And Pigs Might Fly

[Flyingpiglet]

Thanks you guys...

 

I am seriously thinking about deleting my entire facebook account. I just need to make sure I have contact details for the people I want to be in contact with!!! It seems such a big step somehow!

 

And well done Jonty! I'm really proud of you for finally biting the bullet! I will try to be inspired by you :star:

[In the Dark]

I have a facebook account but don't know if I remember the pw anymore ass I have not used it in at least 2 years.

[Flyingpiglet]

Yeah I should just get rid of it... I only go on it these days to check up on what he's been up to if anything! Well I guess today I found out!

 

I'm right back at the beginning again... If I really had nothing, It would be easy. sorry but thats just the way I feel.

[Flyingpiglet]

I'm really struggling to get out of bed this morning. Still miserable.

Meant to be giving blood today, that normally makes me feel good.

But I gotta get outta bed first

[Flyingpiglet]

Been to visit dad. He not getting any better. On top of eberything else, he's had a viral infection as well so his lungs are even weaker now. And he's refusing to take the oxygen the docs have left for him.

He's also signed a DNR form (well requested one... He can't write as he's still paralysed) and has made it clear that he doesn't wan't an ambulance called when the time comes but just to be left to die at home.

I guess I undersatnd why.

 

Kinda numb today. I feel like I don't really belong anywhere, or with anybody.

Went out last night and yeah had a good time but I feel just so alone all the time... I'm just getting better at pretending. I was a social demon last night, chatting, laughing, cracking jokes. But I just feel so... I don't know really, just out of it!

 

I just feel on a massive down at the minute.

How long now till things start getting easier?!?!?!

[Flyingpiglet]

Better day today.. No change with dad but thats just how its going to be, I can't see any changes there being good TBH.

 

I've finally reclaimed my house after spanish Frank left... And not before time. I've spent long scrubbing and cleaning and washing all the bedding etc I've not had time to think about much else today. Need to start over looking for someone else now.

And I've done a healthy food shop (apart from the chocolate cookies and wine) Ah well... A girls got to have a few pleasures in life

[Flyingpiglet]

Had someone else come look at my room for rent yesterday... Another male though. I was going to go for a female this time as it should in theory be easier. Saying that, I do generally get on better with men.

If he wants the room I might take a chance on him. He seemed like a really nice guy, but then my character judgement leaves alot to be desired. Aw heck, I don't know what to do!

I told him I have someone else coming to look on Wednesday (an outright lie) he says he's veiwing somewhere else on Thursday. That all gives me until Friday to make a decision. I'm just so wary of outting myself right back in the position I was in only a week ago!

Maybe I should send the dog out to work... Wouldn't need a lodger then!

[Flyingpiglet]

Something had to give... either my sanity, or facebook!

 

Facebook lost... Its now deactivated. I'm through with torturing myself.

Even though he doesn't post there often. I kept checking his wall, then his 'girlfriends' wall. It was slowly killing me inside to see her slowly adding his friends to her friends.

I don't understand why I was a secret, and she obviously isn't!

I'm starting to really hate him and what he has done to me!

I don't want to hate...... I just want to let go now!

[In the Dark]

Well done piggy!

 

It's very hard to deactivate your fb account for certain reasons.

Trust me you have done a big favor to yourself.

 

I stopped using my fb account quite soon after my big break up.

But I had more than enough reason to do so.

 

My ex became so angry for her friend and I deleting her on a different profile site.

Then she went back on fb a few days later once she had come back around to us and deleted me there after a slew of insults which all my contacts in fb can see.

[Flyingpiglet]

Thanks ItD

 

It was difficult but I'm not sure why I found it so upsetting... Ah well.

Deleted the app off my phone this morning too!

 

The only thing bugging me is, unless I'm mistaken, all I would have to do to reactivate is sign in...???

I would like it to be more difficult lol

Perhaps I will stay off for a few week or so, then go get any photo's etc from it and delete it all together!

 

Scary when you realise how much facebook can take over your life

[In the Dark]

I guess it depends on the amount of hurt you feel which leads you to staying on facebook or not.

 

By now I have probably forgotten which PW I have for my fb account.

You can reactive just by signing in.

 

FB can indeed take over peoples lives is very much doing that.

 

Majority of the time someone comes in to use the internet cafe, they are on facebook for a large portion of time.

[Flyingpiglet]

Yeah... I know I have done myself the biggest favour... I do wonder what people will think about it but I don't suppose it really matters. My friends will understand me so that should be all that counts!

 

I was thinking this morning... I have this idea in my head that facebook is a easy way to get to know someone. Say you meet someone you like, you add each other on facebook, its an easy way to communicate and get to know each other. Thats my take on it.

 

The thought of somebody saying... I'll add you on FB

And me saying... I don't have an account... But I do have a phone number! Lets do this the old fashioned way

It made my smile (and I'm looking forward to it if it ever happens)!

[In the Dark]

Having understanding friends is important.

The ones who can not empathize just don't matter.

 

Yes there are many sites where which are non-related to strictly dating which can end up growing different avenues of interest.

Since I do not do Facebook I prefer to give an email address and add to my IM which I do not use often as I don't' have anyone to talk to via IM.

 

I just hope people are not so reliant of FB that they would not pass up someone who does not do facebook.

 

I would like to write letters but due to computers and work, my handwriting can about as readable as hieroglyphics at times.

 

BTW PMed you.

Hope you can respond soon

[Flyingpiglet]

Yeah I suppose I could use IM but I have to admit I've never really used it Hmmm. It is through the email account isn't it? So does it depend on your email address? haha Technophobe alert!!!!!!!

 

If people can't accept that some people don't have facebook then they must be pretty shallow. When I think about it, 3 of my close friends don't use facebook at all. Well, one does for the purpose of her online business but not for a social reason. So at least I'm not going to be the odd one out!

 

Haha, My handwriting is diabolical too, especially if I try to write fast lol.... I was talking about this to somebody the other day, people have just got lazy when it comes to writing these days!... Not to mention you don't have to buy a stamp to send an email!

 

Feel free to write me a letter if you wish ItD Though You wouldn't get as speedy answer as you got to your PM

 

On another note.... It seems that Bruno dog has settled back into some normality YEY.

I left him with the run of the house like the pre frank days today.... And the cat flap is still intact

Maybe things are going to settle back into some sort of normality now! Phew

[Flyingpiglet]

Just worth mentioning... I slept throught the entire night last night. I didn't wake up once until my alarm went off, not even to check the time!!!

And I know that for definate because I get my emails to my phone and would normally read a them if I had the 'new mail' icon... But there was one there that I would have read if I'd seen it, it came just not long after I retired for the night and it was still new mail this morning

 

Now it's not like I had trouble going back to sleep after checking the time/emails but still!

 

I can't remember the last time that happened so I'm quite chuffed! It doesn't take much to make me happy lol

[Flyingpiglet]

And here we are again... Bed time. Pretty uneventful day really. Tough work out at KB class, getting a little twinge in my back at the moment too so better just be a litte careful!

 

Was meant to be having company for dinner... But no show, more for me. I'm not too fussed, I'm getting used to my own company again now anyway.

Nearly had a moment again earlier when I started to think about things... how they are vs how they could be! I just had to busy myself again, thinking about things that I can't change are not going to do me any good now!

This is getting easier, a slow process but definate improvements being made

[Flyingpiglet]

Well, for every good day, there's going to be a not so good day... Granted.

Feeling a little down today, well, just tonight really. Been fine until I've stopped.

[Flyingpiglet]

Ah this is no good.... What is it about the weekend evenings that seem so different.... Lonely? I'm off to bed with a heavy heart tonight.

Yup, you got it... I’m feeling sorry for myself again!

 

It’s funny that the things I miss the most are the things I never really had. I'd give anything for an affectionate real time hug right now!

[In the Dark]

Sometimes certain days, events, places can trigger a memory or a feeling which you remember and are now missing.

 

Do you feel like you should be doing something social on the weekend?

Or was it a part of the week you and your SO enjoyed most together?

 

Hugs.....

Honestly I can not remember the last time when I felt a hug.

I think it may have been July 09'.

[Flyingpiglet]

Oh I dunno, I just keep having moments. I still have relationships, any relationships, on a pedastal at the moment. Like if I was with somebody, the weekends would be more fun! Daft really cos I know in reality that isn't always the case lol. Just keep having maudlin moments but I'm handling them loads better now so it not all bad!

 

I'm trying to keep up with the healthy eating but this is going to be tough at the weekend! I've done so well all week and have had at least my 5 a day, plus drinking more water... And less junk!

But now... Its nearly lunch time and I've had a Granola breakfast bar and a cup of coffee... Argh!!

I have one plum left... Better go eat it and get myself a glass of water!

[In the Dark]

The ups and down ARE to be expected.

In most cases when going single, it's like going cold turkey of cocaine (not that I have tried it....)

One day you will be great....a few days down the track out of the blue......boom.....down in the dumps and you're wondering why?

 

It's great you are sticking to your healthy food regime some what.

 

Ohhh....Granola! D:

Now that's some dedication.

 

Can't wait for Summer over here.

Cherries and Strawberries.

Maybe some Blueberries.

[Flyingpiglet]

Yeah I think that the fact I've realised that they are to be expected makes it easier to see them for what they are... just a blip, a moment. I know I will wake up with a different outlook again the next day so I try not to dwell!

 

As for the healthy eating... I don't even know whats in season over here as we go into autumn and winter, will just have to see what the've got when I go shopping! If I don't fancy the fruit they've got, I'll have to go for the raw veg route. I'm more likely to eat it raw than I am cooked! lol.

 

I love the summer fruits though, I have a rasberry cane in my yard and I get some gorgeous berries on it in the summer...

[Flyingpiglet]

I really need to get on with finding a housemate for my spare room now... My money has all but run out!

Somebody was meant to be moving in on Saturday. No show.... I tried to phone and left him a message! Finally today, he mails me and tells me he has found somewhere closer to work!

 

Back to the drawing board then.

 

But, apart from that, things are pretty good! And I'm still managing my 5 a day!!!

Not managed to cut the wine out yet.

Or the nail biting.

One step at a time, hell I've already stopped smoking this year!!!

[In the Dark]

I really hope you do find a housemate soon then!

 

Don't know how hard it would be getting a housemate over there.

Is there much that would attract a person to lodging in your area?

 

Yeah the smoking is a really hard habit to give up.

A drug which is legal really....

Over here we have such a huge tax that it really is pointless to be smoking.

[Flyingpiglet]

Getting a housemate is harder than I thought it would be. Even though I live in a nice area that is pretty central to a few large towns and cities, its a fair commute to them if thats where people work.

It would be better if I could find someone who worked local and needed a room.

Hmmm, I could try to advertise more locally I suppose.

 

The only thing my town does have that brings people in regular is a Non Destructive Testing Training Centre that attracts people from all over the world. this is how I ended up with Spanish Frank though so its kind of put me off going down that route... Short term lets could just cause loads of stress for me and the dog.

Also, Though I am allowed to earn an amount of cash renting a room out in the house I live in with no tax penalties. If I was doing short term for the training centre, I'm thinking I might have to run it as more of a business which might change things slightly!

I will have to look in to it if I don't get anywhere in the next month or so!

Damn maybe I should sell the house and go traveling instead lol... I have plenty of positive equity! (kidding obviously)

 

Thank god I gave up smoking when I did... Couldn't afford to keep that up as well.

I need to get my brewing kit back out so I can start making wine again too If only I had more space!

 

-----

 

Last couple of days I have woken up feeling strange... It soon passed but...

It's a feeling like there's something I forgot, or something I should be sad about or something I'm not looking forward to.

The initial feeling passes but its leaving me feeling quite anxious... I'm on tenter hooks waiting for something unpleasant to happen!

Strange feeling, trying not to focus on worrying about it because, despite my boss being a royal pain int he backside this week, I can't imagine what else there is...?!