LC - He Misses Me, Now What?

[BlueMilk]

So I've been dipping in here for advice about a long distance friend of mine. Well, I'm back again.

 

We've been chatting for the past seven months, getting to know each other and hanging out. When we first met and hung out he was strong in his advances (he got my number from a mutual friend, talked all day, flirty, asked to be wherever I was, cancelled plans to stay longer, etc.) We were never alone during the week I was there but he was everywhere and he gave me a little gift before I left. His sibling is married to my sibling however, and he kept teasing me about how my sibling disapproves of his flirtations.

 

He kept up the convo while I was abroad, we flirted on and off but he did a lot of the initiating. Two months into it however and he asked for advice on flirting with another girl. Devastated but realizing I must have read everything wrong, and realizing he owes me nothing, I began to waffle.

 

We played hot and cold but he still mentions these other girls, I was suspicious though - he would mention them once and never again, intent on my reaction (asking if I was jealous, singing songs about how I should ask questions, etc.) Whenever I brought them up again a week later he looked confused and it took him a while to remember, then he would just dismiss them airily. If I mentioned guys he would tease me ('is he your boooyfriend?') or ask me about minor details and commentate ('lol cute', 'sounds gay, but I'd do the same', 'second date? etc.)

 

Well, the more he mentioned those girls the more I realized that I am in the friendzone or his methods of attracting my attention/jealousy is horrible and perhaps he isn't for me or that into me. So I pulled back even more and tried to focus on others. I went into Low Contact and Nonchalance for the most part. I stopped asking about his days, I went from 40 percent initiating to about 20. I left convos early or just outright ignored him.

 

A few weeks into it and now he has been sending me random messages about how he misses me; sometimes when he is sober sometimes when he is drunk, but always in a joking/comical manner (he deals with everything in a comical manner). One day he said that he missed our long convos and how we were like in a non-committed relationship but now we are drifting apart; I just 'lol'ed in response. ](*,)

 

So my question is...What now? I am not sure what he wants from me. A part of me is trying to be patient until I finish my internship and head home to see how it feels like if we finally manage to hang out one-on-one, another part of me thinks he is using me as a backup plan or a 'fair weather girlfriend'. I don't know what to think anymore or what to do. I pulled back and figured if it was nothing then he'd stop contacting me, but he didn't; and him and his friends are still dedicating love songs when drunk! So...I'm not sure how to interpret this. Help?

[myhonestanswer]

I'd try to keep it on the back burner until you see him again. There are too many variables to tell what is going on from afar.

 

But, for what it's worth, I'd be wary of someone who deals with EVERYTHING comically. It gets old fast. He obviously has trouble dealing with emotions in a straight forward manner, that's probably not something I could tolerate.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He sounds very immature and seeing how he is behaving now, I can't imagine he would behave any differently in an actual relationship. You would be constantly dealing with drama and uncertainty with this guy. One option is to put yourself on the line and actually ask him if he wants to date. If he says no or acts wishy washy then you can cut him out of your life for good and no longer deal with his BS.

[BlueMilk]

To be fair myhonestanswer, we did have some noncomical interactions but I floundered a bit because I'm not used to being vulnerable and opening up (he is quite the opposite), and when in an awkward position of not knowing how to answer I do turn to jokes myself so I can't judge him too harshly on it. Especially when out of both of us I have opened up less (I think...?), but did try to express my interest through other means (including flirty jokes.) You're right about the back burner thing though. I think that may be my best bet...but my impatience is getting the better of me, and I suppose I want /some/ indication before then just to ease my thoughts.

 

Crazyaboutdogs (I am too btw!), I have to admit that is probably his worst flaw - his immaturity (he is younger than me by 3 years too, so that doesn't help) but my brother did tell me something interesting when I talked to him about this. He said we're not all perfect and part of getting married is accepting flaws (he also thinks the guy and I would make a good match). So I have to wonder just how big of a flaw is it, is it a deal breaker or not? I always pull back because we're not in a relationship and I can't take a stand on things but I always figured I could set some boundaries if we were together (like the girl talking thing - really if he wanted to make me jealous that's not how it works, I'll gladly show him what actually does make me jealous.) That's the other thing, it'll be very hard to cut him out of my life cause his family married into mine. It's another thing I think we're both hesitant about and why we may be so wary of each other.