How do I Win her back?

[tuffguy247]

Hey Im new to this forum. And I need help!!I just stubbled accross this and I wanted to give it a try.

Heres my story: (Bare with me)

My girl and I just recently decided to take a break.(that was 2 weeks ago)

 

We met at school and have been dating for 8 months. Within those 8 months.. we grew a STRONG connection. I never experieneced it before. She was all that I wanted and it was strange how she fit almost everything that I saw in a future wife.

Well we grad college in May and we have started the REAL WORLD. We both grad with a degree in Restaurant Management. I work at a country club as an assistant Restaurant Mgr. workin 50 hrs a week. Ive worked there before so i have come comfortable there. Now she on the other hand just started her job, like a month ago. She works for the Four Season, a very well known HIGH class Hotel and Restaurant Chain if you havent heard of it. Its BIG time for our industry to come out of school and have this job. She was very fortunate to get it. SO with this job comes alot of responsibility. I mean its not like any restaurant...this is where celebrities come to stay when they are in town.

So anyways, we only live 50 mins apart... so we arragned 2 of the same days off each week. SO we would go back and forth to each other's places each week. Well she had to drive an hour to work every day and back.

Her schedule is from like 5 am to 3pm....and she comes home and eats and then goes to bed. Then she gets up and repeats it all again.

So on our days off, all we both would do is what we couldnt do during the week. Our errands and just laying around. Which was fine with me cause I love this girl soo much that I didnt mind just letting her sleep on me and rubbing her head.

 

Ok so one day I mention to her that I felt like we didnt have enough alone time anymore...That is because we both live at home and her mom works at home and my dad is always home cause hes retired....

 

So she agreed and just kinda started Crying.....She told me shes been feeling this way for awhile and didnt know how to tell me and not hurt me. She felt like she doesnt even have time for herself and the things she has to get done on her days off. She said she wanted to take a step back and have time for herself. SO it was a TOTAL shock to me cause i didnt know by bring something up was goin to cause a a "break' in our what seem to me a TOTALLY perfect relationship....its not like it was goin sour or anything...we fought sometimes but other then that....we both are madly in love with each other and never have met anyone like each other before. SO as far as the relationship went, it was perfect. And people around us knew we were good together.

 

SO anyways, sorry for the long reply, It came down to that she very stressed out and she a little bit of a perfectionist so she likes to be in control and she didnt have control of somethings so she ReActed to what was easier to get rid of at the time.

 

SO here I am madly in love with this girl and Im destroyed. She was heart broken cause she had hurt me and she had said before that she would never hurt me cause she was always the one that was hurt in her past relationships, so she was devestated that she had to do this to me.

 

Dont get me wrong I work the same amount of hours as her (45-50hrs), but All I need one i get home from work is piece of mind...and she was that for me. I didnt care what happened at work or whatever..As long as I had her to hold and to love then I was fine.

 

Now Ive been tryin to find ways to let her know that Im still thinkin of her. Nothin over the top cause i dont want to scare her off. I want to give her her space. She did call me a week after and wanted to see how i was doin but i know she called to make sure I knew it wasnt goin to be a short period of time. Cause she was thinking more of a month or so. But we established that we can be friends and if we need to talk to each other we can call. But we both know that if we call its not gointo help things. SO we havent talked since.

 

But there are so many ideas running around in my head as far gettin her to realize that what we had was good.

One idea was to just send a card, a humorous one, just sayin hope work is goin well ...just wanted to say HI ....something like that...

 

I mean I also have this huge idea (I wouldnt do this to later of course, but I would love to do this) but I have alot of candles, so I was goin to drive to her house 50 mins away and spell out I LOVE YOU on her front lawn and id call to wake her up and tell her to look out her window or something like that. I just love that idea and I sooo want to do it.. But I cant I know I cant. Not yet at least.

 

So I guess Im just asking the Forum..What can I or what should I do? I want to give her her time but at the same time Im worried that our love is goin to fizz out. And Im not goin to let that happen.

What does one do for this situation?

 

If anyone can help please let me know. Thank you sooo much for taking the time to read this. I know it was long but I hope its readable.

 

Best Regards,

 

Tuffguy

[rich46]

I feel for you, I really do. I was going out with my ex for about 2.5 years at university, and we kept it going for 1 year afterwards (despite living 100 miles away from eachother). However, when she got a job and started mixing with new people, she gradually became more and more distant with me until 5 weeks ago, she said she needed some time and space and to be single for a while.

 

Your case is slightly different because it simply appears that you both work long hours and don't get much time to yourselves. I would just give her time and space for now. It is frustrating, but you both need to figure out what it is you want right now. I would certainly hold off on the big romantic gesture - she knows how you feel about her, don't push her. Just let her think.

 

Sorry I can't be more helpful, but believe me I know what you are going through. It just requires a lot of patience and faith in the fact that if it's meant to be, it will be.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[tuffguy247]

Thanks Rich. I really appreciate your post. See Im pretty sure its not beacuse she wanted to be single. Im really poistive..unless shes not tellin me but she just needed her time. But I have talked to so many people and they say when someone wants a break that means in a way..they dont want to be with you. Im hoping they are wrong. See she has been goin out with her managers and stuff and from what I know they are really cool and good looking and have the connection throughtout the City. So I mean it doesnt look good on paper but I dont know. I know shes not the girl to go after her Managers..I know she believes in a good Work ethic. SO im hoping that shes being good and its cause she just needed time for herself. I mean if she didnt have time for me...the best boyfriend she has ever had...that was her remark...then I pretty sure she wouldnt do anyting with anyone else. Lets HOPE Im right. Thanks again for your time.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think that if you really want to send her a card, you should. We should never apologize for our feelings. It's how we feel-- that's it. If you want to tell her you love her--then do it.

 

I think your situation is a bit sad because it's as if the world is against you. Life is separating you. Do keep in contact with her, without smothering her.

 

I heard this once : Love's number one enemy is Life.

[Beec]

I see nothing wrong with your feelings, but I would not disclsoe them. You disclosing your feelings and saying you want her back, in so many words, comes accross as needy and clingy.

 

Things got where they got because of how she felt. You need to make her feel the right way to get her back.

 

Right now, you sit tight and give her room. But you also need to think about how and when you create contact and when you do, how to make her feel the right way. The candles may be a good move at sometime, but nto sure when. I would want to make that move knowing I had her or had her coming back to me.

[tuffguy247]

Hey Guys,

 

I was just talkin to one of her friends, who also on of mine. And she has been there for me thoughtout this. But she has felt like she has consoled me enough that she cant do anymore. Cause she feels bad cause she feels like shes goin behond her back. So she emailed me and told me that she wants to stop talkin about it and for me to MOVE ON. Which is totally true. Im in the wrong for puttin her in that situation. She also told me ...and this comin from a girl that lived with her at school and has been there threw my ex's other break ups. She told me that she really feels like my ex wont come around. And when i heard this I just started balling. She was like you have to move on and go on without her. And i know thats what I have to do but from someone that was always on my side when it came to something with my ex and me. How do I move on but still hold on true. I really need help guys. Im not tryin to be psycho at all. But im afraid that its taking over me and I wont know how to get over her. What do I do? Please Help

[belle4]

That's kinda messed up what your friend said. She can't speak for your ex at all. If you were really the best boyfriend for her, be the best friend for her and understand her reasonings. Being a person still in college, it is SO important to take care of yourselves at this age....and you should be doing the same since you are young also!

 

Go to your job, make that money and be proud that you're doing something productive with your life. You are lucky to be where you are in your life. Also have that inner confidence because us girls can totally pick up on that. Just be her friend and create those positive moments. But also radiate your own inner beauty when you talk to her as a friend first. You need to build up a friendship first after this before anything else happens. Otherwise it won't work out for good

[tuffguy247]

Thanks for the Reply Belle4.

I think what my friend was tryin to say in the nicest way possible was to Stop talking about and MOVE ON. I mean I talked to her after it and she said that she just didnt know what to say anymore and she was leaving for Europe this weekend so she kinda wanted me to start thinkin I had to move on. It was like her last words. I know she didnt mean it to be mean. I have talk to alot of people and its hard to believe whats right and what I should do.

In the past I have made some mistakes as far as tryin to be a friend after a relationship and what not and it didnt work. I dont want to blow this. This is the girl I would love to spend more time, and poss marry. I felt like we didnt have enough time with the strong love. Its just that the WORLD is against us. She is just workin too much to even think about it. But I hope she is takin this time to think. I know she scared, cause she told me, that if we took this break that shes goin to get used to not havin me around and shes not goin to want to come back. And I dont know if she said that just to make me think that its possible that could happen.

 

Im just soooo confused cause everything was soo right and she was tellin me how much she loved me up until the day of the break. I just cant believe how she can just end this like this. I know its a break and I know she said she goin to need like a month, which was fine but Id like to be sure that the NC is workin and she misses me and after that time she will come back. Sorry for the Long Reply...I plan on doin the funny card thing either this week or next..it will be 3 weeks since. Its just a HI, hope all is well. That brings me to a question that I have? For this card I know i shouldnt put I LOV U and all that stuff. But whats just enough to make her think that i still think of her. When we last talked we said we were goin to be friends and I was fine with it. So its like i dont want to go against what I said I was goin to be. But I still want to show her that I think about her and LOVE HER. If you guys have any remarks on this please let me know. thanks for your time.

 

~Tuffguy

[Mun]

Hi Tuffguy,

Take a deep breath.

 

Send the card and say something like " thinking of you" it's that simple. She will get the message loud and clear. I don't think you should be going NC, I think you should keep in contact with her but keep it short and sweet.

 

She didn't ask for the break because she doesn't love you, she asked for it because she is overwhelmed. Look at it this way. You probably feel the same way. You can't give your all to this relationship right now. You have to get settled in your new jobs first (both of you). There is nothing at this time that says " you will not get back together." So, don't panic. Give it a little bit of time--she said a month--and then ask her out.

 

At that point you can start dating her again and move things along slowly, without adding pressure to (both of your) hectic schedules. You're just taking a few steps back right now to regroup. Have some faith.

[tuffguy247]

Hey Guys,

She called me tonite..It was such a shock..its been another week and she Called again... I havent called or anything..this has been twice for her. The convo went well it was just really Hi and hows everything. I was positive and prob sounded like i was doin fine. So we ended the convo good. I was sooooo excited, I was jumpin up and down. Then she calls back. I was like NOOOOOOOO. She was like I have a question..I was like yes...she was like you sure theres nothing u have to say to me ..or u want to say. I was like no not really she was o ok well ok I just wanted to make sure. I was like crap why did she call. Now im all mixed up. I was like damn man shes really missng me. But shes a tough cookie and she wouldnt give in. But who knows i dont want to look into it. Im tryin to stay positive. Im just so confused right now. WHY would she call back?...See her good friend is leavin for Europe this fri and I know she prob talked to her...the one friend that i mentioned before about how she was kinda tired of talkin about it and I should move on. I just REALIZED something IT RIGHT NOW...its our anniversary..I wonder if she wanted me to say it was our day??? What do u you think?

[Mun]

It's gonna have to be your call. You can always text message her to say something about it. Short and sweet remember.

 

The call sounds like it went well. Keep it up like that. Life is so much better when there is less drama.

[belle4]

I dont know if you shoudl say anything. Well depends if this break means you are technically "together". I think you should just keep quiet and play it cool. Everythign will be ok

[tuffguy247]

Hi,

I went with muneca, and it was also my decision, to go ahead and cover myself and Texted her that I just wanted her to know that I was thinkin of her on what would of beeb our 8th month anniversary and I didnt know how to tell her when I was on the phone. I said good luck with work and talk to ya later. Thats all I put short and sweet. Guys I dont want to over anylaze this like Im doin. I have a tendence to do that. I just cant believe she called. The first call she sounded so sweet and really interested in what I had to say and it was a good convo. So its hard cause now I think about it maybe she really does care and wants to know if Im ok and thats why she called. I really hope its not cause her friend might have told when she and I just recently talked, that I wasnt doin to well and didnt seem to be moving on. I really hope she didnt do that. Im good friends with this girl to the point where she was always there for us and when we had our fights she always tried to get us back to talking. She is truly someone who wouldnt sabatoge this relationship. So its hard to think what was the real reason she called. Guys your the ony ones I can talk to about this cause I told everyone that I wasnt goin to talk about it and the noes that really know her I cant say anything to them cause i dont want to risk it. See with the anniversary thing....for the first time in my relationships i have acknowledged the anniversary and have either done something or mentioned it first to her...and i think she has been taken back from that cause some guys dont say anything or dont car. SO i think with this text message its saying that I still thought about it even though the circumstances. Guys I hope I did the right thing. I didnt get a response back like I was hoping but it might of been because she gets into work really early. Ok im signing off. Thanks for your replys

[Mun]

Wow ! You have no idea how important it is to us when our guy remembers a special date.

 

I dated someone who would tell me " let me see a calendar and I will tell you when this and this happened" It was great!!

 

Don't feel bad--we all over analyze. I will tell you one thing though, no matter how great a friend this other person is--eliminate the middle man(or woman). Seriously. She could do more harm than good without even knowing it. Don't tell her too much and don't send messages with her. You will do much better if you communicate with GF directly. Trust me on this. It's very, very important ok?

 

You can wait a few days and then call her up to see how she is doing. Don't call more than twice a week or it will start to smother her.

 

Keep posting

[tuffguy247]

Hey, the fact that she Called...is it still cool to send her a card? I know I could call her but I dont know I dont want to be too pushy and I dont want abuse this. I want to show her I can still be distant u know. I know she prob saw right threw me when I acted so calm and happy. Maybe thats why she called right back to ask me if I was ok. Ok STOP OVERANYLAZING..haha Thanks for the reply...Let me know if my idea is OK...Thanks for your time.

[tuffguy247]

Hey Guys,

 

Well its been 3 weeks since we have broken up. Just an update: She called after the first week exactly, called me second week exactly( on our anniversary) prob was just coinsidence. So I took the first MOVE...Must I remind you I havent called or anything before this...But I sent her a card a funny one...all it said in is was to say Hi to her rents and her family that are visiting next week (her nieces who LOVE me and will ask where I am when they come) and I asked hope work was goin well. We are on talking terms so I could of called her and asked her all this but I chose to do to the card thing. Well with the card I bought her something else. Since we are both in the Restaurant industry and on our feet all day... I bought her those Dr Sholls Gel Inserts and I wanted to put a note with it...like something funny...So if any of you have seen the commerical for the them...it has a catchy saying...Are you Gellin"? So i put that on the casing And I put a little side note....Hope these make our days easier...i know i know ..sounds stupid..but i wanted to be funny. SO the next day she got the package....and Texted me Thanks for the package, that was very thoughtful of you, Ill tell everyone you said HI ..talk to ya later. I have a serious problem of ONVER ANALAZING things...I dont want to read into this but Im just not gettin a good vibe for someone reason. Im really tryin to move on with my life..I got a promotion at work..I just ordered my dream car..and Im staying busy....Is there anything else I can do? I really would love to know how she is taking this and if she even thinks of us like that ever? This girl is what i want for my future. I see other girls and hang out with other girls...and No one is on the same level that she is...and it hurts me. Any othe advice guys? I knw its only been 3 weeks and she said in the beginning it was goin to be more like a month or so that she needed. But I dont know... I just am really scared that shes goin to get comfortable with her new ways and not want to go back to having someone to attend too... Sorry for the long reply....Thanks in advance for the replys!!! nite yall

[Beec]

If you go and call her often and try to see her, you'll be chasing her, and screwing up your chances. DO NOT CHASE her.

 

Not sure I like the insoles, but it could be very good, and you did not tell her much. You clearly thought about her, and indicated none fo your own feelings. Fine.

 

Remember why we go for who we go for: those who give emotional fulfillment in intervals, and remain aloof. If you chase, you are not aloof.

[tuffguy247]

Heres a little Update:

 

Im assuming you guys know the story so-

 

I found out from a friend( that ex works with and we are all good friends from colllege and they hang out alot) my ex is not only thinkin about things but she is kinda frustrated that when she talked to me on the phone it seemed like I didnt care. The only thing I can think of is that maybe Im being too fake when I talked to her..you know i was like a friend and not like all lovey dovey ..which she is used too. I was just being normal...like almost like she wanted me too. And i dont know if this is pre card era but she has to see that I care. And I did find out the reasons that she used for the breathier was in fact true...she was just overwhelmed and it wasnt cause of someone else. She isnt tryin to talk to anyone. So that has helped me soo much. The last thing I found out was that our friend...the one that my ex always hangs out with and talks too...Said it herself...She thinks we wil get back together. So that was reassuring.

 

I think this so called Break was more of a breathier and it wasnt as bad as I made it out to be. This time is just soo overwhelming for both of us. I talked to my good friend last nite and I know what I have to do. I have to just step up and be like Listen this is how i feel...what are u feeling and are u willing to work on this new stint of our relationship.

 

Well thats all i have to say for now. Thanks again for everything guys.