Seeing a girl with a boyfriend - trouble bound

[telc]

Hi there guys,

Ok i will try to keep this short and simple even though to me it seems so damn complicated. For the last 4 months I have been seeing this girl who has a boyfriend and she lives with him. I met her at work and it started just as friends where we would go for hiking and just hang out. I have never dabbled with a girl who has a boyfriend before. I knew she was not happy in her current relationship as she told me. As time went by I could sense it was becoming a more than friends thing. When she used to have fights with him she would call me up to be a shoulder to cry on. We shared the same days off from work so we used to hang out and one day on a hike we kissed. Things kinda moved on from that and we slept together a few times, she would stay the night and then make an excuse to her boyfriend that she stayed at her mums house. I felt really bad to be honest about the whole thing but I started to like her more and more. She said she was feeling guilty about the whole thing but couldn't help herself. We tried to cool down until she sorted her stuff out, she was always saying she was gonna break up with him soon. So I stuck by, we cooled it a little, didnt make too much contact for about a month. But then things started moving again and we made a decision that we were gonna move out together. Then a week later she tells me that she is unsure if she wants to leave her boyfriend. Having enough of all this and being emotionally drained I said I have had enough and didnt want to play this game anymore. For a week we didnt speak I actually felt better for it in a weird way knowing where I stood. I even went out on a date with another girl. Then a girl from work had a birthday party and Kelly (the girl in question) got her to call me and invite me. I pretty much knew it was her doing and decided to go. I really like this girl and care for her, i knew it was a bad move to go but I thought she may have sorted her stuff out. We had a huge chat and she told me that she didnt think I could offer her the security that her boyfriend does and that I am a bit unstable (I have backpacked extensively around the world, just finished my uni degree and still live with my parents at the moment). I was willing to move out with her I told her I was commited to the cause. Anyway she stayed that night, her boyfriend kept ringing during the night, I felt so crap about it and decided to drop her home(that was last weekend). She still tried to assure me that she was gonna sort it all out. She came round a few days ago, we watched a movie, nothing much happened, didnt talk about it at all. Have not spoken to her since. I think its time to cut my losses and move on and then I really do like her. Not sure if there is a right answer to this dilemma but any thoughts woudl be very welcome. Sorry if the story is a tad long. Thanks

[american dream]

Oh man, you don't know what you are getting yourself into. This happened to me, but I was the other guy, i.e. the boyfriend.

 

First of all, what you have done is wrong and you should be ashamed of doing it.

 

Second, I know that if and when I see the guy my ex was "hanging out with" somewhere, he is going to be VERY sorry. Call me a crazy American, but if we ever run into each other things will get very ugly and very out of control. Messing with another guys girl is one of the oldest reasons out there for a whooping. Not that you don't deserve it.

 

Finally, do you want to be with a girl who would do this to her boyfriend. Doesn't this just tell you she is a sk@nk? You want to be next? If she would do it to him (who she is living with) what makes you think she won't do it to you? Wake up.

[justtwicethen]

I have to side with American dream on this one.

 

Amen to that!

 

Telc, please understand that what you did was wrong. A real man would not touch another guy's woman.

 

I will personally come down under to teach you a lesson.

[Kittengirl]

You are heading for trouble, if a girl is really interested in you she should allow herself to be free to be with you.Neither you or her b/f are getting the best of her and the lies and deceiving will eventually be exposed if this continues.Take it from one who has been there! I think it's totally wrong to cheat. It just isn't worth the trouble and as the other post said if she will do it to her b/f she will do it to you.Sorry to be hard but she needs to be single berofe you persue this further!

[telc]

Yeah- I know guys I messed up - I am done with this. I never intended for it go work out like this and I do feel bad and ashamed of how dealt with it. The only reason I pursued it is that she told me she was not happy with him and was gonna leave him. Oh well, u play with fire - u get burned.

[electricekcentric]

she wants her cake and eat it too.and there is no anger or rage comparible to a cheated boyfriend.

[Cecelius]

I'm pretty surprised that she actually came out and said she was staying with him because of the security he offers [i'm a gold digger], after she found a shoulder to cry on and someone who actually listens [i'm a two-timing, cheater who "can't stop myself", dished on my b/f who I need for security and did another guy over the course of several days/weeks/months...].

 

Seriously, break ups are messy and girls are notorious for monkey swinging from one to another, but she made the rounds, did some "interview" cheating and then decided to stay with him.

 

Tough break, you didn't get the girl [one you've seen lie, cheat and be reckless with your feelings]. Your only error was being too nice to her: if you'd acted like it was just a good time to you, she'd be all over you by now.

 

But would you want her anyway?

[Day_Walker]

I believe its irrelevant to judge the morality of your actions at this point. As far as the situation goes it would be best to cut your losses. There is nothing more you can accomplish with this female, you have had fun with her and she with you. Leave on a good note and move on to the next female.

[telc]

Thanks guys for your thoughts and opinions - Ive tried a few times to move on and cut my losses but she always found a way to weasel back in. I guess I thought she would finally sort her stuff out - too much of a dreamer. Time to move on, thanks guys.