treated like a 13 yr old or even younger

[joe45]

if u guys already now i am a 23 yr old male well i'm chinese if it makes any cultural sense. I want to get to now this girl i like from school before but is scared b/c my folks wouln't like the idea or even allow me to go out at night time. this is after 7 pm or even 6, so what do u tell ur date -she'll probably laugh.

i get treated like a 13 yr old- in the morning i pour a glass of sprite(pop) and mom saw this and physically removed my glass of pop and said no drinking pop in the morning-its sugarly and this and that and now it is the afternoon she allowed me to drink it. i am so sick and tired of this what do i do.

 

i want to move out after i find a good job but isn;t rent expensive how do u guys manage or how much should i make before i can even pay rent. this is not just me but my other siblings too who are all in their early 20's, i think my folks aren't going to change be it i turn 30 or 40. what do i do for a short term solution

[american dream]

Check out online roommate matching services like "link removed", or "link removed". They have both found me some good leads and they let you see who you are getting hooked up with.

 

Rent can be expensive, but not nearly as expensive as not getting dates because your folks treat you like a 8 year old. Yeah, they aren't even treating you like a 13 year old. When I was 13 I had more freedom than you have now. It is a cultural thing I think. I speak to a lot of Asian families in my line of work and I find that they do tend to stay together as a family unit much longer than American or European families. It is not unusual for Asians to live in the family unit well into their 30's (I base this on the fact that in my line of work I am required to ask about any family members living in a persons house; I work in insurance).

 

I live in a big city (Phoenix) so the rent here may be higher or lower than where you are, but you didn't specify. I spend about $300 to $400 a month for rent. That is the average range for renting a room I have had for the last 7 years (I moved out when I was 17). Utilities will be like $50, then phone/cell phone, maybe $40, and if you have cable it is generally $50, with all the utilities being split between however many roommates you have.

 

Hope those figures help a bit.

[abcd1234]

Hi joe45,

 

It certainly sounds like your parents are treating you like a child, perhaps if would be beneficial for you to discuss this matter with them. Make it clear that you do not want to be treated in this way as you are 23 years old and can do things for yourself.

 

You really need the freedom and it sounds like your parents are holding you back socially, it is time for them to let you experience life, you are a grown up after all!

 

Let them know how you feel and they should be understanding.

abcd1234

[kungfumaster]

Joe dude,

 

Being of asian decent myself and having "overbearing" parents, I understand where you are coming from. The only solution is to move out - period. They are who they are, our parents parent's were like that to - you cannot change them. That's the only way they know how to parent, and being that they are probably pretty old already, you cannot hope to change them. With time, they will mellow out, but their need to "parent" will be there for the rest of our lives. But you can change yourself.

 

Yah - start researching for "descent" paying jobs and affordable apartments. Then, hopefully, after you've got a job, you've already found an affordable apartment (with roomates possibly), and you can start living a life.

 

Good luck and take care.

Kung fu

[vimora]

Hi,

 

Well, I'm of Asian descent too though born here. My parents have always been the most overbearing and overprotective parents our of all my friends and I resented them for it. I'm 22 now and though they are still overprotective it's better now. When I 12 was in high school they used to call the police if I wasn't home by 6PM. But every year I would purposely stay later and laterm even with the lectures and the yelling I'd continue. Now I can come home at 3 or 4 in the morning without any comments, though I only do it every so often as I know they don't like it and I'd still like to keep some of the peace. It also helped that when I was 16 I decided to go and get a job every summer and did so up until now, the financial freedom, not having to approach your parents for going out money is something priceless. I also acted responsibly at home, did my chores took care of my siblings (who are now 12 and 13 and enjoy so much more freedom than I ever did- but I'm happy because I'm the one pushing my parents to let them go out), I did my homework, brought home the grades, and manage money and other resposibilties on my own, am pretty much a good girl and known as the dependable one amongst the relatives so that in the end letting me go party or out often was a good compromise. My dad is the biggest problem, I don't think he even knows I'm dating. My entire family grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles knows I have a persian boyfriend (of almost three years) and I thought he knew but apparently he's in denial or something. My mom approves of the relationship so that's cool. I don't discuss it with dad since he'd probably disown me. Anyway, he's the strict one, but since I've forced his hand on the going out and letting me have more freedom he's stepped back some. Although, I think both my parents would blanch at me going on a trip somewhere without them even for one night if it's not for school. Let's just say, we're still working on that .

 

Now on the other hand, my brother who justed turned 22 in July, I'll be 23 in Sept. does not go out, does not work (all $$ from parents and relatives) is complaining about difficulty in the dating department. Mostly that it's too expensive to have a girlfriend. So if you don't have one, it's time to get yourself a job maybe. Part-time of course, you know we Asian families put school first.

 

Anyway, good luck with this, hope this helps some.

[joe45]

wowo being a girl and of asian descent ur folks allow u to go out till 3 or 4 am woow.

ur parents want u bro to have a gf- really my folks are like finish school get the money lots of money then the chinese girl would all want u you wouldn;t even have to chase after em they chase after u-i'm like ah mom ain't that the hookers lol. i for one want a gf but folks are like NO . maybe i should tell my folks i'm gay lol-even though i am not. hmm how can i make em sure or have em think i was gay-hmm act femine, dress in rainbow..... maybe they'll be like oh go go go go get a gf lol

 

ur mom approves of ur non aisan bf-woow nice my parents would kill me and harass me all day all long if u bought home a non chinese gf oh ya she gotta be very traditional too, yea like i am lol.

[Just A Teen]

Dude,

serously move out...Thats some serous crap i would lay it down that you are 23 and you have been a legalized adult for more then 5 years now and that you can do whatever you want...im 15, and i have to be home by 9 and i think thats crap so... Oh and about your date problem don't do a night date then even though those are the best go during the day for lunch....Thats the only thing i can think of that or break the rules.. come on your 23!!!

[joe45]

thanks guys for some great feedback.

i just taking the rules, controlling parents and dictatorship right now, as i am a student finishing my 2 yr business management dilpoma. i might even go for another 2 yr for a degree, guess more education means more money.

finish my school i am moving out rent or maybe even saving up for a house or apartment, if so out of the city if within the city at least a 1hr drive from my folks.

i don;t hate em just need independence

 

 

Dude,

serously move out...Thats some serous crap i would lay it down that you are 23 and you have been a legalized adult for more then 5 years now and that you can do whatever you want...im 15, and i have to be home by 9 and i think thats crap so... Oh and about your date problem don't do a night date then even though those are the best go during the day for lunch....Thats the only thing i can think of that or break the rules.. come on your 23!!!

[G0d]

Hey Joe,

 

I don't know were you live but I will guess in the US. This is what you do go to the library and look up news storys of controling parents that were killd by there child because they were so controling. Print some of these up and leave them in random places around the house. Places your parents will find them. They will get the hint, unless they are brain dead.

 

 

[abcd1234]

look up news storys of controling parents that were killd by there child because they were so controling. Print some of these up and leave them in random places around the house

I dont suggest that you do this, it could easily provoke them to confront you and then possibly tighten the rules even more. It could also be seen as some sort of threat.

 

abcd1234