Am I normal

[SarahLegends]

I am now 21 years old and engaged to my bf who is the love of my life! But when I was 12 years old I was bathing my two nieces who were 3 and 4, I just wanted to c how it looked in real life for two ppl to be on top of each other becoz I accedentlty saw a porno for the first time. I was never attracted nor am I attracted to young kids, but I have been feeling sooooooooooo guilty about it!

I only did it that one time and I didn't remember it until a year ago and I feel horrible about what I did.

 

Does it mean that I was a pedophile or anything?

[ForumGuy]

I don't think so. I am 50 now and have 4 grown daughters. I remember being curious about different things in my adolescence but they have never surfaced in any way during adulthood and don't think they are going to in the future. Basically, I was a little boy and was curious about little girls....now I am a big boy and curious about big girls!!

[In the Dark]

Sounds more like a kid acting on impulse and curiosity to me.

 

You just remembered something silly and embarrassing you did from your childhood.

 

There was no malicious intent.

[Robin2904]

Wait I'm confused, did you yourself get ontop of them, or make them get on top of each other? Either way, at 12 I don't feel like it's anything to worry about, just normal human curiosity. At 12 you were still a kid yourself so I don't think it's anything to worry about. As long as the behavior didn't continue on into adulthood I would just chalk it up to a child being curious, don't beat yourself up over it.

[SarahLegends]

No I wasn't on top, I put one on top of the other for honestly like 2 seconds. I have mild OCD and it mainly effects my obsessive thoughts, I dwell so much on it. And I'm 7 months pregnant and I know this stressing isn't good for my baby.

What should I do? Is it bad what I did?

I would never do anything like that ever! I just hate myself for what I did. I feel disgusting and feel that I don't deserve any of this good stuff that is happening to me!!

 

Any thoughts on what I should do?

Btw thanks for all ur answers, they did help

[Robin2904]

No I wasn't on top, I put one on top of the other for honestly like 2 seconds. I have mild OCD and it mainly effects my obsessive thoughts, I dwell so much on it. And I'm 7 months pregnant and I know this stressing isn't good for my baby.

What should I do? Is it bad what I did?

I would never do anything like that ever! I just hate myself for what I did. I feel disgusting and feel that I don't deserve any of this good stuff that is happening to me!!

 

Any thoughts on what I should do?

Btw thanks for all ur answers, they did help

 

I don't think you should dwell on this, it isn't good. I think most people would agree that it was something that happened a very long time ago, when you were a CHILD yourself. It does NOT make you a bad person, disgusting and definitely not a pedophile. The situation you described seemed more about curiosity then anything else. You wouldn't do that now, you have no desire to do anything like that and no sexual feelings towards children. It's not the big thing your mind is making it out to be. It may be seen as inappropriate, I will give you that, but you were a KID. Kids, they do things sometimes that are not appropriate, but you aren't a bad person for it, especially not now after all this time. Your letting your OCD control things and make you dwell on it. My advise would be maybe consult a counselor and talk it out. No one is going to pass judgement on you for something you did as a kid that may have been inappropriate, but certainly doesn't define the person you are.

 

Don't dwell.