m04greeneyes Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 If you are certain why the relationship ended, you are already started fixing the issues you have (for my own happiness), and know for sure your ex loves you very deeply but had to make the decision to leave so we could fix ourselves...is it possible to get them back in due time? Link to comment
BONO Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 The answer is Yes & NO. Remember though once the break occurs there are hundreds of things you can do that will secure that separation in your ex's mind. This is why NC is effective and by doing nothing, nothing can go wrong . Link to comment
jeremyy Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Did you fight for them initially or did you just let them go? Link to comment
m04greeneyes Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 I fought for them initially for about a week...when we met up last I gave one last fight but she wasnt having it...I told her I understand gave her a hug and kiss and her forehead and said good bye. I am starting the strict NC now. Link to comment
lady00 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Anything is possible but I wouldn't expect anything. Even if you fix the issues and those are the issues that ended the relationship, experiences in a particular relationship shape the way that someone feels about you to the point where behavior affects feelings and once those feelings are gone they may never come back. You make a lot of assumptions in your post, like that you know all of the real reasons for the breakup and that you know how the other person feels about you. This may all be true but keep in mind that when someone breaks up with you they may not say (or even know) all of the reasons for it. Your logic is (1) your issues ended the relationship (2) issues fixed (3) get back together. That may not be her logic. Often times when someone ends a relationship, they do not follow that line of reasoning. They just know they are unhappy and need to leave. And they don't necessarily care about the other person's assurances that they have changed (even if they can see the changes for themselves). And usually in a relationship, it's the dynamic that is off between the two people. It's generally not one person's fault (unless there was abuse). Link to comment
BONO Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Anything is possible but I wouldn't expect anything. Even if you fix the issues and those are the issues that ended the relationship, experiences in a particular relationship shape the way that someone feels about you to the point where behavior affects feelings and once those feelings are gone they may never come back. You make a lot of assumptions in your post, like that you know all of the real reasons for the breakup and that you know how the other person feels about you. This may all be true but keep in mind that when someone breaks up with you they may not say (or even know) all of the reasons for it. You cant apply logic to emotion ! Link to comment
m04greeneyes Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 I hear what you are saying but I do know...we were crazy in love and not even 2 months ago we took a road trip to see my mom bc she wanted to meet her so badly. We looked tons of baby pics of me all her choice...she took pics and posted them on fb commenting on everyone how much she loves and adores me. She left bc she is weak herself and just couldnt be here for me right now, she did put up a fight for me and in June told me she cannot be hurt by me again. And recently I hurt her. She mentioned a few times in the past week that she needs me to stand on my on 2 feet & needs to see that for herself. I was very dependent on her and realized I have codependency issues. I am starting the 12 step support group tonight. I truly believe that we are meant to be and can have another chance in due time. Link to comment
leq Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 No and yes and maybe Subject to terms and conditions, offer avaliability and stock levels. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Who knows. No one can predict what another person may or may not do. Just because you were in love at one point. maybe head over heals in love, doesn't mean a thing. People change their minds all the time. And usually when people say they were really in love it's the dumpee who says that. The dumper has a much different take on that. Link to comment
ngu11 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Your logic is (1) your issues ended the relationship (2) issues fixed (3) get back together. That may not be her logic. Often times when someone ends a relationship, they do not follow that line of reasoning. They just know they are unhappy and need to leave. And they don't necessarily care about the other person's assurances that they have changed (even if they can see the changes for themselves). And usually in a relationship, it's the dynamic that is off between the two people. It's generally not one person's fault (unless there was abuse). This is brilliant! The answer to your question, yes it is possible... there are just so many other factors involved. Can you give a little more info...like why you broke up, how long you've been broken up, what the current situation is with you and your ex etc....then you may also get some more tailored advice! Link to comment
m04greeneyes Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 ngu11 - we were together for almost 2 years, lived together since october...she left 2 Monday's ago. We broke up b/c of my codependency & insecurity issues. I started seeing a therapist in May and just came to the realization of all of my issues. She knows me and knows I am a great person that adores her but needs to see me stand on my own 2 feet. I know damn well she loves me and this is hurting her as well. But she feels like this is the best for us until we get back on track with fixing our issues. We are being very nice and civil to each other. She bought me a cat and is going to be the one who takes care of him when I am away on weekends. She still has a key to our apt, like I said we've are very civil and understanding of all of this. We are both very good & smart people. I am going to focus on making me a better happier person and have much faith we will reunite again. Link to comment
ngu11 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Sounds all good...maybe a little psychological distance and more time apart will do wonders. Your plan to work on you is the exact way you want to go and I for one have confidence that you can get back together. Let your faith drive you to focus on you mate Link to comment
m04greeneyes Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 Thanks for the support! I am smart and know this won't happen over night and just b/c we aren't together doesn't mean I have to stop fighting. Just need to keep the fight to myself. Link to comment
Etijor Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I learnt this myself recently, the only way to ever win them back is to let them go. Let them experience life without you, show how awesome and resilient you are and move on with it. Link to comment
Etijor Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Thanks for the support! I am smart and know this won't happen over night and just b/c we aren't together doesn't mean I have to stop fighting. Just need to keep the fight to myself. It sounds like the ultimate irony but the best thing you can do is let go. While your letting go keeping to yourself is always good as it stops you making a fool of yourself. Ive had a few breakups over the years and things have told me that its best just to sever the connection and move on. For them to leave you they have made up their mind and this doesn't change fast. Often times it will take many years and new partners along the way for them to see what they had. Link to comment
m04greeneyes Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 That's my plan Eitjor...like I said in my posts I am focusing on making myself happy inside and out! Link to comment
endy Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Yup the best thing to do is to give it 6 months to a year. Let go, stand back on your feet and love yourself. Be at the point where you are ready for another relationship, even with another person. You've addressed all of those issues and you love yourself. You're no longer thinking about her constantly and wanting her back. You're ok with or without her. Then, and only then should you contact her. Link to comment
jeepman41 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I don't know if it's possible to "win" somebody back. Sounds like they are some type of trophy. You have to understand when someone breaks up with you it signifies they don't want you and they don't want a relationship with you. At that point they no longer view you as a love interest, a romantic or sexual partner. The ties have been severed. Best to use NC and work on whatever issues you have so you can become a better you for the next relationship. You don't want the old relationship. You want a new relationship with your former lover. In this case the person knows you, so you have an advantage or disadvantage. Basically you are the type of person they have fallen for before. In order to get this person back you have to reattract them. It will be different this time around. But if this person hasn't changed then you will be getting back the same person. Are you prepared to face this possibility? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I dont think you can win anyone back, they left for a reason. They DO come back when they meet a moron, or had bad experiences, but thats not really winning. All my ex's came back, i notice the faster i didnt care, the faster they came back. Though I moaned and cried like a punk and they still came back. Note, I am talking maaaaany months! Now I have an ex, top 2 of all women I have ever been with, and i cant stand her attempts to get back with me. I would sleep with her if i wanted, but thats it. Its just when someone leaves I start to build a hatred for them, and it remains forever (even tho i barely remember the break up, lol). The more break ups the more I narrow what i want, and i do not want to go backwards. Link to comment
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