Ok, need advice from women here...

[OhJeeeez]

I have to understand something about the way women think, its totally driving me nutts. Hope someone can straighten this out for me.

 

Ok, so you have this girl, totally stressed out in every part of her life right? No way she has time for a relationship. But she starts one anyways. Things go great for a while, almost too great and then she starts backing off because the stress of her life is too much. What's easier than getting rid of the new relationship?

 

Ok, so here is where my question comes in. This girl has 3 kids, she's a single mom and really takes care of herself financially. She's not rich, but she's not poor. So in comes this guy, they hit it off so well that they get close. Close enough where she knows the guy is willing to take on all the responsibilities and emotional drains in her life. A guy that can step up and help make things easier. Most guys wouldn't take on 3 kids let alone want to be with someone with such a busy life. But this guy is one that doesn't require loads of attention. Just spending time with her and her kids is wonderful.

 

So what makes a woman want to get rid of something because of the stress in her life, when that something can totally help relieve 50% of it?

 

Is this some sort of secret women independence thing? It totally sucks.

[Day_Walker]

Its pretty simple, you are thinking logically and she is not. Dont stress over her decision, she made her choice and she has to live with it move on and realize that she made her decision for some reason. You will never know what that reason is. So you have no choice but to let it go and move on.

[Mun]

Hi there,

Does she have issues from her past? Is she afraid of getting close, or losing her independence?

She might be committment-phobic.

[OhJeeeez]

First off, thanks Day_Walker, that made complete sense.

 

Muneca: I don't know if she has issues about commitment. SHe told me that she doesnt want to be alone anymore and she wants to be in love. Shes even told me that she loves me. We've talked about the loosing independance thing too, she knows I wouldnt do that, at least I hope, i've told her that.

 

 

 

Thanks to both of you for your adivce. I've tried to move on before, but she just wants me even more at that point, till we get back to where we are now. Totally driving me nutts, I'd marry this girl if she'd get her act together.

[Mun]

I wonder if maybe she thinks that she is being unfair to you because she and family are a big package.

 

I have had this thought before when I dated a single guy...

[Blue Skittles]

Okay - well all in all having someone that can take over the emotional burdens sounds great - but it sounds to me, like there is no sparks, or she does not have feelings for you in that way.

 

I've known a lot of women who will be with a guy just because the guy treats them well, takes care of their family, gives them money, and helps to support them. But, in the end, they realize there is no chemistry, and decide it is better off to end it and take care of themself rather than pretend theres something there when there isn't. See they don't realize it at first because it is a thrill to have a guy treat them good like that, but they eventually realize what is missing.

 

This is just a possibility I am not saying thats what it is cuz I don't really have a lot of info on your situation. The other possibility is that she is just really stressed out and she needs time to take care of herself and having another person in the picture is not helping at this moment. Also, she could be one of the types that really likes independence and doesn't want someone 'taking care of her.'

 

Just be sure to give her the space she needs and let her know u are still there for her if she needs anything but just back off and let her figure out whatever it is that is causing her so much stress.

[OceanEyes]

I think Blue Skittles makes a good point, since she did say this:

 

SHe told me that she doesnt want to be alone anymore and she wants to be in love. Shes even told me that she loves me.

 

So what's the problem? She's telling you that she's interested in being in love and having a life companion, and you seem to be offering this to her wholeheartedly. So why would she just end things suddenly? It's probably a little bit because there wasn't enough chemistry or attraction. It takes more than just being good friends and getting the support that you need. For some people, this is sufficient, but not for others.

 

I once dated a guy who seemed to have it all; he's a doctor, has a condo in Mexico, treated me like gold and was always a lot of fun. I couldn't keep it up though because I just didn't desire him other than as a very good friend. I tried, but I simply couldn't as hard as I tried. Chemistry is a funny thing sometimes!

 

At least this woman was honest with you about her needs and didn't keep you hanging on just to have you around. You sound like you deserve to be with a woman who can't be without you! I've never broken up with a man who I really wanted to be with, despite outside factors.

[shyanne]

maybe she is scared that if she lets you into her life fully you will start to feel the pressure of having 3 kids and such a busy life style. she may even worry that if she allows herself to fall madly in love that you will leave her. maybe she doesn't want to be hurt again. she's not with her husband so she may have got really hurt before. even by you telling her that you want to be with her forever may not help because i'm sure she heard that before. words are so easy to say

[shyanne]

one more thing, you sound like such a sweet man. hard to find these days. any women would be lucky to have you in love with them. her loss!

[cassiana]

I wonder is it a conditioning thing. With me when I get let down again and again, it gets to a stage where I can't cope with someone being nice to me. There is this feeling that, My life is very hard right now and I'm coping, if I let this guy in he will make me soft and when he inevitably dumps me my life will be even harder than it is now.

just a thought.