I want to forget them completely...Quickest way to move on?

[soru]

Well, its been a month's time, and I ended up seeing the ex yesterday. Probably thinks I'm a stalker now, but it was coincidence and even a bit of curiosity that had me bump into her. I didn't PURPOSELY seek her out, but all signs kind of point to it at first glance...

 

So I want to move on. I'm tired of feeling like crap. I know I royally ruined any chances of us getting back together after yesterday so I'm ready to just go on. I don't have the feeling of complete grief anymore. Now its just that * * * * ty feeling where I know I completely screwed up with a girl and theres no turning back. She was already set on this breakup, and after seeing me, I'm sure she got pushed even further away. I sent an apologetic trying to explain that I WASNT stalking her and I was sorry for making her feel awkward, hoping she'd at least respond to it, but she never did. I don't deserve this heartache anymore. I just want to forget. I just want to focus on the present, and not look at the past. The past was great. The past was fun. The present is dark and gloomy. The future is unknown. I'm ready for the future....

[Melting]

Unfortunately time is the only healer

[MaxPayne19]

Melting is right, time is the only true healer. It took me almost 4 months to get over my last ex completely from all the heartache and pain she put me thru. But I also ran into her accidentally at the mall and it made me feel worse...like a deer in the headlights. I saw her with her new bf only 2 1/2 months from breaking up with me. Ulimately this made the healing process take longer for me. But once I slowly started regaining my confidence and started to meet to people. I now look back on it and laugh at myself for crying over a joke like her. It was only 9 months after our breakup and she went thru her 3rd failed relationship. Best of luck in moving on it just takes time, confidence, and determination for better.

[Live-N-Learn]

Many of us have been in your place and I am sure it was hard to see her and even worse if she thinks you were stalking her. As for sending her a message of explanation, don't worry about it, many of us have done it.

 

If you are serious about wanting to move on you should block and delete her from all social sites. Put all reminders of her in box along with any pics on your computer. Put them on a thumb drive and delete from your computer. Delete all emails and texts. Don't go to places you think she might be. Stay away from mutual friends and don't talk to them about her.

 

Then stay strict NC and give it time. Realize there is now a void in your life and you will need to fill it with other things. Find a new hobby or hang with friends. Just stay busy. It will then just be a matter of time.

[hero]

The past was great. The past was fun. The present is dark and gloomy. The future is unknown. I'm ready for the future....

 

I dont know why but that part of your post really hit me hard. Is it ok if I quote and use it as my signature?

 

As for your situation, like the others have said, only time can help you out here. Just be patient, go NC and believe in yourself.

[LP90]

Im right there with you OP, im only starting my 3rd week of NC and i CANT wait till im over her. I dont want to think about her at all anymore, i want nothing more in life right now than to forget her. She has brought more pain to me than ive ever felt or thought possible, but unfortunately seems like time is the only thing we have to help us heal. Just feels like it will never be soon enough, like the feeling will last forever.

[whaaaa]

Go to the gym, try and make more money and just keep adding value to yourself so that when and if you ever see her again you'll be genuinely happy with yourself. You just have to stick with NC. I had NC for 2 months and then broke it. Was nice to talk but ultimately I knew before I did it not to expect anything. So back to NC for good this time. The thing is just like you're broken up, there is a guy or girl getting broken up with right now. Just look at this forum. The bottom line is if she wants you back you'll know but don't hold your breath. I'm going through it right now but I've went on dates with hot chicks, have had fun, have been hitting the gym, trying to network to get more biz opportunities. This is obv for myself but also so that when I see her or if she hears anything it will all be great things about me. I'm not saying this has been easy bc I think about my ex every single day but I make it a point not to obsess and tell myself everything happens for a reason. Stupid saying bc you only say it when something bad happens but it helps you cope. good luck

[Ms Darcy]

I do not happen to agree that time is the only healer. Some people go a year or two without healing. I personally think a combination of time and the desire to improve yourself are what is necessary. Here are some questions to ask:

 

1. What were the negatives of the relationship? Positives?

2. What traits do you want your next partner to have?

3. What are your career goals?

4. What are your educational/intellectual goals?

5. What are your physical health goals?

6. What are your goals in terms of getting out and socializing?

7. Are you willing to learn how to meditate to help control your thoughts? etc

 

Then come up with a plan to meet those goals.

[Ms Darcy]

Physical exercise is extremely important as is spending time with friends - especially in the early days.

[nsomnia912]

I had thought about getting hypnotism done....just erase she was ever there.

[Unwanted]

Go to the gym, try and make more money and just keep adding value to yourself so that when and if you ever see her again you'll be genuinely happy with yourself.

 

"Just keep adding value to yourself"

 

That's great. I love that. I'm going to use that as my personal motto.

[Mustachio]

Ms Darcy is right. Time is the only thing that will heal you, but there are things you can do to determine just how much time you will need. Take comfort in your close friends it will help, and it will especially help keeping you from doing anything you shouldnt.

 

Now, in regards to the title of your thread. Do you really want to forget? Sure, the pain right now is bad, and of course if there were no memories then there would be no pain. But what is pleasure without pain, the pain makes the good times all that much better. Do you really want to just completely forget all the good times you had together? I thought the same thing at first, my breakup hurt so bad that I didnt know what to do with myself and I often wished I had never met her. And looking back on it with the wisdom I have gained from this breakup, sure I would have done things differently, but how else would I have gained this wisdom? In the end, I want to remember the good times I had, I want to remember the first time I fell in love, the first time I was physically intimate with someone. I dont want those things gone, they are a part of who I am. And through the pain of the breakup, I am a better, wiser person.

 

And the quickest way to move on... well, go live your life, and live it for yourself. Spend time with friends and family, take up new hobbies, and if you didnt before, exercise. Exercising was really one of the best things I did, I lost a bunch of weight (which I unfortunately have now gained back) but it gave me an outlet for my anger and frustration and it really does make you feel great.

[Melting]

I had thought about getting hypnotism done....just erase she was ever there.

 

That made me laugh

[dolorosa]

I found that acepting that is over also helps. For two months I was living with hopes he was going to come back, i kept photos on display, i truly believed that we were going to be fine but it was only hurting me. I decided to take control, accept the break up as final and all of the sudden I feel much better. Still hurts, and it will take some time but accepting the things you can not change does help. Good luck!

[soru]

Great advice in this thread!

 

 

 

Mustachio, you're right. I have definitely learned from that person and this whole experience. What I meant by forgetting them, is the emotion that I attached to them. I want to forget the emotional attachment.

 

I dont know why but that part of your post really hit me hard. Is it ok if I quote and use it as my signature?

 

Sure! I'm very flattered by the idea!

 

Last night I went crazy. I was so angry, so depressed that things turned out the way they did. And how I channeled that emotional energy was through my journal. I write in it all the time. Doing more than one entry a day. But I wasn't satisfied there. I even began to paint within this blank paged journal and doing plenty of artwork inside of it. One piece that really stood out to me was this page I did where I took red paint and smeared it everywhere, took yellow paint and made odd barriers around the page and took white out and expressively wrote "STOP" all over it. I wasn't even really thinking what I was doing. I just let my emotion take over. It's a powerful, expressive message that was created from my subconscious mind to my conscious mind.

 

 

Another one i did with dark green and dirty yellow paint had a splattered inked message saying

 

"FORGET + LOVE.

 

SURPRISE YOUR ENEMIES."

 

 

I dunno, i just thought it was interesting how consumed I was.

[Love1336]

Well you can always keep busy, talk to other girls. But at the end of day time is only the best thing. Beside its only been a month. Its okay to still care and be sad. There no need to rush your emotions. It just means she meant a lot to you, and even those she not show it she hurting too.

[soru]

Well you can always keep busy, talk to other girls. But at the end of day time is only the best thing. Beside its only been a month. Its okay to still care and be sad. There no need to rush your emotions. It just means she meant a lot to you, and even those she not show it she hurting too.

 

Yeah, a month isnt long at all...I'm no longer crying. Its probably a phase between anger and acceptance. I'm glad you tell me that. I thought it was weird for me to still be hurting even after a month. We had a year and a few months clocked in together, so it'd be weird for me to get over her such a short time.

[Love1336]

Yeah, a month isnt long at all...I'm no longer crying. Its probably a phase between anger and acceptance. I'm glad you tell me that. I thought it was weird for me to still be hurting even after a month. We had a year and a few months clocked in together, so it'd be weird for me to get over her such a short time.

 

Exactly love!

I'm still kinda not over my ex. I was with him for three years. But now of days I'm back to "normal" Marlene. Like I don't care, get pissy about him, stalk his facebook. Like only time i do when he causing trouble with me at the job. -__- Be glad your ex is sane and not some crazed girl who trying to make you hurt more. I think its good she stays away from you. She not playing mind games, giving you hope. Be happy love! you will HEAL.

[soru]

ARGHHHH

 

I go to a midnight showing of a movie with my good friend, and GUESS who I bump into? Why? Why can't I escape her? I love her, but I want to ease my pain. I'm so tired of her haunting my dreams and now I have to basically second guess whether I should go to this place or that, since me and her have like the same interests. Earlier that day she texted me, but I didn't respond. She said "Why did I lose confidence while I was in our relationship?" She initiated contact after about a week since I last saw her I guess. I noticed she also unblocked me on Facebook.

 

What does that even mean? So I was already sort of confused about that. I didn't want to see her so soon. But again, I bump into her. She again repeats the joking line "so you are stalking me", which made me feel even worse. After her group walks off, she texts me saying "sorry, i hope you know i'm kidding about the stalking thing." I just replied "It's ok."

 

So she was seeing a different timed show than I was. Or so I thought. Until her theater and mine had to join together because mine got cancelled. What the hell? Ugh.

 

I want another chance with her. I love this girl. But it isn't gonna happen through me. Theres nothing I can do about it. She walked away, not me. I'm trying to have fun and am slowly improving, but these constant reminders are slowing the process down. And her text earlier about her confidence had me thrown for a loop , considering I constantly tried to assure her and comfort about her confidence. Then the unblocking... What does it mean? Does she miss me? I don't understand