Advice! Dont understand..

[JenGurl]

SO me and my ex have been broken up for awhile now. He still calls and we talk sometimes. Some convos are better than others. Sometimes he is jus plain out mean. I dont understand why? He puts me down and makes fun of me all the time just for no reason. He will go out of his way to try to ruin my day. But other times he talks about how he loved me more than anything on this earth and blah blah. how he misses me etc. but then he will pop off with some rude comments about me or something stupid that will annoy me. I sometimes go on block just so he cant im me.. I dont think its fair. Ive done nothing but try to be nice to him.. And why is it after all this i still have some kind of feelings for him in my heart... and find myself thinking of the good times.. When all he does right now is make me feel bad? Ive tried the NC thing Its worked ok but he still finds someway to get in contact.. Please give me some reasons why he would be doing this?? He wasnt at all like this when we first met....

[cawls]

what were the reasons why you broke up. this jerk needs to grow up abit. he is been very imature and you can tell him i said that. when my girlfriend broke up with me we stoped talking. she didnt say nothing bad to me and i said nothing nasty about her. thats how it should be. dont give him the time or the day you are worth more thatn him. some one who onced loved you shouldnt make you feel bad and put you down, its just not right. stop all contact with the imature boy. even if he keeps trying to contact you dont bother. why should you if he is going to make you feel bad. there will be some one out there who will make you feel very special, loving towards you, compliment you and love you loads. what can this boy offer you???(anger, upset, nasty comments) i know what i would do and thats just fcuk him off all together.

[lady00]

sounds like a mixed signaler and a jerk. If I were you, I would not talk to him anymore. he is very inconsistent with his treatment of you. he doesn't deserve your friendship.

[JenGurl]

We broke up after 2yrs. We were engaged and living together in his home state. My family was going through some things and wanted me to be home. We came home for a visit and i wanted to stay longer so he decided to leave without me. We tried the long distance thing but it didnt work out because he would tell me about how girls at his work would mess with him and flirt with him so it hurt me alot. HE even called me and told me he slept with some girl friend of his sisters in his bed the bed we shared and that he did it with her in MY spot.. talking about low i was so depressed and upset about it. I thought i was over him until i ran into him and his family at the beach. He tried to talk to me i wouldnt talk to him. I thought he was the love of my life but i can see now where i was wrong and naive...

[Dezeard]

The most healthy thing for you to do would be to press the "block" button on him in life. You don't need negative influences like that in your life.

[kantore]

I do not know why you stand for this. It shows a major lack of respect. The only thing I can think of is that he likes to know that he has enough of an affect on you that he can treat you like crap, and you'll still swarm like a fly. It is almost like his power trip, and it also works because it brings you down. Other people can sense this, and it makes your esteem go down, making you less desirable. So in essense he is preventing you from moving on. But think of this as a blessing in desguise because it is easier to get over someone when they piss you off. So although he is putting you where he wants you to be, eventually you will get fed up, and moving on will be easy. PM me if that was just way too confusing and you need further clarfication.

Kantore

[OhJeeeez]

Man, I wish the girl I am dating would read this thread. She has an ex that she was in love with at one time that won't leave her alone. This messes things up for us because she can't fully move on till he leaves her alone.

[sweetlou522]

It sounds like his a jerk and i would stop talking to him all together or tell him if he wonts to talk to you. tell him to stop puting you down and stuff like that. Becuase no girl should be put down like that. best of luck!

[butterflykiss]

Has the abuse gone past verbal/emotional?

It sounds like a classic abuser/controller vs. codepenent victim relationship to me. Been there. A therapist helped open my eyes and there is much info on the www if you can't afford it. If you don't find some links, post back and I'll find some.

Learning about abusers and their behaviors will help you understand what he is doing to you, and maybe give you insight into why. It will help you understand that his behavior is not about you, except inasmuch as you are enabling him because you don't understand the dnamic yet. It will also help you begin to examine the reasons you respond to him with acceptance rather than indignantly shutting him out of your heart because you KNOW at your core that you refuse to accept anyone treating you badly, cuz you're all that enough to get way better.

When you understand those things you will have begun getting yourself out of the loop of attracting and being attracted to that sort of man, and open you to the type of guy who treats you as you deserve.

I wish you well.