Should I tell him I am coming back to the city?

[Cinnamon5]

I am from London, but lived in New York for a year several years ago. I was friends with a guy I worked with who I fell for. Eventually I told him about my feelings, but he said that he had a girlfriend in his home country, which I found was weird, because he always told everyone he was single. I figured he was just lying to me as he didn't know how to reject me. I went back to London and couldn't stop thinking about this guy. He would chat to me every day on IM and call me, but he was always really critical of me.

 

He would tell me that the reason he rejected me was because my clothes were uncool, I wasn't sexually experienced, I wasn't educated enough for him (even though I am more educated than him), my hair was not right, I was too shy etc. Every day we would speak and he would tell me ways I could improve. He would give me essay assignments to do so that I could improve how I thought. The thing is that he's not that intelligent, but he's 10 years older than me (he's 42 and I'm 32) so he thinks he knows better.

 

One year after I left New York I told him I wanted to be together yet again and he finally said yes and that we were together and would move to the same city soon. Then he would tell me what dresses to buy and always asked me to strip for him online and to send him naked photos. When I wouldn't he then stopped talking to me altogether and wouldn't answer his phone or respond to emails.

 

It took me such a long time to get over this, it really shattered me, but now I really dislike him a lot. The problem is that I have to go back to New York to work and I am terrified of seeing him. I now never want to see him again, but we work in the same area and I know I will see him. I don't know if I should email him to tell him I will be there to avoid any awkwardness when I do see him, or whether I should just not tell him and ignore him if I see him.

 

It's just such a bad situation and I feel so stupid. I don't want to ever see him again, but I can't jeopardise my career for him.I'm also worried that I'm going to have to spend all my time at home, cause we have mutual friends and I don't want to go to a party and then suddenly see him. He's become like a demon to me that I'm really scared of.

[Cinnamon5]

My fear of seeing this guy has been so bad, that I originally applied for a lot of jobs outside the area I specialise in, just to stay away from him and then I realised I was jeopardising my career. I really wish I never met this guy at all.

[annie24]

he sounds like a real jerk!! even worse, ughh! you know what - NYC is a big city. if you run into him, either ignore him, or give him a polite hello like you would to a person who works in the same building as you, but you don't even know them.

 

as for your friends, don't let him control your life! he is nothing!! go with your friends, have fun, plan events with them. in addition, meet new friends from a new social circle. if you go to a party and see him, ignore him.

 

glad you are rid of him!

[annie24]

PS - you don't need to email him at all!!! stay 100% away !!!

[Cinnamon5]

Thanks Annie - that's really good advice. I just wish he would move away and I wouldn't have to worry about him. I could just live my life. He was so cruel to me and I'm sure if I saw him in person he would act like nothing ever happened and that would make me so upset.

[annie24]

if you see him, you should then act like you don't even know who he is. he sounds incredibly cruel and twisted and i am glad that you finally came out from his 'spell.' you seem like a smart lady, but maybe with low self-esteem. there is no reason that you should ever let a man treat you like this again!! don't let him get to you. like i said, NYC is huge. when you get there, take some dance or exercise classes - that is how i met a ton of my friends. meet new people. have fun, ok!!

[Cinnamon5]

Thanks Annie!