dark angel9 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 My boyfriend of 6 months is coming back from his overseas trip in 2 days. He has been away for 4 weeks. He has kept in regular contact and all that was fine. But even though he says that he misses me and can't wait to hold me, at the same time he has been moaning that his trip is already over and wishes it lasted longer. He is also saying to me (and via his statuses on FBook) how much he doesn't want to return back to "Reality". Reality includes going back to work too, but it also includes going back to the girl he supposedly loves so much. I just can't seem to grasp the concept of him almost dreading his return if he loves me as much as he says. I mean it's been 4 weeks - he should be dying to see me by now. I am thinking of telling him that this is hurting my feelings. Good idea? Bad idea? Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Exactly. Do you think I should break up with him over this? I don't want to over-react, but if he truly sees me that way then I don't want to be with him. I think I will bring it up, perhaps it will open up a discussion that will lead to a break up. Link to comment
catcountry Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I don't think this has anything to do with you. My daughter is away at camp for a week and regardless of how much I miss her...her coming home is "back to reality" Being away overseas for 4 weeks is huge. How often does it happen? I'm sure he misses you quite a bit but having to come home to the daily grind sucks. Don't hold it against him...he's been in contact the whole time. Link to comment
catcountry Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Exactly. Do you think I should break up with him over this? I don't want to over-react, but if he truly sees me that way then I don't want to be with him. I think I will bring it up, perhaps it will open up a discussion that will lead to a break up. What? What a minor thing to break up over. Maybe you are looking for a reasdon to break up. Link to comment
Celadon Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 He sounds a bit self-centered, but I'm not sure it's something to break up over. I can understand not wanting to get back to reality after a four-week vacation. It sounds like he's told you he's looking forward to seeing you, so if you're just offended that he's not 100 percent happy about coming back, I would cut him some slack. I may not be the best person to be replying to you on this topic, though. This reminds me a bit too much of how my ex went on a study abroad and then I joined him for a visit and he had totally gotten "into" his little world and didn't seem to want people to know I was his gf. I should have broken up with him over it (I didn't; big mistake), but I think in your case, you can try to be understanding of him not wanting to return to reality -- so long as he shows enough enthusiasm for you when you see him face-to-face. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 He tells me privately that he can't wait to see me, that he loves me, can't wait to hug me and kiss me. Then he posts a status on Fbook; "Two more days left in paradise, then back to reality... - someone comments "I have 2 more weeks left" - he responds "Wow, lucky you... Enjoy it for me please and make the most of it, it all goes by too quick then I decided to respond in a flirty way: "I can make your reality better " - he responded "Aww cute.. well you already do. But I look forward to more " Another thing is: should I even bring it up that it hurt my feelings or just let it slide? I don't want to cause drama or conflict but on the other hand I don't want to be a doormat. I am also worried that I will just come accross as insecure. It's like he says or does things with little consideration for me. This is not the first time he has hurt my feelings like that. I am starting to think that this may be a deal-breaker... The longer we are together, the more he does this. Link to comment
catcountry Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Do not bring it up. This is a 4 week vacation. How thrilled would you be about coming home from that? What he says on FB is just general crap. He loves and misses you and he can't wait to see you but that doesn't mean that he is looking forward to "back to the daily grind". Those statements have nothing to do with you. You not saying anything doean't make you a doormat. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I think you are over-reacting. Most people I meet who have gone away on a long vacation, also dread coming back home to the same old same old grind. It has to do with the fun and excitement of being away, seeing new things, new places, new experiences..then you come home and it is the same old work problems, coming home, doing laundry, getting the grocery, paying the bills and the usual life stuff that is not nearly as exciting as traveling and seeing the world. You are personalizing something that is not directed at you..it is about a natural reaction to a vacation coming to a close. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Perhaps I am different then...daily grind with someone I love is better than best vacation in the world alone... I guess most people are just not that romantic or care as much Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Perhaps I am different then...daily grind with someone I love is better than best vacation in the world alone... I guess most people are just not that romantic or care as much You are taking it too literally and too personally. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 He has been in paradise for four weeks and now he is coming home. Heck yeah I'm be bummed, even if I had the greatest guy in the world waiting for me! Some people will see it your way and some people will think like me. One hint: It doesn't mean he doesn't love you to tears, in fact his comments had nothing to do with you, that had to do with going back to work. Say nothing or you will sound very insecure and clingy. Link to comment
dark angel9 Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I took your advice and didn't send him that message. He just texted me "Boarding my flight right now. See you soon my love!" Link to comment
elcie Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Be prepared for the probability that he is going to find it hard to get back into the swing of things. But if you are understanding and patient, I'm sure things will get back to normal soon. Link to comment
ApocalypseDreams Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I don't think you should make a bigger deal out of this. It's unnecessary, he's told you so many times how much he's missed you etc. His ideal scenario is probably escaping reality and going somewhere with you. Link to comment
giubilante Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Hmmm... Well, I definitely think you should let him know how you feel. I've been on extended trips too and, as much as I long to be home with my family, there is often the dread of getting 'back into the grind', especially if one has had an amazing trip. And, believe it or not, sometimes the longer the trip, the further removed from reality one gets... meaning that the prospect of getting 'back into the grind' becomes even more daunting rather than less. I don't think you will come accross as insecure if you discuss this provided you tell him in a matter of fact way, rather than an accusatory or poor me fashion (not suggesting that you are likely to do either, but simply saying). Just tell him that it hurt you, and you simply wanted him to know. You say he does things with little consideration for you. Have you told him so at the time? I get the impression that you may not have, especially since this hurt your feelings and you are questioning whether to even mention it. If you don't tell him he is hurting you, how is he supposed to know? Like it or not, guys are NOT mind readers and don't often pick up on subtle hints. I am hoping that, if you communicate better, you may find that his hurting you is simply a lack of knowledge, perspective, and insight on his part, rather than an intent to hurt. And, if he's a guy worth keeping around, he will want to work with you on these issues. And I agree with some of the others, you are personalizing something NOT directed at you. He has said how much he wants to be with you, hold you, and kiss you! That is directed at YOU, and that is the message he is trying to convey to YOU. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Another thing is: should I even bring it up that it hurt my feelings or just let it slide? I don't want to cause drama or conflict but on the other hand I don't want to be a doormat. I am also worried that I will just come accross as insecure. It's like he says or does things with little consideration for me. This is not the first time he has hurt my feelings like that. I am starting to think that this may be a deal-breaker... The longer we are together, the more he does this. I think you have to accept that sometimes your feelings aren't reasonable. I'm sorry, but they aren't. It's not rational to personalize this, as others have pointed out. Instead of doing the inner work to work on your insecurities, you want HIM to fix YOUR feelings. Personally, I think you SHOULD consider ending the relatonship if you don't learn how to get more control over your emotions. Now don't get me wrong, you can't help how you feel but it doesn't make it his job to make you feel better. Hmmm... Well, I definitely think you should let him know how you feel. I've been on extended trips too and, as much as I long to be home with my family, there is often the dread of getting 'back into the grind', especially if one has had an amazing trip. And, believe it or not, sometimes the longer the trip, the further removed from reality one gets... meaning that the prospect of getting 'back into the grind' becomes even more daunting rather than less. I don't think you will come accross as insecure if you discuss this provided you tell him in a matter of fact way, rather than an accusatory or poor me fashion (not suggesting that you are likely to do either, but simply saying). Just tell him that it hurt you, and you simply wanted him to know. Really, what good does it do to say ... "Hey you hurt me ... FYI." It has little productive meaning in my mind. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Since when did it become personally offensive that people bemoan the thought of their vacations ending? lol--I'm sorry, but this is just too much. As others have stated, these feelings you're having are just irrational and unreasonable. It's a classic symptom of the "Everything is about me" complex. It allows a person to turn "My boyfriend is sad that his vacation is almost over" into "My boyfriend must not want to see me and is being incosiderate towards my feelings!" It's just a very wild leap. I would advise keeping very close attention to thought processes like this, otherwise you will self-sabotage your relationships every time. Link to comment
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