Thoughts on this girl's behavior/situation?

[benkuske]

So there's this girl that I'd shown some interest in previously (but never gone on a date), but hadn't seen for a while (she sort of disappeared from our larger social circle) who recently has been hanging around again. I'm 26, she's 24. Tried to connect with her to go snowboarding and other group hangouts during the winter via text, but schedules never seemed to align, and then she sort of disappeared. It seemed to me that despite what had seemed like some mutual interest, she simply wasn't interested (if she was, the hangouts would have happen).

 

Anyway...

 

Sunday she was at a cocktail-type party at a lake house and I noticed her sort of looking over at me as I talked with other people. A group of us went down to the dock, and we connected there and started talking. Everyone else left the dock, but she was locked in on the convo. When the convo broke for a second, I was going to offer "should we walk and talk" as everyone was leaving (wasn't sure what she was thinking, and didn't want her to feel awkward by me jumping into a new convo with the whole group moving out). But she jumped right into another question, and now everyone was gone, and she asked if I wanted to sit.

 

We sat on the dock for about 30-40 minutes talking and watched the sunset until someone else came down, which sort of interrupted things and so we went back up to the house. Without me signalling for her to do so, she seemed to follow me around a bit, and when I went to sit down on a bench to watch some people playing a bean-bag tossing game she sat down right next to me (and close to me). We ended up playing the game, and then things broke because I engaged with some people and we parted ways (though I noticed her looking over at me a few times during the night). She found me before leaving to say goodbye.

 

So, things seemed to go very well and I even had a couple people notice and ask me about.

 

(Sorry this is long, please keep reading! haha)

 

Now, that was Sunday. She was leaving on a trip Thursday and I knew I'd see her in person Wed night at a large social gathering. I happen to have 2 tickets to a concert for one of our mutual favorite artists that is completely sold out (got the tickets in Feb, the concert is in 2 weeks). Figured I would ask her to go to the concert with me (she had even mentioned Sunday while talking on the dock about missing out on concerts of her favorite artists). I wanted to ask before she left on her trip, and to give her some time because she works nights on the night of the concert and would need to get someone to cover.

 

So I see her at the group event, we acknowledge eachother by eye contact/smile. At one point there was a group announcement when someone got up and spoke for about 5 minutes, so as people were sitting down for this I found where she was at and sat down next to her. Talked to her for a minute before the speaker started. After the speaker asked her about her trip tomorrow, talked for about 1-2 minutes and then I was going to ask her.

 

Before I could ask her, a friend of hers in the vicinity got up to leave and she was like "oh hey are you leaving?" and her friend said umm no not yet, and then she asked "are you coming back? I wanted to ask you about something" and then she said oh I'll just ask you now. It was about a couch she found online (they are going to be future roommates) and she started to show her/ask about it and she stood up to show the picture better. Then the 3rd friend (and other future roommate came up) as they started talking.

 

She turned back to me really quickly to apologize and then continued convo. Wasn't sure if this was a quick exchange she wanted or would take a while, and her apology/tone wasn't clear (at all) as to whether she met "sorry to cut convo short" or "sorry this will just take a second." Normally I would have just left when the convo with said friend started by saying I'd go refill my drink or something, but the night was coming to a close soon and there was 50 people there are so and she left early in the morning and I wanted to make sure I got to ask her about the concert before she left (and not in a big group, which as soon as we left where we were sitting would have been the case).

 

So I waited. But then the convo kept going... couldn't tell if it was wrapping up... I felt a bit awkward just sitting there and was like man I should have left, or I should leave now. Then it wrapped up (after about 2-3 minutes of me sitting there, by this time I felt sort of dumb). Her 2 friends left and she turned back to me and said she was going to go get something to drink.

 

I wish I could have redone this whole moment and just left early on, because it now seemed probable that the whole friend convo initiation was more of an escape route from a prolonged 1on1 convo with me, but then I just sort of sat there waiting, and then after the friend convo ended she wanted to break. Anyway, I would normally never awkwardly sit there but my thinking was that I needed to ask her tonight before she left, and when we weren't engaged in the middle of a ton of people, and this seemed like it.

 

So she said she was going to get something to drink and I said "sure, but oh hey so the reason I was just waiting there" (to which she nodded and said "oh,yeah?" in a friendly way) and I asked her if she been wanting to see that band, and she said yes but the tickets were all sold out. I told her I had two tickets, and she sort of lit up and was like "are you serious?" and I asked her if she wanted to go and she said "um yeah, of course!" she asked when and I told her, and as I knew she said she worked that night but would put in a request/try and get someone to cover. So I said alright cool, just let me know. Then we parted ways.

 

So while she seemed genuine about the concert, that may also have more to do that it's a show she'd love to see. I did notice she never went to get something to drink. When she left, she was saying bye to someone near me and said a brief "bye, it was good to see you" to me on her way out.

 

 

Anyways, thoughts on this? It seemed her behavior was "very interested" on Sunday, and then this Wednesday night while she was very friendly when I sat down to talk to her it seemed like she wanted out of that situation. And then on my part, that was just awkward with me waiting there and I know it and even knew it at the time but I felt a certain pressure to get that chance to ask her... oh well, it's done.

 

What do you think this behavior is/was? And why the difference between sunday/today?

[myhonestanswer]

I think you're reading way to much into this! You had a great night talking to someone, they were friendly when you saw them again, and now you're going to a concert together.

 

All seems good to me. She may be more interested in the band than you, but hey, that's not unusual early on. Just have fun at the concert, and see how things go from there. And it was very generous of you to offer her the ticket!

 

And stop going over things in your head. Regardless of all this 'other conversation' stuff, on Wednesday, all you wanted was to ask her to go to the concert. You did, and she said yes. It was a success, no?

[benkuske]

haha well you may be right - I do over analyze, it's part of my personality type with EVERYTHING (not just ladies)...

 

BUT main question is: my past experience with her was failed hang out attempts in the winter (i.e. yeah that should work! oh, I can't) so I'm skeptical here. And from a women's point of view, doesn't that appear that she was trying to escape the convo? (what girl if a guy their interested in is talking to them would try and talk to her roommate about a couch and that moment?) and how after she came back, she seemed ready to break off to get a drink, rather than "sorry where were we". It just seemed distinctly different than the previous night (ALSO: I thought I may have overheard when she was with her friends - she sort of turned her back to me a bit more and said something quieter (it was noisy out anyway) and I thought one of her friends kind of glanced over toward me and said something like "oh is that was this is about?" - or something of that nature (not sure). Shortly after that, their convo ended, and she said to me that she was going to get something to drink...

 

So yeah, she said yes and was positive but she strikes me as the type who may feel awkward just saying no and coming up with an excuse later. Or in this case, just wanting to go because of the artist (which like you said is fine - just trying to figure out why she seemed to want to escape the convo). In any case, I still feel dumb for awkwardly sitting there through her convo - hopefully the explanation made up for it...

[myhonestanswer]

No, it doesn't appear to me that she was trying to escape the conversation. But probably because I'm the type who doesn't just TRY to escape, I just would. If I'm not enjoying a conversation I politely move on, you know?

 

But anyway, it sounds to me like your schedules genuinely didn't align, now they do.

 

Really, you have STOP reading so much into everything. I'm tempted to tell you to leave her alone, just because you are going to DO HER HEAD IN if you go over every detail of your interactions with this level of detail. What does it matter? You got what you wanted - the date. All that matters now is what happens NEXT.