What did I get myself into?

[lostandscared5]

Hey everyone,

 

I would like to apologize for disappearing on you guys, but I’m back now.

 

What would you consider cheating?

 

J and I broke up in January. We went NC up until about May. He told me he has a girlfriend. They got together in April and he told me at that same he is not going to break up with her anytime soon and maybe we should not talk to each other again until he is single. He knew then that he still cares about as more than a friend, but I don’t. We went NC again up until yesterday. I called to talk to him cuz I was going through a rough time and he was there for me. I guess he has always been honest with me and I should be happy about that.

 

That night, I texted him and asked him if he cares about me as a friend or more than a friend.

 

His answer was more than a friend and that’s why he shouldn’t be talking to both of us at the same time.

 

I continued to question him and asked him if he still loves me and his answer was yes.

 

I also asked him if he would get back together with me if he was single and he just said without a doubt.

 

Then I was like do you want to meet up with me and he was like I’m afraid my feelings for you are going to come back, and yes I want to see you.

 

We didn’t set up an exact time or date to meet up yet. We went back in time and revisited/reminisced some of the memories that we had which eventually make him cum.

 

We both felt guilty after that; I felt like we’ve committed the act of adultery even though he’s not married yet. It is still considered cheating is it not?

 

I texted him early this morning and said that I feel like my heads gonna blow..yesterday got me to thinking..I don’t know what to do.

 

He texted me back with I feel really guilty..please understand- I just need time to think.

 

I texted him back with I feel guilty too..I know how you feel and I will respect you and leave you alone from now on until you are ready.

 

What the hell just happened?

 

How can a guy love their girlfriend and their ex girlfriend at the same time?

 

What the hell did I get myself into and how the hell do I get out of this mess?

 

Please feel free to comment.

[ks240030]

I'm sorry but you must break away. If he wanted to be with you, he would break up with this girlfriend and be with you. Nothing would have stopped him. Go completely NC. It is the only way to break away from this vicious cycle. If he contacts you first and wants to try one more time, he needs to be the one pursuing you! Not the other way around! You are only receiving crumbs from him. You deserve better.

[Cheetarah]

You say he cares for you more than a friend(obviously), but you don't feel the same way, right?

 

J and I broke up in January. We went NC up until about May. He told me he has a girlfriend. They got together in April and he told me at that same he is not going to break up with her anytime soon and maybe we should not talk to each other again until he is single. He knew then that he still cares about as more than a friend, but I don’t.

[lostandscared5]

What I meant by that was, I knew that he cares about me; but I did not know if he cared about me as a friend or more than a friend. I am still confused as to where I want things to go from here on out with him.

[Eocsor]

Put it this way, he's unsure of who he wants right now, you or the other girl. And he might be tempted to have a quickie with you. But having said all that he may still stick with the other girl even if you two do hook up.

 

It's not a clear enough signal to take a chance if you ask me. If he's willing to break up with the other girl thats one thing, but if not things could get messy.

[Cheetarah]

Ah, ok. Gotcha.

 

Well, dear, he had made it clear to you that it wasn't a good idea to talk until he was single. Even when you physically break apart from the relationship, there's still some lingering stuff there. I don't know if he's being entirely fair to his girlfriend by being with her and simultaneously dealing with these heavy emotions, but that's neither here nor there.

 

Put yourself in this girl's shoes. Say he was phone boning her while having made a commitment to you. How would interpret that? What would you take it as? Are those the actions of a committed person?

 

If he "without a doubt" wanted to be with you, he would "without a doubt" be with you. I would think twice about a man behaving like this to me. My ex, who I was madly, head-over-heels, silly, crazy in love with, got married a couple years after we split. Recently, out of nowhere, he's contacted me. The first few times it was innocent but towards the end of the exchanges, he talked about how he was confused, never let go of his feelings for me, etc., wrote me a sappy love letter. He can go be confused, WITH HIS WIFE. I don't want any part of that, even though a part of me is still with him. You know the saying...if he can do it to her, he can do it to me...Blah blah blah. I put myself in her shoes and there's no way I'd feel ok about that stuff. As much as I'd like to think our love is so special that it overshadows all that fidelity and faithfulness business, hah. No.

 

Leave this be. 1). He's not with you or trying to be with you, despite how he feels. 2). He has a girlfriend. 3). He has a girlfriend, and he's speaking provocatively with you. 4). He laid down the "lets not speak until I'm single" boundary.

 

Isn't that enough?

[metrogirl]

You knew he has a girlfriend, you should have just backed away. If he wants to be with you he will but you shouldn't be interfering in their relationship.

[lostandscared5]

Thank you all for your valuable input. I will try my best to leave this be. And I will come back to this forum to seek the help that I need in order to stay as far away from J as possible.