Wife slept with another women

[garyl]

I need some advice really bad My wife had sex with her friend in front of me . After about a half hour in to the sex my wifes friend asked if she wanted to share me? My wife responed yes that I could have sex with both of them! Ok I know must men dream about this stuff but I was kinda shocked and stuned. I did not slept with either of them and after the event, I asked my wife why she did it. My wife explained that she slept with her friend because I told her in the past I had a fantacy about having two girls at the same time. What do this mean and is this consider cheating or what. Thank you for the replys

[Mun]

Yes it is cheating.

 

How do you feel about your wife now? Do you see her in a different light because of this? Or can you put this past you and move on?

[Day_Walker]

Well technically it is cheating if you use the classical definition cuz you are having sex with a female that is your wife. Lets examine the context of this situation, she gave you permission to have sex with her friend (the only stipulation is that you had to have sex with the both of them). In essense you were given a free pass or waiver (which wouldnt make it cheating because it was mutually agreed upon by both parties). I can see how it could freak you out. I also see how it could potentially cause problems in the relationship. Now the situation is that your wife cheated on you because it wasnt something that you agreed to. I would find out if this was a one time thing or if this is something that your wife is into. This could potentially cause problems in the relationship.

 

This is my opinion on what you should have done. You should have joined in with your wife and her friend. The reason being if that if your wife initiates this kind of behavior she is doing it for a certain reason it would seem that she was doing it because she thought u were interested in it (but i really dont believe that at all). Your wife wanted to spice things up and you can enjoy the experience and deal with the reprocussions later.

[DragonSlayerX]

well ya she is cheating but she didnt do it behind ur back like most girls i think she did it bc of wut u said one time u would want 2 women i think thats the main reason i dont want 2 women to sleep all i want is my one

[goddess23]

has your sex life been a little boring lately? maybe she felt it needed to be spiced up and if it is a fantasy that you have mentioned to her then she probably did it to make you happy. but i dont know your relationship, i wouldnt call it cheating in this case, it wasnt like she went and slept with her friend behind your back, it was like a threesome, which if you mentioned you would enjoy then she probably thought it would be a good idea. in a WAY its cheating, but i wouldnt go that far, it seems like something she did for you. however, you know your wife, and you know how you feel. if it did bother you, you should talk to her about it, but dont accuse her of cheating of anything. i think this situation is not one that needs to be dealt with through conflict. if it bothered you, tell her that you just dont feel comfortable with something like that, and see what she has to say. i think this is an innocent mix up.

[sisterlynch]

I really wouldn't classify this as cheating since you were aware of what was going on, but you didn't say anything to them to make them stop, right? I wouldn't say that it was cheating, since cheating normally involves lying and betrayal.

 

You may feel differently now, becuase a boundary is missing. I could see where this would feel weird for a while, but I guess that you can get over it, right?

 

This isn't the worst thing that has ever happened to you, is it?

[tiger_lilies]

I have a close male friend who's married. He's always been into threesomes and loves the thought of two women "getting it on". Throughout my friendship with him, he's made it known to everyone, friends, family and his wife that he gets turned on when he sees two women together. Well, I know his wife too and she is not the type of person who is turned on by women.

 

However, a very surpizing incident happened when they were away on a trip. Apparently his wife ended up making out with another woman infront of him. I'm not sure if she wanted to do this because she was attracted to this other woman, or if she did it simply because she wanted to please her husband. I, personally, think it was the second reason.

 

Perhaps your wife was trying to fulfill a fantasy role for you. She may love you that much to do this for you. I don't know, just my two cents!

[shes2smart]

I agree with sisterlynch -- what you experienced was surprising, perhaps shocking, but it wasn't cheating.

 

Key elements of cheating are something being hidden, then lying about it. Those were not present here (at least from your description).

 

If it is true that you have talked with your wife about 2 women being a fantasy for you, then I think it's safe to assume her intentions were good (i.e. trying to make that fantasy come true for you)...the execution of the idea and the timing were bad.

 

There's nothing wrong with couples exploring sexual alternatives. You just need to keep in mind that there needs to be LOTS of communication before actually doing anything--particularly if it's going to involve the inclusion of other people. The communication has to occur between you and your partner first of all, and once the two of you are in agreement, it needs to continue with any other party/parties you wish to include. This discussion should include very specific details - what things are ok, what things are off limits, how you're going to deal with it if things don't go as planned, etc. You don't just spring something like this on your partner because...well, they wind up feeling confused and weird just like you do now.

 

Sure, discussing and planning might take the spontenaeity (sp?) out of it, and might be a bit uncomfortable and embarrassing, but that's a lot better than confusion and hurt feelings. If you can't talk about your fantasies with your partner (and any other(s) you wish to include) -in detail- in the first place, you're probably better off not trying to live them out.

 

best of luck to you,

~s2s

[garyl]

Ok now the second part my wife told me over the weekend that she nolonger was inlove with me. But she added that she loved me. My sex life with her was may once a week. I would ask and she would say just wake me up later tonight adn just do me. Well I talked EXTENSIVILY to her abvout this and she explained to me that she just did not like sex as much as in the past. Ok i am 30 years old and she is 29 years old. We have to children 2 and 5 yearold girls. She told me that she just did not know what was wrong and she wanted to see some one about the problem. I supported her on this but she never followed thru. I am totaly confused and not sure what to do! thanx everyone for your inputs

[Mun]

Hi again,

The first thing I suggest is for her to get a medical check-up. You want to rule out anything physical that might be causing the low libido. Go from there.

[garyl]

What about the not inlove part?

[Mun]

This might sound weird but, how are YOU doing? Do you have a job where you feel successful? Have you continued to be romantic and attentive to her? Do you help out with the house chores? Do you help too much? Is there any significant change within you?

 

Does she have a job outside the home? Does she have time to herself away from the family?

 

Do you flirt and tease each other? Do you banter playfully at times?

[OceanEyes]

My wife had sex with her friend in front of me .

 

This must mean that you agreed to it and to watching? I can't see her just 'going for it' right in front of you if she knew you were protesting it. If you were there and agreed that it was 'ok', then it's not technically cheating Gary. If there are some other circumstances, then correct me.

 

Most women are somewhat bi-curious, even if they won't admit to it. I can guarantee you that even if your wife did engage in something sexual with another woman, that it was purely a sexual thing.

 

Not being "in love" with someone anymore never means that they don't love them. It usually means that there is no longer a strong desire or physical attraction. I know I am still "in love" because I still feel very attracted and drawn to my boyfriend. Your wife is probably telling you that she's grown out of the sexual and romantic element of your relationship, which happens a lot. If she's willing to give it another go, there are a lot of things you can do to help her 'fall back in love'. No guarantee that it will ever be the same, but if it's worth it to you, give it a shot.

[garyl]

I work for a Police Department. She works for a college. I help out as much as she will let me. When I ask to help with something she will tell me to leave it alone. I have tried to do thing that would excite her. I feel as if I given the relationship all that I have. I am very active and stay in shape thru weight training and also I am a long distance runner. I am not sure how I am doing. I was hoping to get some kind of guidence. I have never used a service like this before. But yes I have rub her feet, ran a warm bath, taken the kids for a weekend so she can have time alone. Taken her on vacations. I feel like I have done the book of love to her. Not sure what to say?

[garyl]

OceanEye!

 

They both just started comparing their bodies and next thing I know my wifes friend started kissing her. I was not sure what to say. Next my wife grabs her and place her friends hand down panties. I know I should have said something but All I could think about was my wife and my wife friends boyfriend. He and I are friends also. By the time I did say something my wife was going full on her friend. At about that time she asked me to get her dildo! Then I will really shocked. No I can tell you this turned me on but my brain was saying not like this! I know this sounds crazy! But hell I never experienced this before and thought that maybe this is what she needed or wanted. Only after did if feel differnet. Let me know if this make any sense.

[Mun]

If she is wants to rekindle the love between you two then suggest couple counseling. You can find out why things are not what they used to be and they can offer tips and exercises for creating romance all over again. She must be willing to work on this with you.

 

I don't think you can "make" someone fall in love with you but you can create the right setting for it to happen.

 

There are many books out there on the subject, maybe you should consider picking one up. How to Stay Lovers for Life is a good one( and it's cheaper than therapy--has exercises for you to try and some really good tips)

 

Good luck

[garyl]

menuca,

 

 

Thank you for the advice. I have be with her for 9 years and would like to rekindle the flame if possible.

[Francis]

I agree with Muneca, it seems to be time for some counselling.

 

Good luck to you two!

[Mike_Wazowski]

This is just another example of how the institute of marriage is being further eroded...Whatever happened to the promise....

 

"Will you love her, honor her, comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health; FORSAKING ALL OTHERS, be true to her as long as you both shall live? "

 

Trust me on this Bro...It wasn't her first time being with another woman....First time experiences like that are usually clumsy with a lot of shyness involved...But from what you said, it sounded as if she knew exactly what she was doing and knew exactly what she wanted.

 

I'm not judging your action..infact if I was in the same situation I would have jumped right in......But as you know.....before a guy cums, he's not thinking straight. But after a guy cums, everything returns to normal and you definitely will regret doing it....Doing it with a girlfriend is one thing, but with your wife, that's a whole different ballgame.

 

The problem with 3P's, 4P's, swinging, watching porno, etc... is it's very addictive, and it can get out of control. Also, once you have entered into that lifestyle, it is hard to return to just the two of you.

 

All I can say is this...."The world is going to Hell in a handbasket" and unfortunately for me and a lot of others, we are going along for the ride.....

[Francis]

Yes, I agree with Mike : it may back lash big time for your relationship.

[garyl]

Thnx guyz. Damn this sucks not sure what to do now!

[Mun]

Don't panic. There may still be magic left but you have to work to find it.

 

I hope she is on the same page as you and wants to keep this relationship. You do need her support and cooperation. Get the book, relationships take work, and you have some serious things to tackle here.

 

You can still be the people you were before this fiasco. Chalk it up to bedroom boredom (and curiosity) and try not to give it another thought.

 

Funny how one question about a situation can reveal the real truth behind an event ( but then, that's how you discover that there are bigger issues) . You just need to bring the romance and excitement back and it can be done---if you both want it bad enough.

[garyl]

Thanx for the advice but now she tells me she wants to separate for awhile to find her self! and she told me that she loves me but has fallin out of love with me. What does this mean? I talked to her for about 4 hours last night and she also explained that she was curious about sleeping with another women after we both watched a porno which had girl on girl action. I feel like she is telling me to waite for her but she could not tell me what I mean to her any longer!