Dating older girl

[Guy21]

I'm 21 y/o and dating a 24 y/o girl for almost 2 months. So far relationship has been great, but the age issue comes out over and over. My gf comes from a conservative family, who think I'm much too young for their daughter (they think the age diff. should be at least the other way around). She is not free from such thoughts, and thinks all the time what if I decide in a few years to have a younger lady, or that I'd be holding her back from marrying and having children in the "proper age". She's concerned, that she may be with be for the coming years, and then she'll be less "attractive of older men" if I won't be "the one".

 

Don't understand me wrong, I was not searching for a girl to "play with", and as far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with having the first gf as the only one (if it fits.. - she's my first gf, but she had some serious relationships before). Usually I don't see the logic in her fears, but I do know I won't be able to marry her in the next 3 years or so, on economical basis (please don't tell me "don't talk marriage yet" - I don't I'm only discussing an option).

 

What do you think, can a serious relationship between people of close, yet different, "phase" of life work? What can you advise? What should I tell her? I care for her a lot, and don't want her to get hurt, but I also fancy our relationship and really believe it could work.

 

Thanks!

[Day_Walker]

If she wants the age gap to be a problem then it will be. Issues like this are usually masking other concerns in the relationship. If she wants to make it a problem, then thats on her. If she really had strong feelings for you then the age gap wouldnt be such a big deal but i would suspect that she is going to let her family talk her into finding a guy her age or older. Just beware that all relationships dont last. Have fun with her while you can and if she cant see herself with a younger man then let her be.

[lagsalot]

Hey There,

 

Actually some good friends of mine are aged pretty much exacatly like you and your gf.

 

She is older by 3 years, much more of a serious type of person.

 

He is the younger one, and very lighthearted and not concerned with very much.

 

They have been together for for about 4 - 5 years now and married for 3. If they can make it happen, so can you.

 

With all of the things out there that could mess up a relationship, don't let concern about age be one of them. Of course this has exceptions, such as a 15 year old with a 22 year old. But in your case it should be much cause for concern.

[mb37kids]

I met my partner when he was 21 and I was 26! That was 13 years, 1 marriage and 2 kids ago.

He jokes that when we are seniors that I'll be cruising the local high school for a stud and he'll be at the local rest home looking for a sugar granny. Still in love.

[Guy21]

Issues like this are usually masking other concerns in the relationship. If she really had strong feelings for you then the age gap wouldnt be such a big deal.

 

Well, at first there where other things, like she's getting into relationship too short a time after finishing with her ex, but now I know (believe me on that) this is the only thing. The problem is also that her fears prohibit the "strong feelings" you talk about. There are feelings of course, but the "fears" get in the way nonetheless.

[Guy21]

mb37kids - had you had such doubts at the beginning ? Were you concerned about him being too young?

[PAdreamer]

I'm 19 and he's 27. For me the age difference has nothing to do with it. But that is partly because neither he nor I come from conservative, traditional backgrounds. Yes, if she feels concerned about the age difference then it is obviously a problem. My question is, if it bothered her, why is she with you? I think you need to sit down with her and talk this through. Is such a small age difference so important to her in a relationship?

 

It sounds like her parents have instilled a lot of these fears in her. Maybe she needs to sit down- or BOTH of you should sit down with them, and see if you can help calm THEIR fears! If a happy medium can be reached so that everyone feels comfortable, great! But the bottom line is that this relationship is about you and her... Not you, her, and her parents.

 

I have had to deal with some problems with my boyfriend's mom. She was convinced that I was some runaway looking for a free ride. I had to prove my love for her son, and that made all the difference. Good luck!

[mb37kids]

I think any doubts I had were about his family's reaction to my age. For some reason, I had always dated younger guys (though never 5 Years) so it was not such a big deal for me or my family.

I had also come out of a relationship that looked as though it were heading for marriage and, as he broke it off with me, my confidence took quite a knocking!!!! I met my husband a long time after (9 months) so emotionally I think I was ready to move on and he was the right person for me. We took things nice and slow and the rest is history.

[lillady898]

The issue of a younger man dating an older woman always seems to pop up. It's becoming more and more normal, however there are many people in today's society that believe that a woman should only be with an older man. But, really, it can work. Look at Ashton Kutcher and his gal. Probably not the best example, but you get the idea. They get a lot of attention just because of their difference in ages (publicity stunts...). Anyway, people are always going to be either for it or against it. If you tell people the age difference the first thing they'll think is most likely, "Oh, he's younger than her." I mean, I dated a guy a week younger than me and it was the topic of conversation until we stopped dating... And it still comes up. (We didn't break up for that 7-day difference.) So you know, it can work. Don't even think about it. I mean, who cares? Do she's older. Do those few years mean anything when you both are in your 50's? THe older you get, the less significant it will seem. Just my two cents. I don't know if any of these even helps... Just had to say it.

[hardcore]

age should never be a problem . it is just a number thats all.

what more can i say but what i did

[elysium_dreams_]

I never realized such a short age difference could mean so much.....why does it freakin matter at all. oh i never diod understand that. the girl i like is only 3 months older. though we're not dating, now i sure hope it doesn't come up

[shes2smart]

I'm 40. My husband is 29. That's an 11 year age difference. We're like 2 peas in a pod. Been together 3 years (married for 2) and have never had a serious argument. We're so freakin' happy that if we weren't us and saw us on the street, we'd make us sick.

 

On the other hand, the last guy I dated before I met my husband was 18 years older than me. We started off ok, but over time were going very different directions. (Like, I wanted to settle into a serious monogamous relationship, and he wanted to nail anything that was 21 or over.)

 

There's no one answer for your question....it really depends on the individuals involved. Age is only an issue if one or the other or both of you make it into one.

 

best of luck to you,

~s2s

[PAdreamer]

Yeah, I know what you mean about the whole "if we saw us on the street we'd make ourselves sick" comment! Hehehe!

[shes2smart]

Yeah, I know what you mean about the whole "if we saw us on the street we'd make ourselves sick" comment! Hehehe

 

oh, good...I wasn't sure that'd make sense to anyone.

[savannahohsavannah]

I'm in my early forties and my last bf was 21. That is a complete and total age gap! I lost my ex, but I think the poster who said that age is sometimes a cover issue for other things is right. Maybe, and this could be any reason actually, she is in for a romance now, but not a serious one, and she wants to let you down easy by making age an issue.

IMHO, this would not be an age gap issue for me. And I had a 14 bf when I was 16, so two years isn't a big deal.

[Massari]

I guess if the age differnce is the other way around it won't matter that much to the girl but if she is older ... she thinks of second thoughts .."Guy/21" I am in an exact same situation of you .. it's kinda funny how my post and your post sorda speak the same issure.. I am 20 though and she is 24 and I just met her so I really can't ask her out at this moment I need to creat some potentials.. though my question was what is her respond gonna be if I sask her out.. but one think Idon't understand if she meets a guy that is very concerne and appriciate who she is .. is she gonna say no justy because of the age gap?

[Mermaid]

I just turned 28 and my boyfriend is 21. If you'd asked me, prior to meeting him, if I would ever even consider dating a younger guy my answer would've been a resounding "NO!"

 

But then I met Steve, who was 19 at the time (I was 26). When he fell in love with me, I had a lot of reservations, but as time went on it started occurring to me that he was far more mature and poised than any of the men I knew who were my age or older and, in addition, he's extremely well-rounded--he can sit and talk about politics and world affairs, and then turn around and discuss video games or anime.

 

All of our friends, who are my age and older, had started considering us a couple even before we were one--because they thought we were perfect together. So about a year and a half after we met, I "gave in," and now I can report that this 21-year-old makes me feel happier, safer and more loved and secure than any guy I've ever dated--or any person I've ever known. And the first time my parents met him (he was 20 at the time), my mom pulled me aside and said, "I can't believe he's only 20--I keep having to remind myself because he's so mature." (

 

(And, for the record, that's how our parents see it. It's obvious that we make each other very happy, and that's what matters--not a bit of an age difference. My mom absolutely adores my boyfriend.)

 

The way I look at it, I was all of a second-grader when he was born. Hardly a woman with a lifetime of experience behind me... lol. Besides, as we both get older that relatively minimal age gap will close even more. But I have to tell you--in our case, age really is just a number. In two years, we've yet to stumble accross any topic that has made the difference obvious.