How to break up with a friend

[cherryberry123]

I've known this girl every since we were 3 or 4 years old. (Let's call her "Tammy") She was a year older than me, and we were neighbours. We became best friends and were inseparable.

 

When we got into high school, we completely separated. We were in different crowds, and rarely spoke to each other. It's natural to move on from friends...

 

Here we are now, out of high school and started careers. I'm 24 years old now, and will be finishing school. Tammy and I have gone completely different paths in our lives. I will be finishing off university and looking for a professional career. Tammy is living with her boyfriend with very difficult financial problems. They are both living pay cheque to pay cheque. But they did this to themselves, by not paying off old debts and buying new gadgets constantly. Her boyfriend is pretty much unemployed, and a huge liar. I cannot stand him. He lies about his income and his past jobs of being a high ranking officer. This man has not even graduated highschool, and does not even have a driver's license!

She has just become so unreliable,my trust for her has gone out the window. She does not return anything she borrows from me, she constantly asks to borrow things, she somewhat cons me into buying something for her. For example, we went to a coffee shop together. The cashier asks, "What will you guys get?". She orders a tea, and moves AWAY from the cash desk. "Is that all?", the cashier asks. Tammy turns to me and says, "What are you getting, Cherry?". I ordered my coffee. "Is this order together?". I turn to Tammy, and she gives me this look...waiting for me to just say it'll be one bill. I pay for the damn thing, and she turns to me and thanks for paying. I never even offered.

There was another time when she offered to take me out for dinner for my birthday. She tells me she has no money on her. On my birthday, I had to pay for both of our bills.

She has the nerve to say she always has my back, and always pays for me. Who is she kidding?! I barely remember her treating me to anything!

 

I am so fed up with this friendship, and I have given up long time ago.I cannot stand people who are so irresponsible and put the burden on others. I have this feeling that if I remain friends with her, she will come begging for money in her difficult financial situation. She has no direction in life, and constantly changing her goals. Some of them are unrealistic, and it changes every month.

I don't call her, I avoid her calls, I never ask to catch up, I keep my distance...but still to this day, she still tries to remain in contact. I ran into her boyfriend recently, and he coaxed me to call her. There was no way out of the situation. He kept telling me Tammy has been trying to contact me for a while now.

She still talks about wedding this man, and she wants me to be her maid of honor. I do not deserve that title. I don't want it. I just don't care anymore. I cannot help the way I feel, she has just lost all respect from me.

 

 

How do I just move away from this friendship? I want to just completely break it off with this woman, and live my life.

[RedDress]

Personally, I'm not a fan of burning bridges. While she has changed in the last 20 years, rest assured, she will change again in the next 20. There is value in someone who cares for you and has been around for a long time... even if it's really, really hard to see it right now.

 

Of course - that still leaves you with the money issue and the general not wanting to be around her issue.

 

My advice would be, for starters, to not go to expensive places together. If you DO get together, go for coffee and expect to pay the $2-$3 for her coffee every time. Really? I mean... how much is that? I'm sure you can afford the $2 every few months.

 

As far as borrowing is concerned - say no. As far as the maid of honour thing is concerned - say no.

 

Personally, I would do exactly as you are doing. Call her every 3 or 4 months. Only go for coffee. Be a little "busy". But... you know... like I said... people change. I'm willing to bet that at some point she'll get tired of constantly borrowing, having a lying bf, etc. all the time and the tides will shift.

 

That's my take on it. But, I'm sure others will disagree.

[Ms Insecure]

Ha, ha - I couldn't help but laugh throughout your post. It was pretty funny. XD

 

I find it amazing that you knew her since you were 3 or 4 and are still in touch with her, but from what you wrote, it's gotten out of hand, and you definitely don't want her getting money out of you, but the thing is, she CAN'T if you don't let her, just like she can't keep in contact with you if you don't let her. You said that her boyfriend coaxed you into calling her, and I understand that you felt pressured, we ALL do, but the truth is, we can always choose something that says and means NO, even if it feels like it's hard to do. What I mean by that is, you could have kept NOT being in contact with her. You've already done the no communication thing and ignoring thing...KEEP DOING IT. For your phone, changing your number is recommended, but if you don't want to have to do that and if you don't want to keep having to run into them and being involved with them, let them or Tammy know straight up, and it wouldn't hurt to tell her that her decisions in her life seem to be going in a wrong direction, either. Confront her about everything that she's doing and walk away, or better yet...just keep ignoring her and telling her NO. Stand your ground and let her know that you WANT to be a stranger.

 

@RedDress's post: Yeah, that's true, but you can't just wait around for someone to change, and that girl needs to start paying for her own *damn* coffee, as well as her 'gifts' to people. I would get sick of that treatment. But you know...like I said before about it not hurting to let her know about her decisions, if you care about her, it would be good for her to know for that reason, too, but this situation is also a bit strange since you two have separated for so long and she's acting like you've been a very close friend of hers ever since despite the way she probably knows she's treating you. Agh! I can't stand people like that! Her changing would be realizing after you've let her know and go that what she did to you was wrong and then stop doing it, finally being a good friend who you've known since childhood.

 

And by the way...is that you or Britney Spears on your avatar? Very pretty! =)