ferna3069 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 ok im thinking of sending a email to my ex.i told her to give it a month so we can talk. she was the one to break up with me . because she felt uncomfterable in her own skin. she told me how scared she was of the world. this girl was abused as a kid.at the end of the relationship we both had high emotions.and things where said in both sides. the month already passed and she told me not to forget about her so this is what im thinking of saying. its been two months since the break up.you told me not to forget about you so here gos an email . i know things where said during the break up. emotions where running high on both ends. i wish things wernt said the way they where. but i never been in a situation like this. it scared me to see the way you freaked out on me. i did not want to see you like that.so i thought it was time your mom knew.i wasnt trying to get anything out of it. i was confused. not because of the break up but because of how scared you looked. you worried me . you know i would never do anything to hurt you. this email is to opologise for the way things happened. i know you still wanted to be friends. so i gave it a month to cool down. should i just stay at that? or say something like i hope everything is going ok in your life. Link to comment
Fukurokuju Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Whatever you decision, be absolutely sure about it before you take any action. I wrote a similar post earlier today and though many people told me not to do it, which is very wise sound advice, I knew in my heart that I would absolutely feel better after. I also immediately blocked him after a round of replies. My intention was to say what I had to say about our lost relationship just to get it out and be done with it. Unlike yours which, if I'm correct though I'm not sure, are to start to reconcile the relationship? That's a tough one. Be clear on what you want, be clear on what to accept, and hold tight to the decision you know to be the best for you in the long run. Hope that helps... Link to comment
KittyBoo Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 An apology is something that you do for yourself, not the other person, so that you can heal. What outcome do you hope to achieve by sending the letter? Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 the outcome i hope to achieve is closure to myself. i just want to get this of my chest and move on. or i feel like its going to bother me for a long time Link to comment
LCA1986 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Ferna3069, I wouldn't send the letter. I would just stick to NC. But if you really think it will help, then you gotta do what you gotta do. Link to comment
fire2therain Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 If you have to ask, maybe it's not a good idea to send it so soon? How about you write it, put it away for awhile, then go back in a few weeks. If you still feel the same then you can reconsider sending it. But you most likely will have made more progress and you won't want to send it anymore. Just think about it..wait. Link to comment
staying strong Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Ferna3069, I wouldn't send the letter. I would just stick to NC. But if you really think it will help, then you gotta do what you gotta do. I agree. I did the same thing, and it got me nowhere. Think about this: Say you send this letter and you don't get a response? Think of how you would feel then. You'll be back to square one. Trust me on this because that's what exactly happened to me and it doesn't feel good. Stick to NC my friend. Use NC to start your healing process. It's been working wonders for me. You can't make her love you or want to be with you. That is something she needs to figure out. Live in the now. Move forward and don't look back. Love yourself. Only you can yourself happy in the end. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I would not send this email. You are bringing up "how she freaked out", etc., and that just may be read by her of you accusing her of not acting "normal" and it could be upsetting. Also, for whatever you did, you are dragging into it things she did FIRST almost trying to make things "even" so you are not the only one in the wrong. BTW, what exactly did you do that you are apologizing for? What did you tell her mom?? BTW She did not dump you because she hates you or she was seeing someone else. It was very mature to break up with someone because you cannot give them love because you can't love yourself first. if she feels uncomfortable with herself, she is uncomfortable with everyone and needs time and space and healing and not have any obligation or commitment to a boyfriend right now. So,..please leave her be. She is NOT going to contact you when you send a "heavy" note and it might even make her sad or troubled - would you want that?? Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 I agree. I did the same thing, and it got me nowhere. Think about this: Say you send this letter and you don't get a response? Think of how you would feel then. You'll be back to square one. Trust me on this because that's what exactly happened to me and it doesn't feel good. Stick to NC my friend. Use NC to start your healing process. It's been working wonders for me. You can't make her love you or want to be with you. That is something she needs to figure out. Live in the now. Move forward and don't look back. Love yourself. Only you can yourself happy in the end. im not trying to get her back. i just been having this in my chest.i feel like i mest up her life. even though i wasnt the one to abuse of her. but she freaked out on me it scared me and i told her mom. her mom said if i was trying to get back with her with that whcih i wasnt.then my ex told me her mom just said that because her world turned upsidedown.i wasnt going to write a letter i was going to type an email.it just bothers me you know Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 im not trying to get her to contact me. if i wanted to i would just call. and no im not trying to be her bf.. just the way everything happens bothers me. im not trying to make her feel bad or guilty. and she told me contact her after the month. but i dont want to push her. or make her feel weird. i just thought that an email would help both of us move on. and she knows she freaked out. she even told me herself Link to comment
abitbroken Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 im not trying to get her to contact me. if i wanted to i would just call. and no im not trying to be her bf.. just the way everything happens bothers me. im not trying to make her feel bad or guilty. and she told me contact her after the month. but i dont want to push her. or make her feel weird. i just thought that an email would help both of us move on. and she knows she freaked out. she even told me herself If she knows she freaked out, you don't have to remind her 2 months later. She already got the memo. I think writing an email/letter/note to "get things off your chest" is the wrong reason to email an ex - you do those things for YOU and should write it as a personal journal instead of type it up and burn it. She knows where to find you. Just leave her be for now. She was the one who wanted to sort things out, so let her. Also, in your personal growth, maybe its a lesson. No matter what, its best to always deal with the person that you are with and not bring other people into it. The only reason that her mom should have gotten involved is if you were in one room with her and she freaked out and was physically harming you and you called her mom because she was the person in the next room and she rushed in to help calm her down. If you were in a situation where she freaked out, and you contacted the mom later, etc., or called her - then its a bit out of line. It sounded like you called the mom after the fact as the mom wondered if you wanted to get back together with her. Just know that you know that you might have overstepped yourself there and move forward in the future from it. Also - your language "I thought an email would help both of us move on." You can only speak for yourself and how it helps you. You have no way of knowing if it will do the same for her. And btw, if it did, this is NOT the email. The email, from an outsiders view, brings up thing that happened and dwells. It is NOT a "move forward" email. "You freaked out and exhibited scary behavior and dumped me, but I'm sorry for how I reacted to it" - so it basically accuses her first. At any rate, I stick by my original advice. If you are writing someone with an outcome in mind "i think it will help her heal and move on" you are not healed enough yourself to communicate. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 well i never been in that situation. i mean what do you do when you see some one scared? lets say you love some one and you see them freak out on you. act confused and scared. and you know that you cant help them. do you just leave them there? or do you tell some one that can help? by the way i did not call her mom. she lives with her mom. and i did not want to see her like that. and no its not that i did not want to see her like that because i was been selfish. but because i never ben in that situation. the girl was talking about dying. it scared me. and your write about reminding her about freaking out. i see your point in that part. bad thing to bring up. Link to comment
iBroken Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 im not trying to get her back. Yes you are im not trying to get her to contact me. Yes you are - thats why you have composed this email. Leave her alone - dont send it. It will not end well. Link to comment
staying strong Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Yes you are Yes you are - thats why you have composed this email. Leave her alone - dont send it. It will not end well. Agreed. You will only do more damage with that email. Go NC to heal your emotional wounds. Write letters to her, but keep them. It will help get your emotions out, but you need to let her heal as well. Pressuring her will push her further. Listen to what everyone is saying..i did and it helped me get through it. Find a hobby and keep your mind busy. Get a 1000 piece puzzle and lose yourself in it, anything to keep your mind busy. Link to comment
LCA1986 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Agree with the above posters. Dont do it. You are too emotional right now. Just write it down but dont send it. Start a journal here in the website, and write it down there. It will help you out to write out your feelings. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 Agree with the above posters. Dont do it. You are too emotional right now. Just write it down but dont send it. Start a journal here in the website, and write it down there. It will help you out to write out your feelings. you guys are right. i just feel like i mest up everything in her life. the girl scared me the way she was talking.i just feel like she hates me. but maybe later il learn how she really feels il just talk to her in six months Link to comment
LCA1986 Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Glad you listened to us. How are you feeling today? Just keep posting here whenever you feel like contacting your ex. Give her time and give yourself time to sort your emotions out. Keep your head up! Link to comment
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