Recently Split with Girlfreind ended quite sudden

[stevo1565]

Hi Everyone

 

Well thought id try this out as my head is all over the place, I work in schools and visit quite a few last christmas i started talking to one of the

teachers we got really really well and sometimes id overstay my visit just so i could see her. About 4 months ago i but the bullet and gave her my number when she was leaving. I was so scared but did it anyway, a week went by and i eventully got a text saying she was really flattered but just started seeing someone and was bad timing. So i left it at that and the following week i went it just acted normal. Then she added me on FB and we started chatting one night we chatted through the night it was amazing never got tierd of it.

 

She said she needed to tell this guy as it wasnt fair if we were going to meet & it was nothing at all anyways he lived miles away. So we started going out things were amazing to the point of were we could not stop being together i spent most of my time where she lives and it was great. We had a few mis understanding were i would just close up and not speak about it for a while but i had a rough time 6 years ago over a break up and ended up in hospital the girls after that just cheated one last year id known from school she ended up running off with someone else. So most of the time we would eventually speak about what bothered me but never turned into an argument

 

Anways she is 32 im 28 she rang me one day and asked me what my stance was on babys so i said id much rarther settle down and be with that person before anything like that, she kind of took offence to that and said she is 32 her body tells her she is ready which is fair enough and im only 28 so i dont give it a second thought.

 

Things went on great then about a week and a half ago we went to her best freinds had another little disagreemt over somthing silly but didnt speak until we got home but could feel the tension i felt bad in the morning that i closed up so appologised to her. She was due to go on a hen do so i offered to giver her a lift in i could sense she was annoyed still about the misunderstandings but surley this is part and parcel of having a relationship getting to know someone ????

 

I didnt hear much from her apart from she was having a good time then a text at 5 saying she just got in lost phone had a great time. so i text back saying glad you had a good time love you how about dinner monday ? I got a reply late morning saying she was going on a diet and did not want to go to eat anything and that she wanted some time alone to do work and be alon. So i respected this and just sent the occasional message one a day. We arranged to meet up about 4 days later but she canceled it then friday and she was going to cancel that so i just said that its been the toughest week we spoke every day for 2.5 months now nothing and could i just come over be with her watch a dvd. She agreed so i went round we spoke and worked things out just that i needed to communicate more if we have these mis understandings and that we both agreed to slow things down we ended up making love and i stayed over. Then out of no where in the morning as soon as she woke i got hit with "I dont want to be in this relationship anymore" "Idodnt feel the way i should feel" "i dont love you" so i explained a bit about my past and why the way i was at times not to blackmail her but so she understood i told her i needed to remove her from FB and delete her number and ask to removed from her school for a while. I really loved her saw it going places so id find it hard to see her. I then left as soon as i got in the car i was having a major panic attack but fought through it and drove to a freinds spent the whole day moping arround and went for a big drive with him explaining about it all.

 

She did text saying your a nice guy youll meet somone etc but i text back saying the way you left me hanging been so cold the last week then made me feel like everything was fine then sleep with me was wrong and to leave me alone.

 

I do find it at the best of time to deal with these so of things due to what happened 6 years ago i do not want a relapse but i get so so scared i will when this happens just cant understand how she can be so into me one week then boom goodbye thats it. I never did anything wrong treated her like a princess picked her up when she was down was always there i dont understand we were so close it hurts so bad and ive been put on sleeping tablet as ive been waking up with major anxiety attacks.

 

Im sorry this is so long guys its just it tears me apart

Ste

[stevo1565]

Just a quick update :

 

So i spoke with my boss and asked to be removed from the school for a while more so i can have NC with her he had to go to the school and speak with the head she already knew my ex must of told her which i fair enough i just asked for it not to blown up or affect her at all as its my choice. I found this so hard as it was like the last bit our relationship and prooved it was all over. I just said id like to be moved until the summer holidays are over but would re asses after. I keep looking at my phone hoping she will text or appologise for last Friday. I guess i need to concentrate on me for once which i find hard as i alway try to make sure everyone else is happy.

I just find it hard that she can switch off her feelings or not care about others feelings. I miss her so much

[endy]

Yeah,

 

The fact that you are so distant is an issue you need to address. You can't be in a healthy relationship like that. I would take a good look at yourself and figure out how you can be a bit better in relationships. I'm not saying that it's your fault the breakup happened. It's never one person's fault.

 

Try reading the journey from abandonment to healing by susan anderson. The fact that you withdrawal when something goes wrong seems to be more of a deeper issue. Are you sure it's not from your childhood and not from your relationship 6 years ago? If it effects you that bad, you most likely have an abandonment issue from childhood. It must actually be somewhat of an issue because it still effects your adult relationships. Start on that book and then there's a lot of others you can read. I think once you look deep enough and start to understand why you are like that you'll be able to change it.

 

I want you to understand that a lot of these issues take some professional help to move on from. It's not that easy to do for some people. If you feel at any time you need that I would get help. I'm not here to try to put you down. You are good enough, but you need to believe that. Don't believe because someone left you that you aren't good enough. You are, and that's half of the problem. You need to believe in yourself, and love yourself first and foremost. Just go NC and start working on those issues you figure out you may have.