Luigi68 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I have struggled this weekend, just keep going over and over why I failed. How could someone who means so much to me and says the same about her feelings about me treat me so badly. It is like i never existed and she already moved on with another. She wants me to be able to pop in when I want and for us to have a great relationship going forward but with my exmate dating my ex so suddenly I find it hard to contemplpate that. I want her sooo much to be in my life. I never felt love like this before, Just don't know how to deal with it. I know it is still raw but these feelings drive me insane!! Just needed a rant! Link to comment
scarlett27 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 the fact she has moved on so quickly means she was fake and false , you should be thanking your lucky stars that she has left as she has proven you are far too good for her x Link to comment
Luigi68 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 i know this sounds like i defending her a little but previously we have been through so much I just think she got low and he has taken advantage of a temporarily deluded mind! Link to comment
annieperson Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 you want her back so bad to make the hurting stop. Imagine she all of a sudden called you up and said she made a big mistake and she wanted you back right now. How would that make you feel? Excited? Sure, because then your hurt stops. but for how long? So imagine now you are about a month in to your reconcilliation. Are you still happy? Maybe, but are you also not still a little angry that she just dismissed you the way she did? Are you not still angry that she hooked up with your best friend so easily? Do you totally trust that she will never do that again? Those my friend are unresolved issues and unless you deal with them on your own, you are not going to be good for her or anybody else. You need to truly heal on your own first. Allow the hurt to come and then it will pass. In my first months being apart, I literally thought I was going to die. The pain was unbearable. We have said before that we have similiar relationships now with our exes. We still have a close relationship with them and we all thought we were soulmates. I would call and text my ex and practically beg him to take me back. He was caring and would talk to me for hours and would never not take my call but he said that getting back together is too easy but until we work on our issues seperately, we can never be good together. Good advice. She left you and moved on. This is on her, not you. I don't know your exact situation and there are always two sides to every story but she clearly does not commit totally to someone when she has a relationship with them if it was so easy for her to move on. You left your heart on the table, she kept hers tucked away safely. Which is probably why it is so easy for her. Your ex best friend should be prepared for some heartache that is coming his way from her. Learn from the hurt you are feeling and then allow yourself to heal. You will come out the other side a better man, I promise. Link to comment
Luigi68 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Your reply makes so much sense and resonates with things she said at the time. I too good for her she says, she continually will hurt me she says, maybe she is right and maybe it is her that needs the counselling - i suggested but she said 'you have to want to be helped'. That is a sad state of mind and i just wish she could see the person i see in her - she has had a tough life and together we could have made it work and exorcised demons etc etc. I am trying to 'toughen' myself up over this but it ain't half hard!! I want to be able to walk away, get on with my life and see whether she initiates contact when the new man is not all he seems at the minute. I would not necessarily rush back either despite my very strong feelings - i would want to commit to a way forward that would work for both of us! Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 You stop hurting after you allow yourself to go through the healing process. You will be in denial, anger, shock, guilt, pain and reflection. Sometimes they come in spurts, and all at one time, and often you will wonder when it will end. For me, I find that the hurt stops when your thoughts and reflections turn to another source, rather than the person who has created hurt for you. Link to comment
annieperson Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 We are here for you Luigi. I know the feeling of wanting to force the person to see in them what you see. you just want to scream at them until they get it! her words to you prove that her heart was never yours and until she gets some help she will never know what a true loving relationship feels like. Maybe instead of thinking about the loss of love, I think we just need to pity her and know that you are already so further ahead in your life than she is in hers. It's she that doesnt deserve YOU my friend. Link to comment
Luigi68 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Thank you. I have supported her through so much and her the same with me it is criminal that we couldn't get to the stage where we moved on together. I am trying to see it as her loss but after spending so much time speaking texting supporting, being with each other the void that it has left is devastating! I am determined to get through and am searching for enough self-respect to enable me to love myself again Link to comment
annieperson Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Oh Luigi - we are so in the same place! what a pair! lol Link to comment
Luigi68 Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 exactly - what a pair! I many ways Ican't see myself being with anyone else but know i need to think that way Link to comment
annieperson Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Isn't it a scary thought?! the thought of going on a date and even pretending to care about another person right now is absolutely exhausting! I am definitely not ready for that but I do miss having someone (other than my girlfriends) to do things with like going to a movie, laying with on the couch, cooking with. Just the simple little things. Link to comment
Alexandra05 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Also just go NC and take it 1 day at a time... Link to comment
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