wicked6018 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 the very fact that i am posting in "breaking up" is ripping my heart out. it's been three days since the big fight, and i guess we officially broke up yesterday. i am so confused by the things he said. it's like he wants to break up but kind of wants to keep me around. i don't know whether to give up hope or hold on. so, so confused and i wish he would just put it plainly for me. i went to work today and to my class. i was able to get through them with a fake smile on my face; no one even knew anything was wrong with me. with my family, it is not that case at all. i don't want to be anywhere near any of them. i don't want to be hugged. i don't want to talk about it. i get mad if my mom even says "hey" to me. i don't want any interaction whatsoever. it's like i just want to go away to a desert island until this pain is gone. i'm sick of my mom trying to force me to eat. i have hardly eaten in almost four days, and i know it's bad, but i'm just too depressed to eat. is it normal to take out the pain/anger/grief on your family??? i know it isn't their fault at all, so i don't know why i am. Link to comment
endy Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Yes it is, It's a part of the cycle of abandonment, actually the rage stage. That's what we go through when we are dumped or someone we love steps out of our life. It's similar to grief but worse because you know they can still be contacted and are still there. Just try to stay NC and knock the ex off the pedestal they are on. You don't need to examine the why's. Just try to accept that it is over and start NC now. Try reading the guide at the end of my signature. If you want a book to help read The journey from abandonment to healing by Susan Anderson. The best way to deal with all your feelings right now is not keeping them in. Talk to someone, sit in your room and cry. Do whatever you need to right now besides contact them/ jump to another relationship. What you are going through is normal and it will get better. If you understand more of what you are going through, it's easier to get through. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 thanks. my mom just came into my room and tried to talk to me, and asked if i needed anything to drink, and i went ballistic. i got so mad and said "i can take care of myself." i just don't want to talk to any of my family!!!! i have not contacted him at all today but it is so hard. he was all i had besides my family, and i just want him. together two years, engaged nine months of that, then he suddenly doesn't know what he wants. how is my heart supposed to ever be put back together? how am i ever supposed to smile or be happy again? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I would not suggest alienating your family when they are only trying to help you. Your family is with you forever and they love you. If you can not open up to them who can you open up to? They are trying to support you. Even if I snapped at my mother at my age I would be put firmly in my place. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I would not suggest alienating your family when they are only trying to help you. Your family is with you forever and they love you. If you can not open up to them who can you open up to? They are trying to support you. Even if I snapped at my mother at my age I would be put firmly in my place. This. Don't take your anger out on people who care about you. You will deeply regret it later. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 i was just looking for some answers as to WHY i might be doing this : ( maybe because i feel like they will always be around??? i don't know : ( i can't say anything to them i am so depressed right now Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Why you are doing it is because right now you are totally wrapped up in your own troubles. This leads to treating other people badly. Think of it this way, if your mother had something bad happening in her life that had nothing to do with you, would you like her screaming at you because you asked how she was? Think about it. You are not using reasoning. Even if people are always going to be around it does not mean we should abuse them if something happens in our life. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 i'm not screaming at them, i'm just in a very sad mood/can't talk to them. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 i think part of it is that i just don't even want to be around them because they are really worried about me and i don't want them to see me so upset/crying/depressed because i know it worries them Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Well you said you went "ballistic", I assume that means screaming. They have a right to worry about you though, they are your family. It is what they are there for. You will feel MUCH better if you share this with them and recover far quicker if you do as well. Every parent has a story of their own heart break and they do understand. Recently my son came to me in tears, ( he is 13) and he cried telling me that the girl he loves is moving away. I was so honoured that he shared that with me and I was able to make him feel much better and I am sure your mother can too. Being with people helps depression go away. Let your family support you. Link to comment
Mellie Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 i was just looking for some answers as to WHY i might be doing this : ( maybe because i feel like they will always be around??? i don't know : ( i can't say anything to them i am so depressed right now I was the same. I was the same because they weren't asking me if I was ok, rather than asking me too much!! I had a proper hissy fit on my mum. She told me she hadn't brought it up because she didn't know what to say (because in the past when she did try to say anything, it would bring about the same response!). You know, they really can't win. When someone dumps on us, we tend to dump on those we lean on, but it isn't fair now is it? You may feel the temporary relief of getting some of your anger out, but that's soon replaced by guilt. A better way is to get yourself down the gym. Beat the crap out of a punchbag or two. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 i was just looking for some answers as to WHY i might be doing this : ( maybe because i feel like they will always be around??? i don't know : ( i can't say anything to them i am so depressed right now Because you're unwilling to exercise self control, and because you feel lousy you're acting out to take everyone else down with you as you push yourself down an even deeper hole. If you think this will make you feel 'better,' think again. You'll only pile guilt on top of everything else and really screw yourself up. If you want to feel 'better,' try being kind. Don't make everything about 'me' and extend yourself to be thoughtful and caring toward your mother and the rest of your family. Since you can never UNdo any damage you cause when you hurt someone else, make the decision to avoid causing harm. You will thank yourself later. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Agree with Victoria and Cat. You are acting out with the folks who won't "get confused" and "not know what they want." They will always love you. Please don't forget that. Be grateful for that. So many people are alone in life after a breakup. Link to comment
endy Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I agree but it might be deeper than that. I'de still read the book the journey from abandonment to healing by Susan Anderson You might be suprised what you find inside of yourself. Link to comment
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