Girl wants to casually date...how to make her 'want' you?

[abitbroken]

abitbroken, you were right about what you said before: The 'physical' can be taken slowly, but the 'emotional' cannot (if it's there, it's there). That's what I was so confused about earlier. But i'm fairly certain that the 'emotional' is there for her, but she's giving it a tough time allowing it in. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that (if I make any sense haha).

 

You are playing psychologist as far as diagnosing that she has emotions but doesn't want to let them in. No matter the emotions she has, she is being very clear with you that she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She is clearly still hurting from her last breakup and is transferring her fears about her ex and about future relationships on to you. She is giving you mixed messages by fooling around in the sack with you, but still telling you "no." I think it was in your best interest with her first sign of resistance to NOT be sexual with her because sex and other physical intimacy stirs up a lot of feelings and they dont just have to be feeling of attachment, but it can also stir up old unfinished emotional business and what ever else is raw.

 

She is not clearly ready because she is already treating you like you are a cheater - suspicious when you don't call or you aren't available or you go follow through with your commitments (tutoring), suspivious of crashing at your sisters. A gal who has healed just even a little will take you at face value until she suspects trouble.

 

The "relationship" is NOT naturally progressing that way (into a relationship). You are looking at is: We are joking on text. CHECK. We slept together CHECK. She saw comfortable hanging out with me while she was with her friends CHECK. when in reality it should be . Met a girl CHECK. She and I are on the same page as far as wanting a relationship and we are in the process of seeing if eachother is the one for us before going exclusive CHECK. She is emotionally available, as am I CHECK

 

I think that you are out to prove to this girl who you really are, but you cannot prove anything to her because she can't see it that way and is not prepared for. She is putting you in a box.

 

Just a question: why do you sleep at so many peoples houses? Why not crash exclusively at your sisters house, or a friend etc instead of 4 different places? Also, are you really "near your mom" if you are in the city all the time and hardly home? It doesn't seem that if you moved near your mom to help her that it serves its purpose at all. Why not start socializing in the outer burrows and meet women outside of bars who live near home or move back to the city if you are never seeing mom because you are in the city - and btw, 45 minutes each way is not really that far to justify sofa surfing unless you stay out til 3 every night. To me, its not the sign of a 'grown up" when that occurs. Its one thing if you stay with someone for part of the week due to work, but flopping on a different sofa every night instead of cutting the night short to get home at a reasonable time on a regular basis if you are looking for women who are closer to your age doesn't really fly. It implies to gals that you are still a party boy versus are looking to settle down and meet someone serious. You are looking for a gal who lives in the right part of town so you can eventually crash with her, or at least that is what girls may think.

 

Anyway, sorry for that diversion. But I think this girl is being loud and clear.

[canonrebel]

I think that you are out to prove to this girl who you really are, but you cannot prove anything to her because she can't see it that way and is not prepared for. She is putting you in a box.

 

I can agree with this statement. She does have me in a certain 'box', but I know i'm not part of that 'box'. She obviously has a lot of questions about me and I am willing to bare all and let her know everything. From the outset she had pinned as a certain type, but I truly am not that type! I'm not a 'heartbreaker' (in fact, i'm probably the broken), and I sorta got blindsided by a great girl when I was looking to date around. Don't want to get too deep into my past, but it goes like 1) being cheated on, 2) losing a loved one, and 3) having the rug pulled from under me.

 

As for crashing at friends places...that happens just on weekends, if at all (and sometimes during the week). The commute is 1.5 hours ONE WAY! The LIRR is nowhere near home and I definitely don't want to drive out. I am home a decent amount of time (most of the weekdays). She would always ask how i'd get home after we stayed out late, and I would just tell her i'd crash somewhere, and thought I was just hooking up with friends, which is entirely false. And yeah, nothing's really 'natural' about how she and I are going about things, but we've only started to open recently. We had our first 'talk' about things two weeks ago, and then again this past weekend. I'm trying to play a day-date so we can talk and clear the air about a few things.

[abitbroken]

This is a lot of air clearing and convincing for having only went out with this girl a short time.

[Br7]

So how did the story end? I’m quite curious, to be honest, as I’m in a similarish situation