Boyfriend lied about talking to ex gf... what do i do?

[arsenic_n_lace]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for around 8 months, we had previously dated for 3 years, we broke up for 1 1/2 years and then got back together. When we were split up he started dating this girl named "May".

 

Well I went to use his computer one day and Facebook was open, I know it was wrong but I couldn't resist the temptation. I saw that he had messaged May a few months back asking how she was and since then it seems that one of them has said something to the other every couple months or so. The last message that he sent to her was sent this Monday.

 

Now, I don’t have a problem with him talking to her since I saw from the messages that it was just casual and nothing fishy going on, what I do have a problem with is him lying about it. We’ve had a conversation about how we would both want to know if one of us were talking with an ex but he has never told me that he’s talked with her.

 

I asked him yesterday if he’s talked to her since they broke up and he said no. I even asked him a few times in different ways and he said no every time... since the last time he said something was as recent as Monday I find it hard to believe that he’s forgotten so he’s lying to me.

 

I want to tell him that I know so that I can find out why he’s lying about it but then he would know that I was on his Facebook and I don’t want him to know that. So what should I do? I just don’t understand why he would lie to me about talking with her since I already explained to him that if it was just friendly I wouldn’t be upset and that I just want to know.

 

I know looking on his Facebook was wrong and I shouldn’t have done it but now that I have and I know they’ve been talking I don’t understand why he’d lie, it makes me wonder if he’s lying about anything else.

[banal]

He might regret having hidden the correspondence from you in the first place, and now he doesn't want to start anything with it, figuring it's easiest to just lie. I would say that, since you looked at his messages and saw nothing foul, that nothing foul is going on.

 

I do share your unease about his lying though. That's for sure.

[Ariel85]

So, you can't understand why he would lie, yet you betrayed his trust by snooping and invading his privacy. And that's OK?

 

Maybe he lies to you because he knows how you blow things out of proportion and like to control his life? Just a thought.

[Stay_home]

Not everyone that breaks up after a relationship goes cold "NC" and never speak again. There was once a history there, a chemistry and perhaps a special bond; something they once shared. Facebook is a networking tool (improperly used often) to keep in touch with friends, old classmates, family etc.. She was once a part of his life and you cannot expect that segment of his past to vanish the minute you two become involved. As long as he wasn't passing anything inappropriate and it's every so often, no harm and no foul. He probably did not want to tell you because he was afraid of your reaction. And with you going through his facebook account, I see why...

[Oneironaut]

Regardless of whether or not the OP snooped, he -lied-, and her snooping is no justification for dishonesty in a relationship.

 

A real man would stand up to her and say, "I know you've been going through my email/FB/computer/whatever, and I don't appreciate it, so please knock it off"...not purposely lie to her just to retaliate. That's would an immature boy would do.

 

OP, I'm curious as to WHY you felt the irresistible urge to look at his FB. Has he given you any reason in the past to think he might be hiding something from you?

[DylanNotorious]

What's done is done, and since it's done, you should have just told him that you know he's been lying.

 

It's human nature to snoop, and since he left his facebook open - bad luck to him. Ok you snooped, but he lied.

 

You have to ask yourself, why he feels the need to talk to her. That's the real question.

[ant86]

Maybe he lied because he was afraid of how you'd react if you found out he was talking to his ex. It was the wrong thing to do, something similar that I've done and totally regret, but he slipped and made a mistake. Seeing how it was an ex, I'm sure he panicked and just did something stupid by lying. Judging from the content of the message and seeing how it was harmless, I wouldn't explode in his face or anything. Talk to him and tell him that you saw his messages and that you don't appreciate the lying. However, at the same time you should apologize for snooping. I know snooping is enticing and everyone does it, but if you're in a relationship you need to respect his privacy.