My Best Friend Broke My Heart

[RealCity19]

So I have been best friends with this girl for close to 10 years. We met in college and never looked back. The last 2 years of our relationship we decided to try dating. We know everything about one another and get along very well. This was a long distance relationship and 3 months ago she decided to break it off stating all kinds of reasons, ranging from I don't work hard enough(got promoted in the last 6 months), she felt like she was settling, she didn't trust me and she is tired of long distance, when it turns out she just had someone else lined up to take my spot. This was all done while I was looking at moving to be closer with her as I thought she was the one.

 

This guy confessed his love to her years ago but she never budged. He sent her gifts but she always said it meant nothing and she was not attracted to him. I would get bothered by it but never said anything to him because I am not the jealous type or the confrontational type, I believe in trust and I trusted her word, however she knows how much he bothers me. They started dating three weeks after our break up and have been together for about 2 months now(which by the way he is also a long distance relationship.) I originially tried to win her back(I know big mistake even begged) but the day she told me about him I went NC and have been so for 2 months now. I miss her very much and still very much love her. We talked everyday for close to 10 years and now I haven't spoken to her in 2 months.

 

She still plays games from time to time when he isn't in town emailing/texting/facebooking me, my family and my very best friends once every week or so. We had all mutual friends until the breakup and they have all come to my aide and cut off ties with her as she had some run ins in the past.. She has basically nothing left but him and her new friends in grad school.

 

No one acknowledges her anymore so obviously their advice to me is to push her out of my life, however I have a bigger heart than that and I still love her. I know I should listen to my friends and family but is NC the right thing here when you still hope for a future and have not interfered in her new relationship? In the mean time I have bettered myself physically and decided to further my education as well. What's the next step and what is her reasoning?

[lostgirll]

She is you best friend and you love her , but she broke your heart!! Well aren't you angry with her ?

Dude, come on she is moving on with her life even dating you know that..

Even you know that she is playing games with you...

Just be hard on her and yourself , I know you are gonna miss her .. but let her realise her mistake!

[RealCity19]

Like I said, to this point I have not said a word. I was furious with her. I told her to never talk to me again, then two days later she texted me asking if I wanted to talk about it, in which I did not respond. I defriended her from facebook and she has now twice tried to become my friend again. She emailed me asking why I didn't include her in an outing with all of our mutual friends. I did not respond to any of these. Since then, she hasn't gotten an answer from me, our mutual friends, my family. Does she still care if she continues to contact me indirectly? By that I mean she contacted the guy who is basically going to be the best man at my wedding(whenever that may be.) She told a family member that she would hate to never get to see my family again and she hopes she can one day return to my hometown as she always enjoyed going there. She keeps pulling things like that. Honestly, she has to know she is not welcome in my parents home, what are her and her boyfriend going to visit?

[lostgirll]

you should clear things with her, you should let her know how your family, friends and you feel about her!! let her know that you don't want her to play games like that... you know just say it face to face!

[RealCity19]

you should clear things with her, you should let her know how your family, friends and you feel about her!! let her know that you don't want her to play games like that... you know just say it face to face!

 

Truthfully, it's not my place to tell her how our mutual friends feel, that and it can start other unnecessary drama. She can figure that out on her own. I have been NC for 2 months now and she knows I am one to forgive and forget. I think my silence speaks for itself and to speak to her would only open a new wound. I hate not talking to her but, it won't make life easier knowing how happy she is with someone else, I just don't know if she is actually happy if she continues to contact me.

[lostgirll]

Truthfully, it's not my place to tell her how our mutual friends feel, that and it can start other unnecessary drama. She can figure that out on her own. I have been NC for 2 months now and she knows I am one to forgive and forget. I think my silence speaks for itself and to speak to her would only open a new wound. I hate not talking to her but, it won't make life easier knowing how happy she is with someone else, I just don't know if she is actually happy if she continues to contact me.

 

ok i kind of get you, but what are you confused about? You know what's the right thing to do...

and you gotta stop her from contacting you in direct or indirect ways !!!

[vivia12]

Interesting,she is tired of an LDR with you but manages to have an LDR with another guy. Now your in the Friendzone when hes not around she text,e-mails you.

From someone whose in the dreaded Friendzone from an LDR,while he's with someone else_And is working to get out of this friends thing.

I say dont do it,she didnt chose you,she chose that other guy,whatever excuses she made is to cover up the fact that she wanted the relationship with this other guy.

As much as you love her,think about yourself,obviously it doesnt feel good to know some else is chosen over you. Keep that in mind.

You dont have to totally cut her off,but dont be so available,treat her as thos friends you could care less,the ones you wouldnt be replying to right away.

Trust me,se cant have her cake and eat it to while its eating you up she's not with you.

[RealCity19]

I must say NC has been helpful, however, I have my good days and I have my bad days. I was with some friends this weekend who grew up with her, two girls in particular and they were best friends with my ex dating back to middle school. They have since cut off all ties and are completely cutting her off from both of their weddings based on her rash decisions(more than just this but this was the icing on the cake for them.) They went as far as to say they feel sorry for her, because she has no true friends anymore, no one she can call that truly knows her and her past.

 

I am at a point now where I don't know whether to even carry on a friendship with her. She has been a big part of my life and like I said, I still love her, but I feel any contact with her will just bring me back down. I certainly know I can not be there for her new relationship, which I think eventually will fail, but I have no respect for him after he played second fiddle to me for so long and sent her the things that he did while we were dating. I will NOT play second fiddle to him and I told her I would not be there for her. I begged for her back early on but since she told me about him I have not said a word to her or responded to emails/texts. I am getting to the point where I am feeling bad for her as well as she is grasping for straws, and I would be there for her usually, but this time she needs to figure it out on her own I feel. As far as friendship, she lost everything, and at this rate I am going to follow suit.