is my bf being a jerk?

[goddess23]

hey everyone. okay, im feeling a whole array of emotions right now, and i would like some opinions. my bf of 8 months whom im veryy close to went on vacation last month. this is what happened, we saw eachother quite a few times, had a blast, talked alot online and everything. july 7, he was online, msged me, but i was away and that was the last time i saw him online. he told me he was suppose to go on the 16th, but i didnt hear from him AT ALL that whole week before he left. i called his house like the day b4 he was suppose to leave, but nobody picked up. so that time went by, he told me it was suppose to be for a month meaning this monday that just went by he shouldve been back. now its the 19th, soon to be the 20th, and i dont know what to think. he hasnt been online or anything. i havtn gotten annnnny news from him. he went really far, and he would have to go to an internet cafe and everything, so i know his mom is really weird and its fine, but what could this be? do you think he would ignore me? i dont want to call him, i mean he should right? i dont know what to do.i almost feel as if he may not even come back. his mom is crazy that way. but i just dont know if i should call, if i should do nothing, theres not much i can do. and when he does come back how should i react? its just worrying me now. plz help, im feeling so confused and scared.

[Hero_99]

Sounds to me like you are in a ripe mood for him to return. Continue as normal...

 

And if he really is a jerk, give him my regards and tell him to lighten up a bit. Then I'd shake his hand.

[goddess23]

lol...ya im missing him alot right now but it could be pms. cuz the weird thing is the whole month he was away i didnt miss him THAT MUCH. but now its driving me crazy. but i mean should i give him the benefit of the doubt that he was too busy to send me an email or should i be mad, and show him that it bothered me?

[Celadon]

Not sure if you want to hear this, but he does seem like a jerk -- or at least, really inconsiderate not to send you a quick email every now and then.

 

When he comes back, sit him down for a talk. Not to nag or cry, but to say, with some self-respect, that you were worried about him and you were baffled -- since you guys are close -- that he didn't communicate with you for more than a month. Ask him, calmly, what happened.

 

Be friendly but not superfriendly. After all, things aren't right between you two.

 

If he knows he's done something wrong, he'll either avoid you when he comes back (which proves he's a jerk) or try to get back on your good side. Hopefully it'll be the second option, and that's when you can have your get-reacquainted talk.

 

What's important is that you voice your thoughts on this situation -- don't stuff them inside, or you'll just end up totally angry or depressed. I hope he calls you soon. Take care.

[goddess23]

hey i dont mind hearing it. i posted for honest replies and i appreciate your input. like as i said, in some ways i understand him not emailing me cuz his mom might get suspcious or something (hes 15...so still tite with parents). but its the time now, or more so the week before he left. and ya i do want to tell him about it, i think i will but it was his birthday and i dont want to nag him about anything either, like should i wait for awhile? hes never been good with calling or emailing. like we talk allll the time online and we see eachother alot, but his parents keep us from talking on the phone and the emails just dont come for awhile now. so this trip i wasnt really expecting it, but i was hurt that out of the blue i didnt hear from him the week before he left. now it woudnt surprise me if he left early, but it thats the case he wouldve been back for awhile now. but ya i think i will talk to him about it, because it did bother me, more so the week before then the time he was away, and now not knowing when hes even coming back. i wanted to plan something for his birthday, but right now, i feel as if whats the point if i dont even know when to do it. any more comments are greatly appreciated!!

[Mun]

Hi girl,

Don't plan anything for his bday yet. Let him come back from the trip and see if he contacts you. If he missed you as much as you missed him then he will show it. In the meantime stay busy and try not to worry.

 

You'll get your answers soon.

[dontknowwhattodo]

I khow how you feel. Be strong, girl. My soon-to-be-ex did exactly the same thing to me. He went on a business trip for a few weeks and didn't call or want to see me before he went (but yeah, he had time to go hang out with his friends before he took off - RED FLAG). On his trip (in country), he didn't even bother to call me or email to let me know how things were going even though it was so easy to make a phone call or email me and he knew that we had issues to sort out (RED FLAG). He didn't even tell me when exactly he would be back. I sat tight and counted the days. So finally by the time that he was suppposed to come back, nah, no phone call or anything that night (RED FLAG). He didn't get online as usual either. I was devastated and felt like I stalked him by checking to see if he was online and kept checking if my phone was working. I finally called him up the next day and asked what's up. He said he was busy on this trip and was caught up with housing stuff when he got back (no time to make a few minutes call to me? - big RED FLAG). We chat-chatted and there was no sign that he would want to come see me (Well, another RED FLAG). I finally requested a time to meet to sort thing out, he agreed we 'should' talk (which is supposed to happen tomorrow). I sacrified something (health related issue) just to be with him when we first dated. Things were going very well for 5 months and all a sudden, he was avoiding me like plaque. Many red flags have been given, so I prepare myself to let him go. Now I am devastated. I have been having bad dreams every single night though usually I rarely have any dreams. My internal soul is ruined and I am waiting for thing to be over. Similarly, his birthday is also coming, so I get a nice little thing for him which I will give it to him before we sit down and talk. I am preparing myself for the fact that I might not be invited to the birthday dinner though.

 

In your case, you did the right thing for sitting tightly and not bothering him while he was on his trip (when some guys go on a trip, they usually forget to look back to see that there are their gf's waiting to hear from them). And I think you have your right to ask him what's up and why he is avoiding you when he gets back. He might not be avoiding you given the fact that he didn't have access to the internet or a phone. Since you are young, I assume parents can be a big factor that affects your relationship too. I would suggest you to get a hold on him and have a talk (just a simple phone call like hey bf, is it possible that we meet up for 10-15 minutes, I would like to talk to you). In the mean time, you should be by yourself and honesly think if there is any red flag be given. There is no better way, you guys need to have a honest talk. We will never know what other people think until they say it out loud. I wish you the best and good luck.

[Mun]

I know this is going to sound preachy, but I'm on your side.

 

A woman should never sacrifice herself ( or her health) to be with a man. Especially at the beginning of a relationship ( if ever)-- it sends out the message that he is more important to her than herself and it invites mistreatment. Before long you find that the bf is doing less and less in the relationship and she is doing most of the work to keep it together.

 

Rule of thumb: always treat yourself with respect, love and take care of yourself first. Others will notice this and treat you the same way.

[goddess23]

hey thank you so much for your opinions. honestly, like him being away, i knew he wouldnt be keeping in touch, i was extremely busy myself, family and wedding stuff, so it was crazy, and i didnt really miss him which kind of worried me. i mean if i felt that way, he probably did too. but ya, the week before was realllly strange. its just making me go insane. but dontknowwhattodo, wow, ya those are red flags for you. honestly in my relationship its not really a red flag, but its just starting to worry me that i havnt even seen him around or ANYTHING. like i see his friends around the area, so if he were here i would probably see him. im actually more worried about where he is than anything. but ya i think i will ask him about what happened. like ill ask him when he came back, and if it was awhile ago then he'll definitely have to do some explaining. i dont even want to call him though, i think thats his job. when he comes back, i mean considering i wasnt sure when he was suppose to come back. but ya best of luck with your guy, and i wish myself good luck to lol. but ya, i think he should've made more of an effort to try and send me just one email so i know when he left, when hes coming back and how hes doing. thanx everyone, i appreciate all replies, and more are welcome.