butterfly6585 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 After dating for 3 years, he broke up with me just under a year ago. After all this time (a year), I still have days where I'm sad & cry because I miss him so much. He was kind of a jerk though this past year because I told him right up front, unless you want to reconcile, please don't contact me at all anymore yet he continued to contact me off and on (mostly on) for this whole past year. There were plenty of times that I ignored his efforts to contact me (cuz I realized he was just trying to keep me on a "string" rather than being serious about us reconciling). There were a few times this past year that he begged me to go back out with him but then when I agreed to it he changed his mind. As you can probably imagine, I wasn't real happy about him doing that. Three months ago is the last time I saw him in person & stupidly had sex with him partially because I thought we were trying to reconcile. He's really broken my heart & jerked me around & so it seems like it should be easier for me to get over him. So, why does it hurt so bad then to see that he's changed his main FB pic to one of him & whoever his new GF is? I loved this man so much that I wanted to marry him & have a family with him & so it hurts alot that he obviously doesn't feel the same way about me since he's had at least a few GF's since we split up a year ago. It hurts so much that he keeps choosing to be with other girls instead of choosing to reconcile with me. Each time I've seen a pic of him with his latest new GF (so far it seems like none of them have lasted for more than 1 or 2 months), I'm just totally dumbfounded cuz each one seems to get progressively uglier. Not to be mean or shallow but in all seriousness...it's like I see their pics & it's like what the h&&l?? Now granted, I'm fairly overweight at the moment (though I am working on changing that) so it's not like I'm perfect. However, I think most people would say that I'm alot prettier than these girls are & it almost makes me feel worse about the whole thing cuz I just can't understand what in the world he sees in this girls that he didn't/doesn't see in me. I know that's it definitely not all about looks but I'd like to think I have alot of good inner qualities as well & that I have alot to offer as a woman. I think part of it might be that he's maybe got some commitment issues as things were for the most part okay with us until I (stupidly) started talking about engagement, marriage, etc. & I think that really freaked him out. He's 35, never been married, no kids. Or...maybe I'M just not the one that inspired him to WANT to make a lifelong commitment to someone. In any case, he's been dating other girls pretty much since right after our breakup a year ago & I was so heartbroken about the breakup that I didn't feel ready to start dating again until fairly recently (two months ago). Met a few nice guys so far & had alot of fun on some of my dates but I just can't seem to shake this sadness over my ex. Any suggestions about this would be much appreciated. Thanks. Link to comment
diarmuidz Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I'm going through something similar - my girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago and I've been in pain since. I hope me and her reconcile, and sometimes I cry over missing her....... but reading the posts on this bored, sounds like the best thing to do is go NC and focus on yourself. Forgive yourself for the mistakes/regrets you have regarding this relationship.... do what makes you happy. Improve your life, and your ex might notice and want to come back to you, or even if your ex doesn't notice, you'll be better off. I'm not just saying this - I am devastated over my break up... but I truly believe this will help me, and I'm sure it will help you too. Link to comment
Zuri Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I feel your pain. I hope by this time next year he is out of my system. I cannot imagine going through this crap for a year. Link to comment
butterfly6585 Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Thank you very much for your input diar & shal. Link to comment
replytome Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 The key is actually to LET GO OF ANY HOPE! You should not WANT to get back with someone who dumped you. That and NC of course. Link to comment
obx Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 good quote: "Forgive yourself for the mistakes/regrets you have regarding this relationship.... do what makes you happy. Improve your life, and your ex might notice and want to come back to you, or even if your ex doesn't notice, you'll be better off." this is what i'm trying to do!! so hard. especially since i know from what i have seen on facebook that is with a pretty new girl and seems to be having a great life without me! he has yet to tell me in person what isgoing on bc i think he doesnt want to hurt me..but he is hurting me..and not just telling me..dont know which is worse. What do you guys do to deal with knowing your ex is with someone new?? How do you just stop thinking about it and stop the pain..its horrible... Link to comment
rediscovering Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 this is what i'm trying to do!! so hard. especially since i know from what i have seen on facebook that is with a pretty new girl and seems to be having a great life without me! he has yet to tell me in person what isgoing on bc i think he doesnt want to hurt me..but he is hurting me..and not just telling me..dont know which is worse. What do you guys do to deal with knowing your ex is with someone new?? How do you just stop thinking about it and stop the pain..its horrible... Accept it and let him go. That's what I did. I accepted the outcomes of our break-up and with it, the pain melted away and my thought process became different because I saw it in a new light, in a new perspective. They are no longer obligated to you and therefore, they will do as they wish, you have no control over anything. If he is with someone new, that's it: he's with someone new. Block him on FB or deactivate yours, it will help you with healing, I promise. Deem his silence as a gift. Knowing is much worse, trust me. Focus on you now. I know it's hard thinking about him, but when you do, focus on the positivity and not on the "What if's?" and the "What could have been's?" Just be thankful that you were loved and that you have amazing memories to think fondly of. We all move on someday and while we have ups and downs through this process, we will all find love again, whether it be him or someone else. Link to comment
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