How important does sex do in a relationship?--confusing

[crystall]

I am not ashamed to admit that I love sex very much. More acurately I love "Making Love" very much. And I think I am a girl with strong sexual desire.

I've been with my current for half a year. However it seems he never satisfy me in our sex life. The biggest problem is he cum so quickly and at first I even thought he was joking that he already cum! I think this has nth to do with the experience or age because he is already in his late twenties and he has been in many relationships before.

To be honest I am very disappointed because I really enjoy sex! Well I had a lot of problems with this man but sex is one of the most important reasons. It's been really hard for me to hold myself like this, and for the most of the time I have no choice but masturbate.

However in terms of daily life he is very very very much loyal to me. He looks nice, do the houseworks, sweet to me for the most of the times, buying me gifts....

I am very confused. How important does sex do to consider a relationship?

Are there any ways to improve his performance?

Will us be happy if I continue this relationship?

[jifeak]

.. sex is just as important as you make it out to be. Your partner maybe easily excited by you and possibly needs help delaying ejaculations. I'm no sex therapist but he does need help in that department. If you love him enough to stick with him and help, then do so before it drives you apart. You need to speak to him about it and in the meantime focus on the other good things about him and compliment him from time to time about the good things. Yes sex is important, but it's not everything in a relationship, believe me, I know. You can be happy with the guy with a little love and patience.

[crystall]

He used to use a kind of spray, which seems doesn't work at all. And he doesn't like to use condum. It's been half a year and now it turns out that we seldom have sex. Maybe only once per week or two weeks.

Every time he explained to me is that we haven't have sex for a long period, so he is easily to be excited. But even when we were together for the first month he was like this already.

Does he got a problem, or it is just a matter of time? I mean when he is in his thirties he will perform better?

Love is very important, however, good sex can make the love stronger. Can you imagin how terrible it was when sometimes I masturbate in front of him, because he cum so quickly and I just started to be in the mood!

[JonnyG]

If he has a habit of cumming early, I don't see why he just doesnt take himself off to the bathroom a couple of hours in advance to lower his excitment levels.

 

U should try more foreplay, especially get him to do more oral etc on u. This will allow him to give u loads more pleasure without him getting any penetrative contact. Then when u r very satisfied u can go on to sex, and even if he finishes quickly u are already satisfied.

[Day_Walker]

There are many ways to prolong ejaculation. Your bf has to be aware that he has a problem and he also has to want to remedy the problem. If he is unwilling to do anything then that should be an indication about the true nature of the relationship. You need to talk to ur partner about the problem and have him seek help for his problem.

[crystall]

If he is unwilling to do anything then that should be an indication about the true nature of the relationship.

 

Yes you are right.Actually I have heaps of problem with this man, but still I didn't leave him maybe because he is the first man that I live with in my life, and I think I do love him, or at least already get used to have him as a company.

 

Well I've been thinking so many times to break up with him because of this problem, but I didn't cos I don't want to be regarded as a woman only want sex by him.

 

Yes we should talk and actually we already did. However, his explanation is always the same: I'm tired today; we didn't have sex for a long time that's why; you are too tight so I can't stand it....ect ect. I can't tell him to go for the professional help because it might definitely hurt him.( this man is very dominant and sensitive)

 

So what is the true nature of a relationship? Having each other as a company? a goodfriend and a partner for life? And sex is not that important compare to all of these?

[crystall]

U should try more foreplay, especially get him to do more oral etc on u. This will allow him to give u loads more pleasure without him getting any penetrative contact. Then when u r very satisfied u can go on to sex, and even if he finishes quickly u are already satisfied.

 

Well actually I enjoy oral very much. But actually I am the one who is always doing oral for him, and it seems he is not that much willing to do it for me.

 

It is very difficult for me to have organsm. When he touch me or do some oral, and found that it's been a while and still I didn't cum, he just gave up. As a result I never expect he can or he will make me have organsm.

 

I'm very depressed about this, especially I know what is good sex and how amazing it is. (I am very much satisfied with my ex-bf in sex)

 

There are so many chances for me to have sex with some other people becaues I am a sexy and good looking girl but I just didn't. I hold myself for him but don't know whether it is worthy.

[nomore]

I thought you mentioned that you are a very sexual person so why don't you reach the climax as fast as he does (considering a good amount of foreplay)? Second question is how fast does he come? 5 mins, 10 mins? Not knowing that, no one can speculate that whether he cums too fast or you have an orgasm too late.

 

One way to prolong reaching the climax point is to ask him when he masturbates and gets close to orgasm, press hard on his PC muscle (area between the testicals and the ahole). That would force him to injaculate rather that ejaculate. After a few month, he'll last longer. Second, as it was mentioned, he can always relieve himself a few hours prior to the sexual engagement with you. Penis decentesizer does not work because his way of reaching orgasm is more mental than physical, which is good.

[crystall]

I thought you mentioned that you are a very sexual person so why don't you reach the climax as fast as he does (considering a good amount of foreplay)?

 

Well I mentioned I am a sexual person is because I think sex is very important and I always have strong desire to have sex. But it doesn't mean that I would have orgasm qucikly and easily. My partner need to do a lot of efforts to bring me to the peak, but even without orgasm I also enjoy the whole procedure very much.

 

 

Second question is how fast does he come? 5 mins, 10 mins? Not knowing that, no one can speculate that whether he cums too fast or you have an orgasm too late.

Well, this is also the question I want to ask. How long is it normal for a man? As to my bf, well, usually less than 5 minutes. Sometimes only 2 minutes. If that is my lucky day it will be around 10 mints. Is this a kind of abnormal? My ex-bf did great performance every time, only in terms of the time, it is between 30mints to 2hrs(not including foreplay). Is it abnormal as well?

[lunatic]

OK OK I have to put in my two cents on this one...

 

First off I am a very sexual person myself and I know exactly how you feel Crystall. The first thing you have to stop doing is giving him oral. If your giving him oral and he is not returning the favor then there are other problems.

If you are already having second thoughts or thinking about straying Don't. Do you and him a favor and break up if this is bothing you so much. You are already thinking about cheating and that does nothing to help the situation it is a temporary fix.

I would talk to him about the problems you are having and if he does not want to work on them then it is time to move on. If you cheat it will hurt his feelings more than if you talk to him about the sexual frustrations.

GEEZ this guy does not know how lucky he is to have a woman who is as horny as I am. Too bad for him to not to know what he has...

 

*Oh well enough of depressing myself here* lol

 

Hubman

[crystall]

OK OK I have to put in my two cents on this one...

Thanks for your time spending on my post.

 

First off I am a very sexual person myself and I know exactly how you feel Crystall. The first thing you have to stop doing is giving him oral. If your giving him oral and he is not returning the favor then there are other problems.

 

I can't remember when is the last time I had sex with him. It was so long ago and it finished very quickly as usual. To be honest I don't have any implus to have sex with him anymore. I don't know whether this is the sign that I don't love him anymore.

 

If you are already having second thoughts or thinking about straying Don't. Do you and him a favor and break up if this is bothing you so much. You are already thinking about cheating and that does nothing to help the situation it is a temporary fix.

 

You are right. A lot of my friends just to clubbing every weekend and get girls there. It seems sex and love can be separated. I am confused. Can people separate sex and love? If not affending, do you mind telling me what will you do when you are horny and you are not in a relationship?Anyway, I didn't do that. If I break up with him, I will watch out my steps and find a good one for myself in the future.

 

I would talk to him about the problems you are having and if he does not want to work on them then it is time to move on. If you cheat it will hurt his feelings more than if you talk to him about the sexual frustrations.

I don't know whether I have cheated on him or not. I went out with some other guy friends of mine during weekend. We dance, talk, had dinner, watch movie..and that's it. I know they like me or maybe love me but I still let them know I didn't break up with my bf. Well if he knows I go out with other guys at night, he will beat me again I am sure.

 

 

GEEZ this guy does not know how lucky he is to have a woman who is as horny as I am. Too bad for him to not to know what he has....

Well I found that everybody posting here seem to be nice, caring, and sweet . However, why I just can't meet these kind of people in my real life?

[lunatic]

Hi Crystall,

 

I can't remember when is the last time I had sex with him. It was so long ago and it finished very quickly as usual. To be honest I don't have any implus to have sex with him anymore. I don't know whether this is the sign that I don't love him anymore.

 

Your not sexually active with this guy anymore then why are you still exclusive with him. You should leave this one and find one that is as sexual as you are.

 

 

If not affending, do you mind telling me what will you do when you are horny and you are not in a relationship?Anyway, I didn't do that. If I break up with him, I will watch out my steps and find a good one for myself in the future.

You are not offending me by asking me this question. Usually while I am not in a relationship I take care of myself a few times a day. *wink wink* I do have to ask you what you meant by "I will watch my steps and find a good one in the future"- Are you holding onto this one till you find something better?

 

Well if he knows I go out with other guys at night, he will beat me again I am sure.

Hey if this one is beating you then it is time to walk away from him. No one deserves to be beaten by anyone ever. If he hits you then it is time to get away from him. You do deserve to be treated better than that.

 

Well I found that everybody posting here seem to be nice, caring, and sweet . However, why I just can't meet these kind of people in my real life?

Don't worry about that sweety you will one day. Just keep looking and you will find someone who will ravage you in bed.

 

Talk to ya soon,

Hubman 8)

[JonnyG]

Lasting sometimes under 2 mins counts as premature ejaculation according to the scientists. But as u said he can last longer like 5 -10mins.

 

U say u give him oral a lot but he doesnt on u often and u find it very enjoyable. Well oral sex is very pleasurable for a man and can often put us near the edge. Its difficult to cum from just oral, but it can get u close so when it comes to actual penetrative sex, ejaculation can happen quickly.

 

I would suggest if he really enjoys oral that u give him oral first. Then he performs oral on you for at least 10mins. This way u get a lot of pleasure while his excitment levels calm down. Then when it comes to penetrative sex he will hopefully last a bit longer than if u went straight from a bj to sex.

 

Oral sex is often the key to female pleasure in sex, and if hes not lasting long, and isnt doing oral, then i can understand why u feel sexually depressed. U need to talk to him and make him give u more oral

[crystall]

 

Your not sexually active with this guy anymore then why are you still exclusive with him. You should leave this one and find one that is as sexual as you are.

Well this is exactly the reason I make this post. He cares about me in terms of my daily life. He is always there when I need a hug. Well he is also very much loyal to me. Having seen a lot of sad stories here, it seems loyalty is a very important issue in a relationship. I just don't know what to decide.

 

 

I do have to ask you what you meant by "I will watch my steps and find a good one in the future"- Are you holding onto this one till you find something better?

Well I don't want to step into a new relationship as quickly as before. I really don't have confidence on a relationship anymore.

I had a lot of chances to have sex with other guys. As I am an attractive and intelligent girl, it's always easy to get a bf. Sometimes I really want to just "do it" with anyone of them because my body needs it. But then I think I need to respect myself by avoiding these behaviour.

There are at least 2-3 guys chasing me now and I know objectively they are superior than him, at least intellectually. But I still didn't leave him or accept anybody, simply because I just can't see his helpless eyes. He always said: you are my everything. And to be honest we had a lot of memories, which is difficult to let go.

 

Hey if this one is beating you then it is time to walk away from him. No one deserves to be beaten by anyone ever. If he hits you then it is time to get away from him. You do deserve to be treated better than that.

The first time he hit me is because I went to have dinner with two of my male colleagues w/o telling him. I went there at 8:30pm and got back at 10:00pm. That day he was sick. He called me hundreds of times and when I got back home, he threw the things, tore his clothes and hit me, because he said I cheated on him. Well I just love him too much at that time and I kept on apologizing. Now I looked back I think I am very stupid of doing that. I forgave him but later he did it again. I don't know what's wrong with this man. But I really love him, at least before. Or is there anything wrong with myself?

I am the kind of girl who is always surrounded by guys. He said it is because I am an easy person so he needs to control me. Well I just like communicating with people and I always smile to them. And I have no idea why I just can't make girlfriends even though I've been trying hard. I've been thinking, even I leave this guy and get into another relationship, the same story might happen again. The other guy might not hit me, but he will try to control me and we'll end up with unhappiness.

I am just full of confusions.

 

Don't worry about that sweety you will one day. Just keep looking and you will find someone who will ravage you in bed.

I think this is just a matter of luck. I hope I can be a lucky one. Is it true that if a person is hairy then this person is more sexual?

[lunatic]

Hi Crystall,

 

I have a few problems with some of your answers.

 

I am the kind of girl who is always surrounded by guys. He said it is because I am an easy person so he needs to control me.

 

A relationship is not about controlling the other person. It is a friendship and a partnership. With lots of communication between the two people and comprimise mixed in. I think this man is not the best choice for you. He hits you and controlls you in the name of love. That is not how a relationship should be.

 

Now I looked back I think I am very stupid of doing that. I forgave him but later he did it again. I don't know what's wrong with this man. But I really love him, at least before. Or is there anything wrong with myself?

 

No one should ever hit you ever. Get out of this relationship and find someone who will accept you for whom you are and wont abuse you. This is not a healthy situation and this guy has a lot of issues with controlling his partner.

 

I hope I can be a lucky one. Is it true that if a person is hairy then this person is more sexual?

 

I am not a hairy person and I am super sexual. This is a false statement and I would not use this as a precusor to finding a new partner. The best way to find out if a guy is sexual is to use your eyes. If he cannot take his eyes off you and pays 100% attention to you then there is something there plus he will probablly be looking at you with some desire. Another thing to look out for is the sexual tension that can develop and you will know when it happens.

 

Don't hang around the man your with now because he is using you and controlling you. Lets not forget to mention that he hits you and no one deserves to be treated like that. Love is not about control or power. Love is about two people being able to be friends and lovers all in one.

 

Hubman 8)

[crystall]

 

he hit me again last night, just because I had a talk with my friend till 1pm.

We totally broke up.

I am moving out asap because I am not feeling safe of being close to this person.

Can't believe this kind of things happen to my life.

 

I am in this foreign country all by myself........feel so helpless....

 

why a man is doing this to a woman???

[theghost]

why a man is doing this to a woman???

 

No, it is not man that do this, is the type of person he is.