Unknown Future

[theNobody]

Hello Forum,

 

This is where I normally say my name, but obviously don't want to. Anyways my story goes. I'm 25, she's just turned 21, been married just shy of two years.

 

My wife and I have been separated for 8 weeks now. She's been thinking about separating the night before this started. As of then she'd been texting a lot with two guys from her work, talking about how much fun she has working with them, etc. I woke up the morning of our separating with anxiety and hacked her locked phone, that had recently been changed to a password I didn't know, to read the texts, she had been texting compliments, revealing problems with me, and in general was being inappropriate. I woke her to talk to her about it, when she said she wanted to separate. I thought it would be only last one day.

 

Long story short, before she left she said she loved me, I told her I love her. Second day, showed up to her work with flowers and a card, she said she didn't love me and wish I had cheated on her so she could have a way out of our relationship. Since then it's been an emotional roller coaster. Threats of divorce, not sure if she wants to be with me again, doesn't see herself making love to be again. She says that I've been emotionally abusive, manipulative. That I don't show her love. Granted, I know I've been a little neglectful of her at times, but never enough to merit this kind of decision for separation.

 

I've been seeking out counsel from long time married couples, pastors, psychologist, she hasn't made any effort to work this out with me. I've purchased her some gifts, brought her flowers on multiple occasions and left her little notes and love letters different places. She said that they made her feel uncomfortable so I've stopped. Since then she's been partying and "living" as she puts it.

 

So far she's been in a situation where a guy was trying to pick her up. She went to the people who threw the gathering restroom and locked her self in there. And woke up the next day but I had to get this out of her. But she hasn't learned her lesson. She called me a few days ago, she told me she was at a party and got really drunk, next thing she knows she was getting a ride with a guy, then her cloths were on the floor and was getting it from the back. She said she didn't consent to this. But here's where it gets really confusing. She went back to him and did it again the next day or so. She claimed she wasn't consenting to it, but again she went to him and said she was being stupid. As she told me this she just told me as a something that happened, not sorrowful or really sad it happened, or that she betrayed me. She soon started pointing the finger at me, to even say, "f-you, i'm gonna get the divorce papers." I'm still in shock and still haven't figured out what to do. I feel this isn't the "rock bottom" she claims it is, as we are still separated. Since then I just think about what, why and how this happened, and how she allowed it to happen and what's going to happen next. There is so much hurt in my heart.

[lukeb]

As many on here I am sure can attest, this must seem like the end of the world to you right now but really it isn't.

[tmtex]

Well your not going to like what I am going to say. Back when I was 25 and she was 23 with a 1 yr old, ok maybe he was 2. We were HS sweet hearts, Got married , life was great. Baby came, life was great. With a Baby we needed more money. I was in school, worked at a grocery store, i dont remember what she did at that time but didnt pay much. She was very pretty, she gets a good, nice paying office job @ 22yrs old with no education. Life is great, move out of an APT into a House. Again all is great. 6 months down the road, things change. Long story short, she hooks up with a 40 something drunk man, kicks me out. I am gone for a yr, finally get divorced. Year later we are back together, another kid and a nice 17 yrs later, right back where I was. She did the same thing.

 

Why I am saying your not going to like what I say is, get rid of her and get rid of her NOW.

[20yrshurtand r]

You need to sit her down and tell her you can't tolerate what she's doing. It's tearing your heart out. She either needs to consider you and the marriage or you'll have to protect your self and file. Be prepared to do it and let her know you have. You can always stop it but she has to know your serious. If that doesn't work as a shock treatment then your better off moving on as painful as that may be.