical bills.

 

oP, I hope that story touched you as well. Don't drink and drive. Ever. No matter what.

[wolflovesmoon]

i think you are more concerned about the consequences of the problem but not the problem it self. getting a ticket is a result of being and caught drunk while driving. the solution is you pay the ticket. but the problem is not solved yet. your sister or any member of the family getting mad at you is a consequence of you drinking and you are trying to find a way to deal with them. Deal with the problem. try to stop drinking, you don`t sound like addicted, getting drunk is the source of all the outcomes and you should make an end point to it, i dont know how hard is that because i don`t drink. and i Believe you will do the right thing in the right time. just don`t take forever. part of been grateful you still alive is to maintain a good life and protect it, your life is not your own only.

[catfeeder]

Instead of calling to say you're coming home, why not just say you're safe, you won't be driving, and you're staying at a friends' house? Don't get pulled into a discussion about it, just state it and say you'll talk about it in the morning. Then stay at the friend's house.

 

If anyone gives you any crap for that, tell them it was the best judgment call to make at the time, and you intend to continue to use your best judgement and will notify family members appropriately as this occurs.

 

The issue in this case isn't the drinking, it's the driving. The bottom line is that you commit to never getting behind the wheel after a drink. Period. If that stirs up the issue of drinking at all, then deal with those consequences on their own merits, without compounding the problem--and don't rope yourself into breaking your word by answering 'no' to drinking up front. Just say, "If I have a drink, I'll call you to say where I'm staying--I won't drive."

[elcie]

At least you've recognized that you've just had a wake up call. Now, it's up to you to do something about it.

 

I had a cousin who was killed by a drunk driver. A single moment of irresponsibility affected so many people for so many years!!!

[sidehop]

Have you started going to AA or seek professional help? I remember your post from the past about joining and sounds like the habit itself is leading to a more risky situation. I hope this is a wake up call, it could've been you, other innocent motorists if not bystanders and people who love you that would've been grieving.

[peaceOfmind78]

I'm still out of words. I have been seeing a therapist once a week, but we didn't meet last week because she went on vacay. I'm still contemplating going to AA.

 

It's true that other innocent people could've been involved. The thought of what I've done still gives me the chills and part of me shuts down when my mind starts replaying the sight of the red light and crossing that intersection! I looked on my rear view mirror in disbelief! I knew I was scared but didn't feel completely scared. Like everything was and still is a blur.

 

On Thursday, I'll be going to my friend's wedding rehearsal dinner, then wedding on Saturday. I want to say that I plan on drinking, but most likely not...this group usually skips the alcohol. We'll see...but no matter what-- I will not drink and drive. I might ask for a ride back to hotel from one of my friends, then ask to be dropped off to my car the next day.

 

I appreciate all the comments. I will keep reading this thread as a constant reminder... thank you.