What difference does it make to accept vs. beg/plead/cry?

[Tryptophan]

Do you think accepting it makes the breakup easier to deal with or do you think it's actually bottling up all the hurt inside? By accepting it, I mean not trying to get back with them.

[biggestdork]

They say you should let your ex know about how you really feel initially then after that you have to accept that there is nothing else that can be done... From that point on the begging/pleading/crying wont really make any difference. The sooner you accept the reality and try to move on, the better. Why waste time when you can be working on yourself

[wicked6018]

don't let them see you cry. then, they have won. begging/pleading won't help a bit. all you can do is accept it. anyone who makes you cry isn't worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

[hexaemeron]

Begging just makes one look pathetic, which further cements the resolve the dumper already has in the decision to leave. Emotional manipulation is not the basis for a solid, mature relationship.

[Eocsor]

You're going to hurt like heck no matter what so you might as well go out with dignity.

[browneyedgirl36]

Begging just makes one look pathetic, which further cements the resolve the dumper already has in the decision to leave. Emotional manipulation is not the basis for a solid, mature relationship.

 

Yep...it's hard NOT to cry, particularly if you're an emotional person to begin with, but I've learned over the years that being as calm and accepting as possible is the way to go. Obviously, acting happy about the whole thing when you're not is nearly impossible, but a little dignity goes a long way -- not so much because of what the dumper might think, but because of what you will think of yourself when you walk away and later down the road when the break-up crosses your mind. The last thing I want to do is look back on a break-up and cringe when I think of how I handled it when it happened!

 

I think the whole "agree with the breakup" thing is a bit transparent (a lot of those "Get Your Ex Back" books advocate this, apparently), and a dumper is probably going to catch on that you're just acting. However, showing acceptance (and respect for yourself and the other person) by avoiding begging, trying to convince them they're making a mistake, etc. -- is a win-win. In my case, I have to work with an ex, and I can say from experience that handling it in a calm, dignified manner has gone a LONG way toward avoiding some serious awkwardness in the workplace. In fact, my ex commented once, significantly after the breakup, that he was impressed with how I handled myself, how I dealt with my feelings on my own and didn't dump them all on him and expect him to fix them. Yeah, I cried -- hell, I wept. But I didn't do it in front of him.

[ChellyV]

just move on quietly and immerse on healing sources like friends and family, activities and self development.

 

if it gives you the satisfaction to beg, then go ahead do so. but express your sentiments only once. if you get no for an answer, move on.

[lemsip]

I'm of the opinion you do what you have to do, even if it seems pathetic to others on these boards. At least then you know yourself you did all you could.

 

But then, accept it.

[hazelnut321]

I'm of the opinion you do what you have to do, even if it seems pathetic to others on these boards. At least then you know yourself you did all you could.

 

But then, accept it.

 

I gotta disagree Lemsip. Begging/crying never works and you lose your pride along with the torturous pain. Ugh!

I think you should try to remain calm, but don't hesitate to let them know how much you're going to miss them. But tell them that you understand- then do your damnedest to go total NC.

[lemsip]

I gotta disagree Lemsip. Begging/crying never works and you lose your pride along with the torturous pain. Ugh!

I think you should try to remain calm, but don't hesitate to let them know how much you're going to miss them. But tell them that you understand- then do your damnedest to go total NC.

 

I guess this is what I meant. I just don't like the idea that many people on this board say to go NC straight away without making sure before you do you've let the other party know how much you'll miss them.

 

To read the actual title again, yeah begging won't do much (any) good. But I still do think the other party should be in no doubt as to how you feel. At least then you know you've made your feelings perfectly clear.

[lalalollipops]

You ex will respect you more. You lose dignity and look really pathetic when you beg.

[Tryptophan]

Thanks for the comments.

 

I do know the pathetic vs dignified difference but I just wondered what difference it made in the actual healing process. In the long run, you'll feel you left the relationship with dignity but during the healing process, doesn't it make it harder to just bottle up all that pain? It does seem like the best option for what they'll think (and certainly to avoid awkward moments), but it seems a difficult way for the healing process. Has anyone done both?

 

I think the suggestion of someone that posted of letting them know how much you'll miss them is fine, even crying is fine (not a river in front of them but showing some emotion), but going against their decision might come off as disrespectful, right? I think someone who accepts it has more chances of actually having their ex get back with them and having it last for it would be their decision—not a forced action out of pity.

 

Begging/pleading might actually do the opposite and just make the ex run away even more, reassuring them of why they don't want to be with the dumpee in the first place. If they remember your good qualities then I think it might increase the odds for reconciliation—if it ever was in the picture, anyway.

[dolorosa]

I'm of the opinion you do what you have to do, even if it seems pathetic to others on these boards. At least then you know yourself you did all you could.

 

But then, accept it.

 

Totally agree with you.... I did everything I wanted to do, begginng, crying, took me knowhere but I had to do it. I let myself say what I was feeling at the moment, and took exactly two months... did my ex come back? NO, does he thinks I am pathetic? perhaps, but I can honestly say that I feel much better now and recovering faster than I thought it was posible.

 

By no means I am saying is for everyone, but we know deep inside what is best for us, despite what people tell you. If somebody loves you enough to see and accept they made a mistake by leaving you, they will come back even if you beg, cry, etc. In the other hand if their decision is final then nothing you do will matter.

[Snuggly]

I am a big believer in doing what feels right. I told him how much I loved him and how heartbroken I was. And I refused to let my ex get off with no guilt or pain. I sucked up too much pain when we were together, I wanted him to know what an ahole he was. Then could let it go and move on. But hey, thats just me. Let it out and move on.