LTS48 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 For all of you recently dumped people out there, know that it gets better. My ex broke NC after just 2 weeks (been broken up 2 months or so) to talk about something that I had nothing to do with. I calmly waited until the initial rush of excitement subsided before texting her back (couple of hours). She immediately apologized for texting me but I did not let the conversation go anywhere other than where she lead it, then (and I know this seems impossible for some of you) ENDED IT MYSELF. This got another apology for texting me, to which I did not respond. And you know what? I felt fine. Totally fine. I did not sacrifice any of my personal boundaries in order to take advantage of an opportunity to speak with her. I did not have a desire to clarify anything I said, or tell her multiple times that its fine that she texts me to make her feel better like I would have done even a month ago. The knowledge that she thought of me during this time made me feel good (I'm human) but it has not turned into old feelings or anything. I was comfortably able to interact with her while not sounding/acting desperate. I know some of you are assuming I have some super-strength of willpower or something...not hardly. Look at my previous posts: she's still my fbook friend, I think about her every day, and every once in awhile I still get down about her being gone. Know that in just 2 short months somebody with very human emotions/limitations found the strength to respect themselves and, for once, make all the right moves. Imagining how I will feel after ANOTHER 2 months has me feeling more positive than ever! Keep your heads up, you can do it! Link to comment
ChellyV Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 great job! i saw in a post somewhere that 3 months post BU, that a person will begin truly missing the other, dumper or dumpee and whatever circumstances there is during the break up. it looks like you are doing everything that you need to help yourself move. keep it up! Link to comment
bunny45 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Your post is inspiring... I'm almost at the two month mark combined with No Contact and I am having a very rough time. Link to comment
replytome Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Haha! Almost exactly the way I feel after 2 months NC. You can have a look at my thread at what happened to me. Ex ambushed me at my apartment. Kudos to you fella. Link to comment
DoGGYtREAts Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I dont Know How you guys Do this NC thing. My first and 2nd Played such mind games with me it wasn't even funny- I lack willpower of any kind. Link to comment
banal Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I can do the NC thing, but I have no clue OP how you're able to stay friends with her on FB. I've been able to handle my BU because I've cut her out of my life entirely. I've been very busy and moving on. But if every time I logged onto FB I saw her face and her latest status update, well, let's just say it would put me back a ways, as would the temptation to post and to message her. Link to comment
Melting Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I can do the NC thing, but I have no clue OP how you're able to stay friends with her on FB. I've been able to handle my BU because I've cut her out of my life entirely. I've been very busy and moving on. But if every time I logged onto FB I saw her face and her latest status update, well, let's just say it would put me back a ways, as would the temptation to post and to message her. I am the same, the only way I can move on is to entirely remove them from my life.... in every aspect. Link to comment
strawberryjell Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I wouldn't be able to keep my sanity if I were friends with my ex on FB either lol. I'm glad I blocked him, bc it's been a month since BU and he already has a new gf. I would go nuts stalking them if I hadn't blocked them both! I can't wait to be where you are and stop wanting him since he obviously is not coming back! Link to comment
LTS48 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 Banal, the secret to maintaining a facebook friendship (and my dignity in MY opinion, that statement will be flamed to hell and back but w/e) is realizing that any pain I feel at things she posts/says/does will be momentary. Did i get a HUGE rush when I saw her number pop up on my text messages? Yup. And I would have texted back right away had I not been working so hard on myself lately. I just immediately put my phone in my pocket, took a few deep breaths, and said "no." Later, when all the pain/excitement had gone away, I contacted her back because I am determined to not appear weak any more to her. The same rules apply to her facebook. Do I get a rush of pain every now and then? Sure do. But I immediately stop and focus on the moment, feel the pain, and ask myself "why hurt over this?" Usually I can't answer that question and the pain subsides over time. Try it sometime, the pain is nothing but brain chemicals preparing you to defend your fragile psyche from any more pain. Chemicals lose their effectiveness after awhile. Its just a matter of letting them before you make any moves. Link to comment
banal Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I get what you're saying about dignity. It's important for me to leave on good terms provided my ex didn't do anything terribly abusive or horrible. I don't want to be grinding axes or bearing grudges or whatever other cliches one could use. Email, even phone calls - those are one thing. But FB is a totally different animal. The hardest part about a breakup, for me, is the fact that someone so important to me - THE most important person to me - is suddenly gone, totally and inescapably. So soon after a breakup, it's too much to see her living happily ever after in a world that couldn't accommodate me. I admire your stalwart resolve, though! Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 My first and 2nd Played such mind games with me it wasn't even funny- I lack willpower of any kind.NC is only a mind game if you go in and out of it, meaning you say you are going to do it, then break it when you don't get the "results" you want. If you use it to heal yourself and stick to it, it cannot be construed as a game (manipiulation). Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I can do the NC thing, but I have no clue OP how you're able to stay friends with her on FB.Don't people on FB know when you are looking at their profile? I thought there were apps that could do this. Link to comment
DoGGYtREAts Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 NC is only a mind game if you go in and out of it, meaning you say you are going to do it, then break it when you don't get the "results" you want. If you use it to heal yourself and stick to it, it cannot be construed as a game (manipiulation). Like I said I lack will power. She had me on and off when ever she friggen wanted for nearly a year.. And it only stopped when she finally moved lol. Dont get me wrong I tried NC, but she just showed up at the house and that was the end of that lol Link to comment
motleylou Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I'm with the op on remaining friends on facebook. I'm still friends with my ex bc I think that if shows that I am indifferent about the whole thing. I did delete all our photos together as well as she did but that was bc it was too painful. But the way I look at it is it's almost a game of willpower. She never deleted me so I want to show her that it doesn't bother me and I could careless if she's friends with me or not. By deleting her now 8 weeks after the breakup it almost makes me look weak like I have to delete her because I can't stop looking at her profile. I will admit that the first month I did look at her profile a lot and it did kind of set me back. But now I have almost zero desire to look at it and feels good that I can do this without deleting her. I did block her new messages on my news feed so all her new status updates don't show up but that's it. But I do understand if you're having a hard time constantly looking at the profile then it's best to delete it. But like the op said having her as a friend and being able to have self control is a really good feeling and I feel like I showed her that I have good self control to be able to keep her on as a friend,which feels pretty good. Link to comment
banal Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Don't people on FB know when you are looking at their profile? I thought there were apps that could do this. Nah, those apps are all phishing scams. Link to comment
LTS48 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Indirect benefit to leaving them on fbook? They can see you living your life and not caring just as easily as you can see them doing the same Link to comment
pietro5266 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I get what you're saying about dignity. It's important for me to leave on good terms provided my ex didn't do anything terribly abusive or horrible. I don't want to be grinding axes or bearing grudges or whatever other cliches one could use. Email, even phone calls - those are one thing. But FB is a totally different animal. The hardest part about a breakup, for me, is the fact that someone so important to me - THE most important person to me - is suddenly gone, totally and inescapably. So soon after a breakup, it's too much to see her living happily ever after in a world that couldn't accommodate me. So true, and so well said. Link to comment
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