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How to keep NC if you bump in to your EX

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Hello all,

I would appreciate your feed back on what happened yesterday.


I am day 12 of NC and yesterday bumped into my ex at the gym. After the break-up I emerged into work and reading on this site and have neglected the physical exercising, so I decided I have to resume the sports. Apart from that, the gym is one of the best in Brussels and the subscription fee costs a fortune and I hate squandering money for nothing. I tried intentionally to avoid the gym the first week while the pain was too acute in fear of breaking down if by accident I run into him. The gym hall is quite big, so there is no need to pass by people you do not want to meet. So, I started the work out and didn’t see him in the beginning and when I moved to another machine I saw him looking at me with a big smile as if inviting me to approach him. Which I didn’t do of course, just nodded my head as the minimum civility requires, and completely ignored him for the rest of the work out. You know sometimes you feel with the skin of your back when somebody is looking at you, so I got the impression he was looking at me. Just to be on the safe side and upset him as much as possible (he's jealous by nature), I was playing from time to time with my mobile, reading and texting to the guy I resumed to seeing just after the break up. In my opinion that was well noticed. A word of explanation: at the time I had two guys competing for my attention, I was seeing both of them but did not sleep with neither of them. After a month or so, I had made my choice and was totally honest with the other guy by telling him that I am interested in another man. I think my honesty has been appreciated, although in the beginning he didn’t swallow it easily. So when the things went south with the CEO (the guy I split up with is a CEO of a big company in Belgium), the other man was still quite interested to see me. I warned him that I am not in the right emotional place and that he should not put pressure on me to jump in bed with him. Well, he is quite patient with me, I am lucky to have him around. The only thing he wanted me to promises him is that I am not going back to the director guy. Which I did, because honestly it doesn’t make any sense to go back to a self-centered, old (we have 14 year age difference), arrogant, mama’s boy, womanizer who only had limited time for me and thought that I would be OK if he’s a friend with his EX! Sure, this deal did not work for me, and I am not putting up with his crap only because it is CEO’s crap.


So, tell me guys did I handled it well in the gym, and if not how could I improve.


Thanks in advance to all of you who took the time to read and reply. Sorry if the English is not perfect, I am not a native speaker (I am coming from Eastern Europe, hence the nickname, a former air traffic controller).

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Hi Dllama,

You know I've been reading your posts on NC and "reasons not to be a friend with an EX" like the Bible. You have provided a really great insight for people in difficult times.

On the situation at hand, yeah going at a different time is what I was thinking of too. This is why I am at work today almost 2 hours earlier than I normally come in office. I enjoy a "flexible" work schedule where I have to do 8 working hours/day starting at my choice between 7.30 and 10.00. So, I will finish early today and then off to the gym and after the gym Turkish bath, sauna and a cold beer… yeah life is pleasant and whatever happens I will enjoy it. Certainly I would not like to quit this lovely club (it’s more than a gym) just because of an EX.


Fortunately he has no FB, he considers him too important and he protects his privacy, the narcissist that he is! In Europe people (specially of the older generation, and he will be 51 soon) are still going places to meet new people, less into the internet as a means to socialise/date.


I have prepared a list of the reasons why he is bad for me and I have these papers everywhere –on my desk, at home, in the car; so that I am constantly reminding myself why I have to stay away from the EX. Yesterday in the gym I had one of those sticky yellow notes glued to my club badge and I was reading it to reinforce my determination while he was around. Good that it is written in Cyrillic and nobody understands what’s on it; else I would imagine people would be very entertained while reading my reasons to split with an EX!

But I must say it helps me a lot. Posting on this site as well. Have a good day.

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  • 4 months later...

Some months ago an update to this story was requested and let me give this update and close the story (at least to me it is closed).


I didn't send a "Happy birthday" text to this ex 1 month after the BU, in fact to me his birthday was rather the 1 month anniversary of NC.


The summer brake came and we were supposed to go together with Mr. CEO on summer holidays together, all the reservations were on my name. It is true that this made me think a lot about him during the summer holidays, but I kept NC.


Fast forward to October, I was seeing him in the gym a couple of times, but both of us kept our distances from each other and just said "hi". Then somewhere in October he came to me in the gym one evening and started to complain that his work was too stressful and he didn't have a summer break, sort to say he gave indications that he is still single after our break up. The haughty person he is, I think that was a lot for him to say. But I played it cool and politely responded that it was a pity he was so overloaded with work, but the weather in Greece is still good and he may still have the chance to have nice holidays before winter. I have given a word to my self that unless he sincerely aplogises and asks me to be his girlfriend again, I wouldn't consider going back to him. So, his talking to me and trying to make me feel sorry for him, didn't work. I have read suffcicnt stuff on this forum to be sucked back in easily.


Some 10 days ago I found at home a psychological profile report of him that was made by a personnality assessment company and he brouht it to my place and left it there before the BU. It is a really good peace of work and didn't want to throw it to the waste bin and since I have deleted all his contact details, I've sent a one line message to his work e-mail, saying that I am still ahold of his report and would like to give it back to him when we cross each other at the gym. He replied immediately , thanking me for being thoughtful and confirmed that he really wanted to get his report back. And he invited me to dinner saying "We had such an excellent time together and we are not enemies (I hope), I would be delighted to invite you to dinner." I have replied politely that "it is true that we are not enemies, but we are not friends either and since I was not treated correctly during our brief encounter, I will not share a dinner with you." To which, he responded that he understood. I handed him the report at the gym and that was it. To me the story is closed and no matter how supperficial it may sound I am glad I could turn him down on the dinner thing. He'd better think twice before he started playing with a woman's heart next time. :sorrow:

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All I can say is - you rock! You handled that admirably.


I have replied politely that "it is true that we are not enemies, but we are not friends either and since I was not treated correctly during our brief encounter, I will not share a dinner with you."


Just beautiful. Stays civil, but makes the point without being nasty. Might make him think twice for his next "brief encounter."

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I found in that forum a really supportive community, thank you all.


I was really suffering at the time of the break-up, now 5 months later i can only laugh at it. NC really works and I do not know a better recipie for mending a broken heart. Cheers.

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