Wants sex, but won't make me a priority..at an impasse...

[lilxcutie53]

Oh my, disregard... 90% of what I said. I didn't know he cheated.

 

At the beginning..your goin to disregard everything because something that happened 2 years ago...? They didn't even have sex..they just made out apparently...and she ended up having sex with his friend that same night. and to be honest I'll say I really don't think he cared back then and he admitted it to me that he really didn't, after that all happened...if you truly didnt care about someone...you wouldnt try and make it better after doing something horrible...you would just leave...like I said..no guy would waste their time trying to figure out a relationship if they don't care..agreed..? your a dude..you dont just date people for the hell of it..and want to work on thigs for kicks and giggles.

[annie24]

I wouldn't disregard everything hex said because of the cheating 2 years ago. you made the choice and stay and work through the relationship problems. at some point, you either have to break up, or forgive them and move on, you know? you chose to move on.

 

I'd be very interested to hear his side of the story.

[lilxcutie53]

I wouldn't disregard everything hex said because of the cheating 2 years ago. you made the choice and stay and work through the relationship problems. at some point, you either have to break up, or forgive them and move on, you know? you chose to move on.

 

I'd be very interested to hear his side of the story.

 

I have forgiven him, but you know its hard not to forget. I;d like to hear his too.

[tresqua]

were you two officially together when he cheated?

 

We were together for about a month and half and things were really * * * * ty then because I was always available..and just really wanted to be with him, but as time went on..I think he was really shameful for what he done because everything got better after that.

 

You didn't answer the question.

[lilxcutie53]

Oh yeah. We were official. Facebook and all

[Ms Darcy]

I take back most of what I said too. You know these minor details are important!

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting sex from somewhere else when he gets distant with you ... I'm not quite buying that he's had a two-year drought.

[lilxcutie53]

I take back most of what I said too. You know these minor details are important!

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting sex from somewhere else when he gets distant with you ... I'm not quite buying that he's had a two-year drought.

 

Ehh..if he ever did cheat again he wouldn't have sex with someone..he's doesn't really know how to talk to girls and he's only had sex with like 5 people and they are people he was either talking to or dating. He's not really a macho man...its kinda sad, but I still love em, but he acts like a * * * * * sometimes..and hes really senstitive. He's not one to get with the ladies.. and to this day he still doesn't think he cheated because he didn't initate it and thats still not an excuse, but whatever.

 

His friends also don't have friends that are girls or have girlfriends..atleast the ones back home..his roommates had gfs, but their friends all had bfs....soo...

 

I also wasn't surprised that he did what he did with the girl that he did it with...because they were kinda friends and would party over the summer, but she told me that even then they never hooked up. And she told me that she wasn't surprised that she tried to kiss him when it did happen, but then she had sex with his friend..so shes a * * * * * ..

 

He also hasn;'t shown signs of it cheating again either...when it happened I noticed that he started acting realyl sweet towards me, like one time i told him i was going over to his house to hang out, but he eneded up calling me and told me he was just gonna come over to mine which he had never done before. He started treating me to things..like buying me ice cream, etc. At that point he only paid for 2 dates we went on before dating..and he just acted really good..which are pure signs of cheating, because you feel guilty.

 

The only reasons he was ever distant in the past was because when we would get in a fight, we both didn't know what to do and neither one of us wanted to be the mature person and come out and talk about the situation....then finally someone would and we would talk about what was going on. We both obviosuly didn't like that so now when we have an issue about something we bring it up right away.

 

And when he was distant yesterday...I was feeeling really insecure, but we ended up texting all day long so and hung out later last night so it was fine.

[tresqua]

Ehh..if he ever did cheat again he wouldn't have sex with someone..

 

Please. You can't possibly know if he'll cheat on you again and the statistics don't favor you. The expression "once a cheater always a cheater" has a basis in fact. He has defined himself as the type of person who won't honor a commitment and who will deceive and who will expose his partner to potentially life threatening risks of an STD. That doesn't suddenly "go away".

 

to this day he still doesn't think he cheated because he didn't initate it

 

He doesn't even consider what he did to be cheating for what is a completely bogus reason. Sure he won't "cheat" on you again, next time the sexual intercourse with another woman won't count because it was on a Tuesday or it was raining or something.

 

He also hasn;'t shown signs of it cheating again either...when it happened I noticed that he started acting realyl sweet towards me..which are pure signs of cheating, because you feel guilty.

 

Ah, so you're convinced he won't cheat but you are watching for the signs anyway..? You have concluded that if he doesn't show the signs, then it's all good. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he just got BETTER AT IT?

 

And when he was distant yesterday...I was feeeling really insecure, but we ended up texting all day long so and hung out later last night so it was fine.

 

So you have some bad days, which are your fault because you were insecure, then a good day with a lot of texting so everything is great? Look at the overall picture not one DAY.

[lilxcutie53]

I will admit I am very bad at that..I tend to look at things day by day, but it doesn't make me a bad person...its just a sign of insecurity and being insecure isn't a bad thing...I wouldn't believe for one second that you don't have 1 bit of insecurity in you...

 

And I am learning to look at the over all picture..and my friends tell me he is a really good boyfriend, just selfish sometimes, but anyways they say i sometimes just need to chill

[hrtlsngl7]

Hey lilxcutie53, google...Codependant/codependancy. I detect that in you. Take care. Good luck.

[The_Seeker]

To be honest, it's your choice if you want to keep your virginity until you're married. You do what you want. If the person that you're with wants to have intimacy with you but you have some of "hunch" that tells you not to. Then don't. Simple as that. Yea he will leave if he says he's not getting what he wants. LOL If you're Megan Fox, might be different, I bet. Ha ha. My bro and I joked about this.

 

You follow your own rules. Not society's standards. If you feel pressure, then you know you are not ready.

 

All I know is you might feel like you missed out if you end up saving your virginity for marriage. That's what I've been told. Ha ha I'm still a virgin anyway and I'm 23. But if you're content of being a virgin until marriage, that's great.

 

LOL I don't know if your husband would be WICKED happy that you're a virgin or freaked out.

[Dezireey]

Reading through your other posts and primarily from your first post, I think you need to make a big decision about this 'no sex' thing. It looks like you are going down the route of the simple mantra 'no sex before marriage' which is a sentence often used and often understood by many, for religious reasons or otherwise. Your reasons for no sex are just a bit blurred if you ask me. In one post I just detect and air of fear about having sex ( one would expect this if you were a virgin), in another post its about trusting your guy, in another you give the impression its your way of keeping him or controlling him....etc, etc. I think you need to clarify for YOU, no-one else, why you won't have sex with a guy you love after two years of dating. If I were him I'd be crazy confused with you right now.

 

Simply put - If you wish this relationship to progress onto another more intimate, loving level then I'm afraid dear, human nature encourages us males and females to make love in order to bond / mate / show love - call it what you want.

 

The very thing you are seeking (more love, approval, commitment etc) can actually be achieved by getting intimate with your guy. If there is no way on earth you want to do this unless you have a ring on your finger then stick by the convinction of no sex before marriage please, stop confusing yourself and him. Stop dithering and messing this guy about. I assure you, at the age of 37 and with a few relationships under my belt, I know for a fact that a man that stays with you for 2 years (regardless of what he is like with the ladies, shy etc)with no sex is with you because he has 'loving feelings' for you. I don't think you have the slightest clue how physically difficult it is for a man to be emotionally intimate with a woman he fancies (even cuddling) and not have sex with her for two years. Give the guy a bloody break here.